I hate this feeling so much


Well-known member
It's been over a god damn year since I broke up with her. I try to continue my life by doing what makes me happiest, and finding a women who treats me better then she ever did. Yet I feel ****ing miserable all of the time, It's just the strangest feeling. It's like I miss her and still care for her deeply, but yet I don't want her back because I don't want anything to do with her. Ever since the break up I changed. I've grown cold and angry. We were almost like the exact same people, we had the same interests, passions, and illness's. I know now someone with my level of mental illness should not be with me because it just ends badly.

She always told me about apathy and how she felt it before she met me. She didn't care about anything, but when I came into her life she changed. From the moment we saw each other we had a strong attraction, one I've never had from any other woman ever. She was the first girl that would give me a "zap" when we would kiss every time. To me she was perfect, to her I was perfect.

We had so many arguments and were just so ****ed up in the head. She had an anger she couldn't control, I had an anger I built inside for years and years. She wanted me to release that anger on her cause she got a sick thrill from it, hell I did too to be honest.

She wanted to help me get the anger out, yet I couldn't let it all out. I can't ever let that anger out no matter what, because I feel like a danger to whoever lets it out.

She was the only person in this world who understood me, I was the only one who understood her. It wasn't any typical relationship I had before. Yet when it ended it took the good side of me with it. Now I'm just emotionless and hateful on the inside with a charismatic, people pleaser on the outside. I don't even know if I love the girl I'm with I'm starting to not even love the people closest to me. I've begun to shut people out and not give a single **** about anyone.