I Need HELP!! Should I Stay friends with her??

[PrincessKitty]

I'm stressed with different situations so I don't think that helps.

For example like this one. I have this friend and she is 18. She's got extremely bad social anxiety, selective mutism and aspergers. (like me but I've got autism instead)
She never goes out of the house (hardly ever, unless its with me or her family. but when her social anxiety kicks in. Shes hates going out. Furthermore she went to my house twice, because she hates going outside)

I used to see her all lot and used to watch films and watch music video's on her iPad. But after a few months. She kept text me saying, her eczema or hay fever is bad so you can't go (this was on the day when I can't come round)
Then after a months later.. I started seeing her less and less. So now she started to text me all sort of excuses not to come round.

Now I never come at all, and when I try to its always two or one before I come round and she cancels on me. I don't know what to do anymore.

Also we never text anymore (I do try though. but in the end I gave up) I have noticed that she only texted that when I seem to buy something related anime. But that's it.

But I live in remote place, I live in the country side. So I have no friends only her that's nearer to me.

Should I stay friends with her??

 

[BlackPuma]

Sometimes excuses become such an integrated pattern of avoidance, that it's difficult to break. What I think you should do foremost is talk to her about it.

Be firm and direct about it - let her know that you know she's making excuses, and the state in which the friendship is in (and that you'd like to mend it because you care about her). Talking about things like this can be hard, so if you give her an opining to talk about what is going on she might open up. It's evident that's she emotionally struggling to come to your place and has become stuck in a avoidance pattern. All you can do is try and challenge her to break through this pattern.

Growing apart when you don't have to would be a real shame - friends of whom you enjoy the company are a precious thing - especially when they're few and far between.

 

[DeadmanWalking]

Hm, if I'm understanding everything right, then it might not be the best idea to keep pursuing a friendship with her. She doesn't seem to be willing to want to talk to you unless you have something that interests her. And it's bad enough that she keeps making excuses as to why you two can't meet up. It may make you lonelier, but having no friends is better than having bad friends.

But, before you go and cut all ties with her, maybe you should confront her about what she's doing. Hear her side of the story, she might have a good excuse as to why she's doing what she is. Listen to her then objectively judge whether it makes sense or not then act on that judgement. If you can't get in contact with her, then that's her answer.

 

[PrincessKitty]

OMG!! Thank you!! Because she has such bad social anxiety problems i didn't want to hurt her feelings. But in the process shes hurting mine.
I've been talking to my mum and said "I want to tell her and say what I'm really feeling" she always says no because of her problems.. So i don't know.

Thanks for this advice it truly does help. This really made a difference. Thank you so much!!

 

[BlackPuma]

OMG!! Thank you!! Because she has such bad social anxiety problems i didn't want to hurt her feelings. But in the process shes hurting mine.
I've been talking to my mum and said "I want to tell her and say what I'm really feeling" she always says no because of her problems.. So i don't know.

Thanks for this advice it truly does help. This really made a difference. Thank you so much!!

It's better to be open and honest. If you can't be honest, then what value does the friendship have?

Social anxiety or no, you owe it to yourself and the friendship to speak your mind.

 

[PrincessKitty]

It's better to be open and honest. If you can't be honest, then what value does the friendship have?

Social anxiety or no, you owe it to yourself and the friendship to speak your mind.

I agree. And I have texted her now and I'm just waiting for her reply. I know that she won't reply back. But in a way I hope she does.

 

[ImNotMyIllness]

She definitely doesn't mean to hurt your feelings. You should stay friends with her. Sometimes when I'm really depressed and my social anxiety is high, I don't talk to anyone. I'm trapped and drowning in my own world.

Give her time. Try not to take it personal. She has a lot of problems and it's unintentional.