I don't know what I want

[dannyboy65]

I haven't been having to many issues with my illness for a while till about a few weeks ago. I sleep all day if I can, and I barely eat. I probably only eat once a day. I don't want to be social with anyone anymore. Hell I think everyone hates me or is out to get me. I'm scared of everything with how shitty this world has become.

I have a great girlfriend and she really cares, in fact, I think she's the only girl who has ever cared for me this much. Yet I treat her like shit and she doesn't let that stop her. I don't deserve her, I barely speak to her when we are together and I don't text her often anymore. I'm always sad or anxious now, and I feel drained. I told my teacher today about my issues and she understood.

I some times tell myself I should end it with my girlfriend cause if I do she won't get hurt if I push her away. But I don't want to do that because I know she really cares about me and will be there the whole way. Like F*&$ can't even be happy when I have everything going so well in my life. All the good that has been happening to me and I'm still feeling like complete S**t. I'm getting really tired of this. I want to be happy, yet it feels almost impossible to be happy.

I do everything good. I have good morals, I'm a positive person, I have a lot of friends, I've got a lovely girlfriend, and I'm on my way to do the job I really want. Why on f***ing earth am I still feeling like crap. I'm fed up with having so much mental illness. I've been trying all my best to live with it cause that's all I can do but I'm wearing down. I don't know what I should do.

 

[Megaten]

I dont think theres really such a thing as being perfectly happy man. At least not for human beings. And it seems the more you chase it the more unhappy it can make you. For all intents and purposes I can say I have it pretty good compared to someone living in a mud hut somewhere but that doesnt stop me from getting pretty miserable about life. The past few weeks have been pretty crappy for me even though I know in my mind that logically it could really be worse. Much much worse.

 

[Addiebox]

If you hate world and what it has become you can do something about it.

 

[Gunther]

ayyy welcome to the club

 

[theslowesthand]

I dont think theres really such a thing as being perfectly happy man. At least not for human beings. And it seems the more you chase it the more unhappy it can make you. For all intents and purposes I can say I have it pretty good compared to someone living in a mud hut somewhere but that doesnt stop me from getting pretty miserable about life. The past few weeks have been pretty crappy for me even though I know in my mind that logically it could really be worse. Much much worse.

I'd say i've got it rougher, psychologically-wise than most people living in mud huts. Many days i just wish i could die, & end all this painfully drawn-out agony once and for all .. you know, i'm WAY past being sick of waiting it all to end. For the time being there's nothing i can do, or allow myself to do. So i just struggle on in this misery. So my advice (take with pinch of salt) is to keep struggling, keep living, keep trying, even if it seems totally futile & hopeless. Why?. That's a question i cannot really answer.