I found out my real problem tonight

[Richey]

well the root of it anyway ..

so people will sarcastically joke around with you, and they'll say something that on the surface seems harsh but you know they are joking underneath and i just have nothing to return with and when i do respond it seems like ive taken it seriously or to heart when of course.. i know they are kidding, but its just i cant think of a darn response so fast .... no come backs at all on the spur of the moment and so then it looks very awkward especially amongst a group of people, so i'll come across as "not having a sense of humour" or "wooden" ...

this happens almost everytime i go out ..and it makes me want to just pack up and go home for not being able to think up decent banter spontaniously ...

so yeh thats my big issue

sod it!

 

[NothingElseMatters]

i have the same exact problem.the mind goes blank n it looks like i have taken what has been said seriously,so i look like a weird and this keeps going on

 

[Atlantis]

Something like that happens to me too.

People tend to treat me seriously. They think I am serious or something like it and when they try to joke or make fun like to relax the situation they think I am not understanding they are joking. They think I am serious about everything I think.

I can't say that I know they are joking because they get too anxious near me. They don't understand it. I can not have fun with them to make they know I am not serious since I get anxious. Its difficult to laugh and act playful, you know it.

It was difficult to notice that this happens to me. Nice, I think you made it clear when you wrote it in your post.

I think we train being playful. I am very playful and funny naturally, more than most people but they view me like the opposite and that screws up everything and creates SA.

 

[Atlantis]

Just yesterday I had a minor(I guess) SA situation at gym in my martial arts class when everyone had to do a series of movements alone in front of everyone.

The first time was very hard but I didn't passed any humiliation or something like that. The second one I think people were more aware of the way I am. That I don't deal well with those kind of situations so it was easier than the first time. I had not a complete sucess and I was still anxious, but I noticed a difference from the first time.

I think that maybe our anxiosity has something to do with people do not understanding we're anxious. Perhaps if we learn how to make they know we get anxious we wouldn't be so anxious.

 

[milo001]

i remember when i'm in college i stay quiet when i'm with this group of peoples but then with my true college friends i can chat and laugh and takes thing kind of serious but they're ok with me.they still talk,laugh and joke with me.but one of them said i need to change my altitude like when i'm walking,my appearance and others.of course i didn't take it seriously.i feel useless because i'm only in college for 2 months.

 

[jamez]

Just smile. I'm not the sharpest tool either. So I just smile, when I can't think of a comeback.

 

[This_face]

Sometimes I'm the same way. However, at the same time, I dig really deep into things people say to me. I tend to over think things and critically look at myself in a hard way, and so I often tend to wonder if behind the joke is something serious. I can laugh and all, but I'm not good at the comebacks and I'm not one to bounce bak very fast or stick up for myself if the jokes hurt me. Instead I hold them inside and they become how I see myself, whether I want to or not. It takes me a long time to find out who I am and what personal jokes are truly jokes. I tend to want to defend myself from the possible falls. That doesn't mean I don't want people to joke around me, and it doesn't mean I don't have a sense of humour.

 

[Cruddy]

Here is something Ive learned and it can be used for anything in life. Not all people are born with the same abilities, some have to work harder at some things while others are born with a talent. Socializing comes easy for some people and others dont have it so easy.
If you went to a concert and you were asked to get on stage and play the piano, without any previous training, you'd think that was rediculous. So if you are not talented in the "come backs" department then why do you expect yourself to have snappy come backs.
My suggestion as with anything I want in my life is to learn how to do it. Sit down and write out all the usual insults/jokes that people do. (they usually dont vary much) and write down some clever comebacks. Rehearse them over and over until they seem natural. Next time someone says something you can reach into your arsenal and come back with something cool and clever. Apply this same technique to any other areas where you are defficient and it will give you alot of personal power and confidence.

 

[ripewithdecay]

I have this exact problem. New people are always tossing jokes out at me from out of nowhere. I find that it's just hard to laugh at yourself when you already feel like shit. If you were able to really feel humor then i think you'd be able to get into the 'zone' and come up with a witty comeback.

 

[GKJB]

Sometimes I'm the same way. However, at the same time, I dig really deep into things people say to me. I tend to over think things and critically look at myself in a hard way, and so I often tend to wonder if behind the joke is something serious. I can laugh and all, but I'm not good at the comebacks and I'm not one to bounce bak very fast or stick up for myself if the jokes hurt me. Instead I hold them inside and they become how I see myself, whether I want to or not. It takes me a long time to find out who I am and what personal jokes are truly jokes. I tend to want to defend myself from the possible falls. That doesn't mean I don't want people to joke around me, and it doesn't mean I don't have a sense of humour.

This is exactly how I feel. I enjoy a laugh & a joke when it isn't aimed at me, but if someone says something about me, joking or not, I will always take it seriously as their opinion, so it also becomes my opinion making me feel awful even if I know they were joking.

I have a bad habit of laughing every time anyone cracks a joke, even though 99% of the time I don't find them funny. I've tried not laughing, but I always worry about what the other person will think if I don't laugh.

 

[buz]

a

I remember when I was a kid I used to always get very anxious in such situations. Now I just smile (as someone has recommended) and say nothing.

 

[KVCC]

I can see where your coming from...


Personally I don't see the joke in insulting someone as a joke, it never is funny at all...

 

[dottie]

i have this problem, too. i have no witty responses. in return people think i have no sense of humor, that i don't get it, or that i am a prude. so depending on the various ways people interpret my lack of response they will begin to treat me accordingly. if they think i have no sense of humor they just don't talk to me as much. if they think i don't get it, they patronize me. if they think i'm a prude they think i'm a snob and uppity. i can't blame people for their responses to my awkward silence but i do not have it in me to come back with fast-paced witty retorts. it's like not possible, like i have a certain path in my brain that is blocked. maybe i unconciously turn off that path around other people for fear of accidentally being obscene and totally offensive.

it is hard in my very social workplace. i am a waitress so i am expected to socialize with patrons and coworkers. people joke around with me all the time but i feel like i let them down because i have no response. i usually just smile and nod. i feel like a fraud for smiling because really i don't find general bullshitting funny or charming. it is just awkward and so smiling is the closest i can do to pretend the situation is at all pleasant in any way for me.

i'm so tired. i hope this makes sense.