I hate this.

[this_portrait]

Right now, I'm feeling really alone. Nowadays I can't STAND feeling (or really even being) alone. I wanna do things with people (and a relationship would be even better). I'm tired of sitting by myself in my apartment, staring at the ceiling or browsing the web. I want company so bad, I'd almost kill for it (not literally).

But all the f*ckers here want to do is go to the bars. And the sleazy, herpes-ridden nightclubs. Or house parties. Or ANY setting that involves partying, drinking, and/or smoking. I hate that sh*t more than I hate feeling alone. Doesn't anyone here prefer more laid back and calmer activities? Jesus...

Bah. I hate people, yet I love them at the same time. I wish I had the guts to initiate conversations more, then maybe I wouldn't be sitting here right now typing this, and I'd be out bowling or something. No, I have to be cursed and doomed to a life of unwanted solitude that I no longer want.

-sigh-

/ end vent

 

[bsebring]

I feel like I'm in the same boat as you are. The question is how to change.

 

[this_portrait]

I've been to the point where I've considered going to a bar just for the hell of it, but then I stepped back and realized that the more I thought about going into one of those places, the more I came to despise them.

Going to places like cafes and stores is another thing I've tried, but I find that everyone is either with friends chattering away, or if they're alone, they keep to themselves. It's a lose-lose situation.

In many social situations it's almost like nearly everyone else is going through the same thing as me, so they won't initiate anything and just expect me to. ><

 

[deleted #89]

Did you ever notice what your vocabulary looks like?

I took these quotes from your post:

" I CANT STAND " " I WANNA DO THINGS " " IM TIRED " " I WANT " " I HATE ".

This is exactly the kind of vocabulary/words people use on this site. Listen to this.....your external behavior will automatically influence you internal state. Stop identifying with words such as cant/want. Dont you see how you are sabotaging yourself ?

TIP: Try noticing all of the " to be " verbs ( i.e., IS, AM, ARE, BE, BEING, BEEN etc.... when you catch them ELIMINATE THEM OF YOUR VOCABULARY. Everybody should at least try to do this....Just try it and see what happens. Booyaaa !

 

[KiaKaha]

Yeah, thats what socializing seems to be these days.. Bars, drinking, drugs, house parties etc....big crowds with everyone getting wasted.
I dont dig any of that stuff either, but it seems that thats what the majority of people do... I would rather keep to myself than succumb to that crap.

It is SO hard to meet people these days.. the thing that has always frustrated me about people is that no one wants to make the first move... no one wants to make that first gesture of friendship..either because, dare I say it...they are too shy, or that they are just not interested in you.

The only thing that works for me is by biting the bullet and try making small talk in situations where it is appropriate. Most of the time it doesnt work (well for me because I lack charm) but every now and then someone is kind enough to show interest...even if its just polite conversation.

 

[deleted #89]

See what I mean. Like this dude up there ^

 

[this_portrait]

The only thing that works for me is by biting the bullet and try making small talk in situations where it is appropriate. Most of the time it doesnt work (well for me because I lack charm) but every now and then someone is kind enough to show interest...even if its just polite conversation.

I've been trying this as well. It actually makes me feel better later on, even though in most cases I haven't made a new friend.

I must be greedy, though, because it doesn't seem like enough for me.

 

[KiaKaha]

See what I mean. Like this dude up there ^

Maybe people just need to vent and express themselves...maybe its got nothing to do with "self sabotage"

 

[deleted #89]

What do you think this does to YOU ? Your confirming to yourself your powerless state. You're right its your life and you do what you want to it.

 

[pers]

I have the same problem,no matter how hard i tried,i never met anyone.i am pretty tired and dont know what else to do

 

[Tiercel]

I know how you feel, this_portrait. I've never cared for bars or clubs, except when going to see a band perform.

Occasionally I reach out to people, but it's difficult for me to keep a conversation going. Lots of times it feels like I'm taking two steps forward and three steps backwards, but surprisingly I haven't learned my lesson yet.

The important thing is to keep walking, knowing that eventually we'll find those with whom we're compatible. (In college I cared more for birdwatching than partying. So unless I was looking for a 60-year old woman, I probably wasn't going to find anyone.)

 

[this_portrait]

Yeah, people who aren't party animals seem to be hard to come by in college.

I think the reason why the feeling of being alone feels worse and is really picking at me now has a lot to do with how what little social life I have has changed over the course of a year. Last year, I had three roommates (whom I all got along with) and a boyfriend. This year, I'm living alone, and my b/f and I have been broken up for 3 months now. I was around people more often then, and now I'm not. I can't even sleep with the lights off because I got so used to having at least one person in the same vicinity as me while I slept.

-sigh- Life just seems to enjoy giving me a taste of something good, only to pull it away.

 

[Beatrice]

Did you ever notice what your vocabulary looks like?

I took these quotes from your post:

" I CANT STAND " " I WANNA DO THINGS " " IM TIRED " " I WANT " " I HATE ".

This is exactly the kind of vocabulary/words people use on this site. Listen to this.....your external behavior will automatically influence you internal state. Stop identifying with words such as cant/want. Dont you see how you are sabotaging yourself ?

TIP: Try noticing all of the " to be " verbs ( i.e., IS, AM, ARE, BE, BEING, BEEN etc.... when you catch them ELIMINATE THEM OF YOUR VOCABULARY. Everybody should at least try to do this....Just try it and see what happens. Booyaaa !

It's a support site hun, people are going to vent. Doesn't mean they are just giving in to their negative thoughts. Hell, I had someone criticize my JOURNAL, where I am meant to post things that come to mind, whatever they may be.

When people come on here preaching to others on the site what they should or should not be posting, just remember exactly what kind of site it is..... one to vent and post your thoughts, to be both inspired and to get emotions off your chest. It's a forum for having conversations with other people with SA, and that involves sharing the joy AND pain.

 

[deleted #89]

I think im in the wrong forum.....there is a difference between venting and self loathing.

 

[Beatrice]

I think im in the wrong forum.....there is a difference between venting and self loathing.

Honestly, who is self-loathing? SA causes a LOT of negative feelings, so yeah, people are going to post about them to get them off their chests and maybe find some encouragement or advice. I don't see how that translates into self-loathing......

 

[Minty]

I think im in the wrong forum.....there is a difference between venting and self loathing.

It sounds like self-loathing because it's intense. But that's what SA makes us feel. We're acknowledging our true feelings. That's the first step to recovery and feeling better. So yeah, it's ugly. But at least it's not denial.

 

[Sartana]

It might help if you try get an idea of what all of the clubs and bars around you are like. A lot of them are the same old, but you may find one that you end up liking a lot. Simply going to a club might help you come out of your shell a bit.

As for calmer activities, yes they seem to have dried up as far as societal trends go. Shame.

 

[this_portrait]

I think im in the wrong forum.....there is a difference between venting and self loathing.

Unless you count my post where I say I must be greedy, I haven't made one statement that could be classified as "self-loathing." I'm not sitting here going on about how I'm such a loser and that I must be a terrible person because I'm in the situation that I'm in. Really, I'm merely complaining about it, and I'll complain if I want to, because I feel down in the dumps at the moment and would rather not keep it all inside.

 

[Dead_on_Arrival]

I think im in the wrong forum.....there is a difference between venting and self loathing.

I come here to vent my feelings, get advice from others, hopefuly help others and try to aid my recovery. And yes some people are self loathing, like me, but you only need to read my journal to understand why. But that is another reason I seek help with my therapist and here on SPW, Which by the way has given me more hope and feelings of belonging than any professional help.

 

[Agent_Violet]

Personally, i think it's great to vent and get all that bad,negative stuff into the open...you can only fight dark things by bringing them into the light.

Anyway...

I can sympathize with the "hey let's hang out...at a bar,or this party,and watch drunk people vomit!" it sucks.

Your best bet will be doing community oriented stuff with a broader base of people (larger age group too) these will be your reading groups, yoga classes, specialized interest groups,etc...you'll find what you're craving once you get around all the drunken masses around you.