I lost it

[Emma]

I am very heartbroken and sad right now, my social anxiety had ruined me.
I posted about this guy a few times, well, a few weeks ago I had the chance to see him again, but I chose to do something else instead, even though I really wanted to see him more than anything, I thought if I made him wait he would want to see me more and think that I wasn't obsessed with him.
Now he's met someone else and he said he likes her alot, and he's so sorry but he doesn't want me to contact him again, and that I should move on and find someone else who can accept me.
I want him back more than anything and I keep sitting here thinking that if I had seen him, he would never have met her and we could be together again, I know he's better off with someone else who doesn't have my problems, and I really wish him good luck, I really do, and I want him to be so happy, but a part of me wishes they would break up and he would come back, I know it's really nasty, but I honestly wish she would piss off!!!

I wish more than anything I hadn't been so shy around him, because he was everything I ever wanted, when I was younger I pictured the person I would end up with, what job they would have, how they would look, and how they would treat me, and when I saw him he was exactly how I pictured him, it was sooo strange that he was exactly what I've been waiting my whole life for.....and now he's gone and I don't know what to do, will I ever stop crying or will I have to build a boat to stop myself from drowning?
I keep hoping that if I contact him in a few months that they will have broken up and we'll get back together, but deep down I know it won't happen, I feel like my hearts been ripped out and stomped on, how will I ever get over him and move on, I don't want anyone else but him, but I can't have him....I'm dead inside now

8O :x

 

[romeno82]

hi emma
i think you are too hard with yourself. you are ok like you are. even if this guy means alot for you there are other lovable guys out there.

bye

 

[corrinaelizabeth]

im sorry 2 hear that emma,but if u just put him off once,and hes found some1 else already he couldnt of been that in 2 u,i know its hard 2 accept that sometimes but ur prob better off without him

 

[carebear]

i know how you feel. this same kinda thing happened to me recently and I have been forced to move on. if you stay in the same dark place for too long you will end up killing your soul completely. never..ever..let another person kill your soul...if you focus on that, you will be okay. also, time heals all wounds but if you focus on what I said above, time will go much quicker.

good luck.

 

[someoneelse]

I agree that you are to hard on yourself. This guy was not this super guy that you thought he was, if he was then he would have stayed with you. He was wrong you do not look for someone that can accept you as if sa is something that is wrong with you but you look for a loving relationship. He is the one that missed out on you.

 

[sphericalmind]

Hi.... a very similar thing happened to me a few months ago. I met this girl that seemed really cool. I thought she was the one who would understand and accept me. Well, one day she just didn't want to talk or hang out anymore for some reason, probably because of my SA or maybe she never really liked hanging out with me. Now, I'm kinda in a similar situation, wondering if I should try calling her again or talk to her if I see her because I still haven’t forgotten about her. I’m still struggling every once in a while. Anyway, I'm sure things will get better for you as time goes by. Maybe you'll be able to reconnect with him again or maybe you’ll find someone much better. I know it really sucks sometimes but you did nothing wrong. Anyway, I hope things get much better soon and I’m sure you’ll be able to get through it.

 

[anxiousmouse]

you should try to relax on it. no point in rakin over this event, for it hs laredy happen. accept what took place and move on with life-you will surely find someone better and more suited ahead. when things go bad for me, i always try to draw an optimistic conclusion out of it.

 

[Emma]

Ok....I've tried really really hard to forget about him....I mean he's hurt me more than anyone ever has and treated me like rubbish, but that was only after we broke up...before that he was like the perfect guy...I don't understand how I can still be so madly in love with someone who doesn't give a shit about me....I can't get him out of my head....I'm so consumed with passion for this person that I can't think of anything else, I can barely breathe at the thought of him....He's moved on and he doesn't give a crap about me, so why can't I forget him?
I can't get the image of his perfect smile out of me head, or the way he used to kiss my face and hand when he hugged me or the way he brushed my hair out of my eyes, and now he's doing that with someone else and it tears me up inside....How can I possibly love someone that much, without any reason to, and more importantly how can I forget him, we broke up three months ago, I would really like to forget him, I hate the thought that he's taking her to our spot on the mountain or drinking chocolate milk with her....Why can't I just move on, I really want to I embarrassed to admit this

 

[Maarten]

Hi Emma, I think I understand your problem and I think I may even know of a way to get you out of your misery.
You have this picture of him being the perfect guy for you in your mind and every time you start to think of him you get miserable because you can't be with him.
First you need to rationally convince yourself that he is NOT the perfect guy for you. This will be easy because he really isn't! You need to get really angry about it and make him out to be some kind of horrible demon whom you could never love.
Then, every time you catch yourself thinking about him you should remind yourself of this fact and start doing something fun and quit thinking about him.
This method has worked for me and it will work for you if you can really convince yourself of the fact that he is not the guy that you think he is. (he cant be the perfect guy because the perfect guy would never leave you!)

Regards,

Maarten

 

[J_]

and I keep sitting here thinking that if I had seen him, he would never have met her and we could be together again

and if you had met up with him and he'd still met this other girl, then what?

if if if, what's done is done, i don't mean to be harsh but you sound like how i was over so many girls. plenty more fish in the sea, just take it as a lesson learned and move on

I know he's better off with someone else who doesn't have my problems

for all you know she a serial killer how do you know she doesn't have issues?

I keep hoping that if I contact him in a few months that they will have broken up and we'll get back together

forget about a few months. move on now, try meeting some more people and finding more things to occupy yourself. you will find someone else if u put ureself out there, but if you lock yourself away in misery over this phony guy who, as you said, treated u like crap after u broke up, then you'll never meet anyone.

 

[chear15]

I have had the same situation with a girl I met we went out spent time together for 4 months, she had some mental issues, but was the nicest person I had ever met. I truly fell in love with this girl and it was the best of times for me. She then just quit talking to me, it was very hard for me for about a month there, considering I don't have many friends it was hard to be with other people. I just couldn't get it off my mind, I decided to join some groups to meet some people, spend time with my family, and do things I enjoy, like basketball, drawing, just being outdoors in the sun. Also, I know from experience if you try to contact him later, this may just be another chance for you to think about him and him rejecting you making it even harder to cope. Hope you get to feeling better, and I am sure you will find someone out there who will be perfect for you.

 

[Veritas]

Emma,
I think I understand how you feel, my friend... (This is my first ever post on here, by the way!) You know, it's strange really, I had a dream last night in which I heard a song I'd never heard before and it brought a feeling of overwhelming sadness to me in the dream. The song somehow reminded me of when I was very young and how happy I used to be, just playing in the sun and talking to the few friends I had. There was this girl whom I used to play with up until I was around eleven, and looking back now I know for certain that we loved each other, yet we had no understanding of our own emotions at such a young and innocent age. Nowadays, I understand the feeling of love and friendship much better... yet where does that leave me? For everyone I ever loved ultimately either fell in love with someone else or just became bored with me as soon as they realised I'm not the "going out" type. I love the countryside and solitary areas of beauty, but I can't stand the city life. Yet, this isn't necessarily a problem - does it really matter? In some ways being this way can have its benefits, for it makes it easy to test who really loves us and who does not. Those who ignore us are obviously not suited to us, wheras those who remain close friends and keep in regular contact whenever they can, despite the fact we're different to the majority of people, must definitely be wondrous friends. Trying to find a job, our own apartment/house - these things may be more difficult in some ways for someone (such as myself) who has been isolated from society for a long while, but they are at least something which can be worked towards, wheras love is something that relies mostly upon opportunity and luck.

Alas, I do go on, heh. I think the reason you still love this guy, even if he be totally uncaring in some ways, is simply because there is nobody yet to replace him with in your heart. I have learnt many times that love never really disappears, no matter how much time passes. Love can only be re-directed towards the heart of somebody else - that is the key. Therefore, unless you can find someone else who you find a true liking towards, your love will probably not fade for him. Love knows no ill - it does not usually let the mind intrude upon its premises. Am I too "poetical" here? Sorry, lol. At any rate, here is the one thought which keeps me going through the darkness: somewhere out there, in fact in many places across the world, there are literally thousands of people whom would be the perfect match for each of us - it's just a matter of finding them, that's the tricky part. But just because we haven't yet found them, that doesn't mean they cease to exist! They are there, regardless of whether we ever know them directly or not. Whenever we're feeling our worst, they are out there too, perhaps thinking the very same thing as us! Nobody is ever alone, no matter how isolated they may be or feel. Love will eventually find a way, don't worry. One day you'll look back to these days and smile, because if only you'd have known happiness would eventually prevail, you would never have felt so bad about anything. If we knew for certain we'd eventually be happier than we've ever been before, the hope of that would probably always keep us happy in itself. For all we know, we may meet the one of our dreams tomorrow - or even today! Who knows? Let's all try to keep the dream alive, and keep hoping day after day until we find them ^_^

 

[Kinetik]

Attraction is never logical so it doesn't make sense to say things like "there are others out there" because it's not that simple. This is a really human thing though. We take for granted what's right in front of our noses and want what's unattainable, but the second we lose what we initially had, we want it back. The only thing I know for sure is that you'll feel better eventually. Everything (good or bad) fades away at some point or other.

 

[Quixote]

I chose to do something else instead, even though I really wanted to see him more than anything, I thought if I made him wait he would want to see me more

Hahaha you tried the usual girls' trick of pretending to break up and making the poor guy feel miserable, but instead of feeling miserable he rolled up his sleeves and found another girl right away! Cool guy, I wish I was like this.

when I was younger I pictured the person I would end up with, what job they would have, how they would look, and how they would treat me, and when I saw him he was exactly how I pictured him,

The problem with "perfect" guys is, they find it quite easy to find a replacement. Next time go for a social phobic loser instead, and fidelity and neediness on his part are guaranteed. Not sure if you will find him equally attractive, but one cannot hope to have everything at the same time...

 

[romeno82]

Attraction is never logical so it doesn't make sense to say things like "there are others out there" because it's not that simple.

yeah thats true. but, this attraction is in part i think out of fear. emma, what would be if you would know that next week you are going to meet the perfect guy for you? would you feel better?

anyway i konw its a damn hard situation, i was sick for 2 months after my ex dumped me. it was maybe the hardest time of my life. then i found i new girlfriend and i was ok

 

[carebear]

Ok....I've tried really really hard to forget about him

its really hard to have social phobia and go through this because when we find someone we latch on to them because they are the only person that we feel we can feel comfortable with. In reality, we don't feel comfortable with anyone. maybe u really pushed him away because of your social anxiety?? If this is so, maybe it was for the better.

question..did he know you have social anxiety? If you revealed this fact to him, and he accepted it, you may have felt vulnerable which would have further increased your affection for him. maybe you feel you cannot reveal this fact to any other people.

advice..if the above is true, go out...meet other guys (that is, if you can leave the house)..let them know upfront (maybe about the 2nd or 3rd date) when you are not soooo attatched.

you HAVE to get over this guy. there is no other choice right now. you already let him go once so let him go again for real this time. He has your soul on lock down right now and you have to free it to give to other guys.

 

[antipop621]

Man, I wish someone felt that way about me.

Anyways, Emma, you're obviously not alone with these feelings. I've recovered from a 3 year obsession I had over a coworker a few years ago. I had anxiety attacks on the way to work just knowing she would be there. For 8 hours a day I had to resist the urge to vomit (which would have been bad since it was a grocery store).

The girl eventually started dating a manager at the store and believe me, that was painful to watch. Its been two years since I quit the job. I never thought I would get over it, but I did.

It will happen, I promise. It may take a year or more, but it will happen.

If you believe in fate at all (which I do), then you can't have this guy because the guy you're actually supposed to be with is on the way.

Also, being a guy, I find it hard to believe that girls can feel this way about us. We're nothing special.

 

[Emma]

I'm over him, he was a liar and probably gay anyway.

I found a Josher Fish now.

Much better now

P.s I'm pretty sure this guy isn't secretly gay

 

[Quiet Angel]

That's a hard spot to be in. Sorry to hear about that.

My advice is to hang in there & support yourself somehow. Spend time with friends or whatever else makes you happy & can take your mind off of him. Just know, it takes time to recover from your loss. The first few days are often the hardest, but gradually, it'll become easier.

 

[redski]

...instead, even though I really wanted to see him more than anything, I thought if I made him wait he would want to see me more and think that I wasn't obsessed with him.

Emma, I do not mean to open up old wounds so please forgive me.
Could you elaborate on my quote a little more.
I have had a women do the same thing to me (at least I think that was the case) and
I was wondering why on earth this is a female tactic.
I mean from a guys point of view if you like the girl and the girl apparently likes you then
why the silent ignoring treatment. I would say it is not a good thing.
How would you feel as a women if a guy did this to you?
I am by no means defending what he did. I guess he just did not like you
enough but if you as a man like a girl and suddenly just being ignored then
that usually means a few things and given my experience she has found
someone else and is not "man" enough to tell you to your face.
I think from my experience it has been.
"If I ignore him long enough maybe he will lose interest and go away"

I will probably get flamed for this but it is a childish tactic if yo ask me.