I think I have very deep and serious confidence problems.

[froghat]

So this is my big problem. I freak out when someone looks into my eyes when they are talking to me. The moment they gaze into my eyes, it triggers nervous energy and the whole time I can't stop thinking about making eye contact. I wonder if I look weird, I wonder if I'm making enough/not enough eye contact, and it makes it almost impossible to listen to what they're saying and just relax. I have no idea how to overcome this. It's just stuck in the back of my mind and now it's gotten to the point where I fear eye contact. For example, when I'm at a grocery store, I cannot make eye contact with an attractive woman who's walking down one of the lanes. I'm always questioning if I look weird or creepy or a bunch of other things because the way my eyes look. I think this all comes down to some strong deep confidence problem I have, but I have no clue how to overcome this. I'm gonna bring it up with my therapist next week, but I'm curious if you guys have experienced this before? What do you suggest? I feel like I have to overcome this before I can have serious relationships with women. I feel very confused. It's one messed up disorder.

 

[recluse]

I can relate. I feel weird and awkward and my eyes dart downwards, god! People must think i am weird!

 

[Richey]

I can tell you the cure, its a secret but what you need to do is ....

eat more ice cream

it worked for me

 

[froghat]

Richie, I eat plenty of ice cream. Didn't work lol

 

[FreedomFighter]

hi froghat , i have that same shit , all my anxiety revolves around my serious eye contact problom . its really messed up my life to the point that i need alcohol inside me to just be myself when i leave my house , i wish i knew how to fix it , deep breathing has helped me alot , it calms my racing thoughts , hope i find the answer soon , cant take this crap much longer , take care , Robbie .

 

[Broken_Memory]

Eye contact can be so darn difficult. Especially when I LIKE somebody. Of course they'll never have any idea, because I shut up when they're around, and avoid eye contact as much as possible. :?

 

[tpdarlo]

Focus hard on what they're saying. Focus on every word and you will find it a lot easier to contribute and you will forget about worrying where to look.

 

[Digitaldreams]

Focus hard on what they're saying. Focus on every word and you will find it a lot easier to contribute and you will forget about worrying where to look.

Best advice I've ever gotten was simply,"Just don't think about it." ("it" being the anxiety problem I was dealing with). Tpdarlo's prescription is similar in some ways. It's hard to think about it if you are focusing on other things.

 

[greenfiresp]

I am exactly the same way. I never look anyone in the eye, not my parents, not my wife or even my oldest child anymore. The only way I can even talk to people is by staring at the ground. Weird. But I agree, it seems to come down to a basic lack of confidence in myself. :roll:

 

[froghat]

greenfiresp, did you have this problem when you met your wife? It seems impossible for girls to feel comfortable around me when I can't make good eye contact.

 

[tpdarlo]

Focus hard on what they're saying. Focus on every word and you will find it a lot easier to contribute and you will forget about worrying where to look.

Best advice I've ever gotten was simply,"Just don't think about it." ("it" being the anxiety problem I was dealing with). Tpdarlo's prescription is similar in some ways. It's hard to think about it if you are focusing on other things.

"Just don't think about it" is like saying "snap out of it". A more practical approach is necessary in most cases. My therapist tells me I need to focus hard on what I'm doing. In the case of having a conversation - focusing on what the person is saying. In the case of mundane things like walking down the street or getting onto a crowded bus (where I often feel self concious) - what would "normal" people be thinking about? They'd probably be thinking about their jobs, their partners, their families, what movie they saw last night... etc. So focus on that.

 

[Lotrsfan]

I feel that i have good eye contact with people i know but sometimes with teenagers girls and boys i look at them, but when they look at me back i sometimes look away because i don't want them to know i was looking at them or i get worried incase they shout something out at me.

When i'm walking down the street and someone is walking the opposite way, i can look at them when they are at a distance but as they get nearer i feel i can't look at them so i look at the gorund or pretend i look for something in my bag but sometimes i do look at them to see if they are looking at me but i find they ain't looking at me, just looking where they are going.

 

[Infected_Malignity]

If you stare long enough, they'll be the fist to look away.

 

[Irishbhoy]

I can relate to the eye contact thing.I cant even look my parents in the eyes.Girls I might fancy are a complete no no unless i have a few drinks which is not the answer,I feel the only time I am able to do this is when i have alcohol.
When I try to make eye contact the anxiety rockets and I think I actually make other people nervous.Its a bastard.

 

[asubscriber99]

avoiding eye contact is a normal "feature" of SA, (what a nice features !

psychologists think that it stems from low self esteen and inferiority feelings that SA people have.