I hate my mundane life.

[Chris222]

I just want a hug from someone
I spend 100% of my free time alone, whenever someone asked me to come out I always made up an excuse. It didn't help that I lived in a horrible area to get to which has 0 transport. No one ended up wanting to see me in the end. When I go to college I feel like a loner. I actually like some of the people in my classes.. I talk to them and they enjoy talking. They're strangers and know nothing of me which I think makes it easier..but they have their own friends. No room for me anywhere. I see people on Facebook upload pictures of parties and going out.. in secret I wish I could experience that. Even though I know my inner self would try to reject that. I don't think I have that chance now.
I overthink every single social interaction I have with someone, I can sitback and recall my entire day, I often imagine up things that could happen if I said something different. There is this one girl I'm starting to kind of like.. we've only really talked as we've waited for class. We get on okay but I'm too worried about asking anymore. I just get depressed thinking that she wouldn't really want to know a person like me, as most of the people who have are gone now.

I don't know. I don't think I'm shy.. I used to be a lot worse in the past but the feeling of lonliness still clings on to me. I'm not ugly, I'm not boring or horrible. I just envy people with friends who want to see them, just so maybe I could get a chance to feel what I see people doing. Even though I know my inner self will reject it and may up excuses not to go, I'll force myself as much as I can. I love being alone, I love doing my own things and my own little ways. I like.. different things like reading manga which a lot of people find strange so I've always kept myself in solitude. I used to always get my words muddeled up, or ignore someone, feel really anxious and generally freeze up when people used to confront me. I'm not like that as much anymore, I feel like I'm slowly growing away from that but considering It's taken up my entire childhood (I'm 19 now), now I feel like I have nothing.

I appreciate you reading this if you do, sorry I've rambled on! I could write my entire life story but somehow I don't think you people would appreciate that

 

[LazyHermitCrab]

HUG. How about you join a club at your college? or a sport. I wish i had in college, but now i'm just trying to catch up with clases because i was too scared to even go to them. So yeah take advatage of that and i'm sure you will make friends. Also you could get a part time job at your favorite store and make friends that way. Or both.. anyway gl!

 

[Nanita]

Hi
I know what you mean.
It´s not easy for me making friends either. At least you are able to casually talk to people, like when waiting for class. That´s a lot more than I can say for myself.

I think a lot of things little by little can change for you, especially since you´re only 19. My twenties were full of unexpected stuff and huge changes.

(By the way, I´m sure that several people here would actually like to read your "entire life story" if you did decide to write it here..)

 

[pckhoi]

How it feels like I'm hearing myself speaking, from the past.

Everyone feels that way occasionally. If you experience it too frequently then it's a problem, and well most folks here have (or had) the same problem. So feel welcomed!

I think you should try to solve this rather than sit and moan to yourself. It's a physical problem as well as a mental problem. It's a physical problem because you are always alone in your free time and you don't have friend. It's a mental problem because you have a lot of false ideas about life (or your social interactions to be precised).

First you solve the mental problem, then you solve the physical problem. To solve the mental problem, just try to think hard about it, ask questions, your mind maybe numb but try to squeeze every last effort out of it. The goal here is to see things for what it is. To give you a hint, life may seem to have lost color but it's only that way to you. The fact is you do see it's color with your physical eyes. When your mind is ridden with overwhelming emotions, it's hard to think clearly, much less perceived the situation accurately. So try to hold back your emotion and think about every painful memory objectively, was it really what you thought it was? Even if it was that bad, was it so serious of a problem? Once you do that, your emotion will fall away like yellow leaves and make way for more positive emotions. And that should be how it is, everyone should be happy regardless of their past.

To solve your physical problem, just go out and make friend! Sometime sitting on your butt is enough. Friends just pop into your life from nowhere. When you do hang out with your friend, have patient for yourself as well as for your friend. Put your trust on him, not everyone is an angel but most will hang out with you for a long time if you also put in efforts and be nice to them. But having friends could be a pain in the ass sometime if you're an introvert so don't be too excited, there are efforts to be made!