MirrorImage
Member
Inside of school I have many friends. I go to a small school of only 250 kids. I'm a different person there. I'm outgoing, I'm friendly, I'm a jerk, I'm rude, and I even regret many things I do inside school. The fact remains though that I have people to talk to here. Acquaintances, but that's really all.
Outside of school I have nobody. My only friend I ever do things out of school with I don't actually like all that much, and we only do things on the rarest of occasions. So most weekends and most days after school I am very alone and lonely.
I was never good at making friends. I'm short and for the majority of my life I was overweight (now I am a normal weight but still very short), which allowed kids to be rather cruel to me, so I didn't like to talk to them in grammar school, where social bonds are initially formed. I had no clue how to make social bonds in high school and now I am a senior in high school who has no life and is afraid to try to do anything about it.
I'm afraid to call up somebody and see if they want to do something over the weekend, and I don't know why. It's illogical. It makes no sense, and I know that, so why do I care so much?
This has also lent itself to my being without a girlfriend ever, and the same applies for any girl I like. I never do anything. I never go for it. I know that she'll probably understand and things won't be all that awkward for too long, but I still hold back. I still let things pass me by. She has a bunch of friends and I have nothing, which is a big intimidating factor.
Now I only have four months of High School left. On one hand I shouldn't care any more. It's only four months and I never have to see any of them ever again so what do I have to lose if I try to make friends? It makes no sense that I'm this terrified of people and social interaction outside of school. I hate it and it makes me hate myself and even though I know what I have to do, I do not know why I don't do it, or, perhaps more accurately, how to go about doing it.
Help?!
Outside of school I have nobody. My only friend I ever do things out of school with I don't actually like all that much, and we only do things on the rarest of occasions. So most weekends and most days after school I am very alone and lonely.
I was never good at making friends. I'm short and for the majority of my life I was overweight (now I am a normal weight but still very short), which allowed kids to be rather cruel to me, so I didn't like to talk to them in grammar school, where social bonds are initially formed. I had no clue how to make social bonds in high school and now I am a senior in high school who has no life and is afraid to try to do anything about it.
I'm afraid to call up somebody and see if they want to do something over the weekend, and I don't know why. It's illogical. It makes no sense, and I know that, so why do I care so much?
This has also lent itself to my being without a girlfriend ever, and the same applies for any girl I like. I never do anything. I never go for it. I know that she'll probably understand and things won't be all that awkward for too long, but I still hold back. I still let things pass me by. She has a bunch of friends and I have nothing, which is a big intimidating factor.
Now I only have four months of High School left. On one hand I shouldn't care any more. It's only four months and I never have to see any of them ever again so what do I have to lose if I try to make friends? It makes no sense that I'm this terrified of people and social interaction outside of school. I hate it and it makes me hate myself and even though I know what I have to do, I do not know why I don't do it, or, perhaps more accurately, how to go about doing it.
Help?!
