I need to create recklessness in my life and take risks.

[Flax]

Lately I've been wondering if I should do reckless stuff in my life to go against my fear of making mistakes. Like today I was trying to do handstands and really ran the risk of falling sideways onto my steel futon or falling on my back onto a hardwood floor. Normally I'm so incredibly cautious that I feel restricted and without freedom. Every time I ever made a mistake in life I've took the consequences way too hard. Whenever I got into trouble I never did whatever i got in trouble for again. Whenever I fell over doing something crazy on rollerblades or bike I never did what I did again. Sometimes people have been disrespectful to me and often I wonder if I should have just told them to shut their stupid mouth. Or even get into a physical fight. I remember once someone I used to hang out with totally punched me in the face for no reason. I didn't fight back or cuss at him I just said "What the hell was that for?" And I stopped hanging out with him, and afterwards I rarely ever went outside into my neighborhood. And once I was hanging out with a few people (the incident occured before the one I just talked about) and this one guy had a football and I said "Whatcha gonna do play football? HUH? HUH?" I sounded kind of abnoxious and the guy took the football and threw it straight at me from a few feet away. He didn't do it in a joking way he did it because I angered him, well I didn't take it so I pushed him pretty hard then he decked me in the face and I kicked him in the stomach and slammed him on the ground. And I started walking off to get away from the situation and he tried to get a football to throw at me as I walked off but my friend didn't give it to him. I haven't been in a fight since then because I've been super cautious what I say to people and have gone to extreme lengths to never offend anyone or even put myself into a situation where I might be around people who are like he was. That guy that I got into a fight with I believe is still in jail for burning down a house in our neighborhood. Lately I've been wondering if I should just do things without thinking so much about the consequences. I need to desensitize myself to mistakes and getting into trouble. Does anyone have any thoughts on this? Has anyone in here just wanted to do something impulsive and when faced with the consequences just say fuck you! ... hmmm... who knows maybe it would make my life worse than it already is.

 

[Flax]

I had a job a few weeks ago and I yelled at a customer who was angering me and when it was happening I was super nervous and my hands were shaking. The whole shaking nervousness really bugged me but it felt really good to fight back for once. I didn't yell in a angry threatening way but in a give me a break type yell. I would tell why she got me angry but I don't want to write a huge ass post about what job I had and the challenges that I ran into sometimes.

 

[LilMissTragic]

I'm usually the most placid person on the planet but the other week, the neighbour was shouting at my pup and throwing stuff at him that i went out and (I'm not proud of this...well, yeh ok I am actually...lol)...I told him if he did it again he'd wake in time only to see me plunge a knife into his throat...bit over the top do ya think??...damn the bloke is like 6 foot and BIIIIIG. Picking on a defenceless animal indeed.

 

[JWH]

I can be like this to some extents. I am cranky a lot of the time, but there was one time in year 7 when I got fighting for no particular reason with a girl at school. Turns out I twisted her arm bad enough to get a visit from her mother and the school counsellor. There have been other times where I didn't even realise what I had done and got in trouble there too.

That's the problem, people think shy people can't hurt and where we are pushed we can become quite aggressive. Generally most people wouldn't know I can be like this because of course I hide it like most other things.

But regarding recklessness, I often feel like I want to get out, go in a hot air balloon, go hang gliding, go rapids riding. But bungee jumping and parachuting is a bit much.

 

[Yossarian]

I'm not sure about being reckless (or wreckless I don't know) but certainly I wish I could be more carefree sometimes. Actually I suppose we all wish that don't we? Derrr! It's just in my school days I had the ability to make an ass out of myself quite happily. Although I was shy in those days I could overcome this by wearing a mask of not caring. Because of this I could make people (especially girls) laugh. For some reason over time (probably the onset of SP proper) I've become increasingly inhibited. Now there is an overriding pride in me that doesn't want to look a fool no matter how lonely I am.

 

[Anonymous]

I think most people try to avoid fights and getting into fights with people who go to jail for burning down houses probably isnt a good idea. I dont think its a social anxiety thing, i thinks its just a thing most people deal with.

 

[Yossarian]

Yeah just wanted to echoe T.D's comments.
I think not becoming enemies with arsonists is a good life skill for anyone. Especially if like me you don't leave your home much!

 

[LilMissTragic]

Damn yoss...Does that mean a pyromaniac like me isnt gonnabe invited to your house? :wink:

 

[Yossarian]

Pyromania as well! My mother told me about girls like you. Besides I doubt you'd fit through the modem.

 

[Anonymous]

Save us all, Yossarian has the power of the red banner!!!!!!!!

The word y'all are looking for is "reckless". Think of "reckon", and then think about not reckoning prior to acting. "Wreckless" is "without wreck", which would make one a good driver indeed.

Methinks that Flax seeks not recklessness, but to not so much worry about achieving wrecklessness. To properly consider, without "thinking too much". To be conscientious, but not paranoid. This is something I also seek.


---------------
When 900 years old you reach, look as good you will not. Humph!

 

[introvert]

I'm like that too, go to great lengths not to offend anyone, always agreeing with everyone, because I don't want to clash with them. I was driving home from work stressed and p.o. as usual (call center job), in my old unreliable car, when the engine stalled at a red light (just when it turned green). So as I starting it up again the driver behind me starts honking their horn, and me just being really p.o. i gave them the finger in the rearview. Well they didn't take it well, overtook me, and yelled some shit. Well didn't end there I had to stop behind them at the next red light and the f**ker get's out with his son, and start this stupid road rage thing, the old guy was like real red in the face, and started trying to hit me in the face. I didn't get out, I just sat there and took it, because the SP said inside me you can't do anything, it's futile. Well after that I felt really bad, a combination of sadness that this SP is just ruining my life, and real anger that this incident happened - and that I DIDNT do anything about it. I was thinking that I should have just got out and busted this guys face who cares what happens, instead of sitting there just sulking taking all this unjust shit. I don't know if the outcome would have been better though.

 

[Anonymous]

diceman by luke reinhart is about a guy who completely gives up and is about about to kill himself but instead lives his life by rolling a dice - following the reckless thing. great book.

 

[Waybuloo]

I can be like this to some extents. I am cranky a lot of the time, but there was one time in year 7 when I got fighting for no particular reason with a girl at school. Turns out I twisted her arm bad enough to get a visit from her mother and the school counsellor. There have been other times where I didn't even realise what I had done and got in trouble there too.

That's the problem, people think shy people can't hurt and where we are pushed we can become quite aggressive. Generally most people wouldn't know I can be like this because of course I hide it like most other things.

But regarding recklessness, I often feel like I want to get out, go in a hot air balloon, go hang gliding, go rapids riding. But bungee jumping and parachuting is a bit much.

Yes even us shy people can have violent and murderous (ok maybe too much) tendencies. I was told that when small, i would randomly hit other kids on the bus for no reason (think it was a jealousy thing), and in primary schools i would lash out. I once chucked a chair at a guy in front of the whole class cause i didnt like the way he looked at me (yep i was a wild child back then 8)). Oh and i think i pissed this girl's mum off cause she turned up in class one day threatening to chop my hands off course apparently i hit her daughter's head ? I also called my pregnant teacher a B*tch and got dragged off by my principal and another teacher. Another time i tried to drag my neighbour down in the pool for no reason. So in conclusion, i msut have psychotic tendencies...But that was in the old days these days i just pick my booger and secretly wish i can smear them on unsuspecting jolie good ppl. Because of thsi stupid SA thing i can't be myself! sigh...

 

[thequietone]

I was never really violent toward anyone but myself. I wish I could allow myself to get pissed at someone else for a change!