I know I shouldn't ask for reassurance but Im freaking out...

[LockieKermit]

I know it's not right to get reassurance as this doesn't help but I think I've been doing it alot less so atleast thats good...


I've been watching torchwood for the past few days, not a pretty show, sometimes I can handle it, sometimes I cant...just then, there was a disturbing scene where a character got planted false memories of him doing horrible things, I wont go any further then that...

Anyways, I started freaking out watching it, a billion thoughts started rushing through my head....

I keep thinking, thats horrific, but then I think, what if it's not horrific, what I dont think it's that bad?
I also had this thought, what if societies morals against murder are wrong and it's ok and also, what if there was no police, would I start going on a rampage?


One of my compulsions is when I get intrusive thoughts to constantly say the word no no no no no no no, or say I wouldn't do that over and over again....it works for a little while, but now it's like.. Im saying that, but what if I dont mean it?

Another one is I think of the bast, Ie, I have never been beaten, sexualy abused, nothing to indicate I violent future etc.. Ive always had a fear of something (all ocd related) and knowing that calms me down, but what if it doesn't calm me down and I only think it's calming me down....

Basicaly, I have this massive self doubt....


Sometimes I think, dude, you have Pure-o OCD...its obvious....and other times, especially during those moments, I totaly dont believe I have it...Intrusive thoughts just feel so real in every way...WTF.

When im kept busy, doing stuff etc, I can function alot better, without intrusive thoughts and all that, but when im able to think...all bets are off.

I also think Im a little emotionless, like, my best friend is leaving for greece in about 5 days, and I dont feel as sad as I should be, is this because the Anxiety is blocking it?

 

[Rockhopper]

Firstly, did you get the message I sent you to your inbox?

Anyway I've tried the no no no stuff. It only worked for a few mins. It didn't really work overall. It helps me more to tell myself it's just the OCD, but it doesn't make it go away. I know how the thoughts and doubts feel real. At the time they are the most important thing. However, when I look back at some of my thoughts and questions, I can't believe how silly they look. I tend to be obsessed about different little topics and ask questions and need to know every detail. I look back at some and think, why the hell did I even care about that. But then it seemed as my happiness depended on knowing the answer.

I too am so much better when kept busy. I'm not working much at the moment and the days at home all day make my mind wander. When I got called to work the other day I went most of the day without having a thought at all. Now I've just been offered a big, full time job and it's the most important thing and OCD thoughts are so much less, to nearly non existent.

Maybe your anxiety is blocking the feelings towards your friend leaving. It doesn't mean you're not sad, it means you're dealing with your own issues at the moment. I know with me my thoughts when I get them are usually the primary thing in my head, everything else is second to that. Try focusing on tasks you're doing with your full attention. Maybe get involved in something. I started dancing and it was another hour of the day where I didn't have thoughts.

So just in case you're still doubting, from what I can see you have Pure-O at it's just that. You're not going to harm anyway or you wouldn't be so worried about it.

 

[Nicholas]

The best cure for intrusive thoughts is desensization: you keep thinking of the bad thought on purpose, and try to become "insensitive", passively observing it. It takes a little time, but once you find a way to do that and you notice your heart doesn't race anymore, it's over. It might feel horrible at first, but you have to resist and really try to train your body not to react to the fear...

 

[LockieKermit]

Ive read alot of about it, it's just so scary...

Also, when I kept my mind off the thoughts and was just hanging out with my friend talking, I felt sad for him, infact..I felt anxious for the future...but I agree, I think I have been pretty selfish in the last few days, mainly because I have been having a rough stint...