Penfold
Member
being looked at.
I have always felt that social anxiety/phobia never described my problems because I believe I have a great personality and none of my anxiety relates to fearing what to say to people, yet I suffer from social anxiety.
But I now realise my problem is a fear of being looked at, which means talking face to face, in groups, all eyes on me, centre of attention makes me so anxious.
Can anyone else relate to this?
My scopophobia was caused by years of put downs, insults, name calling, ridicule, laughed at, etc in my teenage years and in recent years. I am in my late 20s now and this problem has held me back so much in life. I always seemed to be called names, insulted, ridiculed, told I was ugly, etc in my teenage years. People always seemed to judge me negatively for how I looked.
Then around the age of 17 I seemed to get so many put downs and ridicule about how I looked and my nose, in the space of about 3 months I received so many negative comments, it was just so hurtful. I started a weekend job and people ridiculed me for how I looked. I went on holiday and some girl said I had big nose and was ugly. I started college and people there were saying I had big nose and was ugly.
My nose is bigger than average but not huge and I never thought it was that bad, but people were making me feel like an ugly freak for my nose.
I started always hiding my nose from that point and hating being looked at because I just believed that whenever people look at me or see my nose they would insult me, ridicule me, judge me negatively, etc.
Over the next few years I had more and more negative comments about how I looked. I remember times where people laughed at me, my friends at university said I was ugly as ****, at work a lady said out loud to the whole office of 35 people that I had a big nose and started insulting and ridiculing me. Some people in the office laughed, some people said they were disgusted with what she was doing. I can remember so many put downs for how I look, I became so self conscious and just hated people looking at me, I just developed beliefs if anyone looks at me they will judge me negatively, think I am ugly as ****, may insult me or say something behind my back, but basically that they would think awful things of me.
Nowadays I try my very hardest to look my best - I get my haircut every 4 weeks which is styled and cool. I have nice eyes, I have good teeth, I dress very smart, I am tall and in good shape. I often look in the mirror and think I look good, but as soon as I am around people I just hate being looked at, I still believe if people look at me or see my nose that they can only judge me one way - negatively, judge me as ugly and a freak.
It just makes life so hard, I struggle so much in any situation where people can see me.
Typical examples: I find it so hard speaking to women, I feel so self conscious with how I look and hate being looked at - which makes me so anxious and unable to get my words out.
I hate meeting new people because I hate being looked at - I feel so self conscious again, feel so ugly and that I will only be judged negatively and as ugly.
I hate walking down a street for example where many cars pass. I absolutely hate walking past stationary traffic.
I hate approaching people and asking for things as they will be looking at me.
I hate anything in groups - like meetings or training courses where you have to speak out loud - I just cannot do it, I get so anxious that I am sick and cannot get a word out.
I hate walking past windows.
I hate walking into work when its busy or walking into the office when I am late and everyone looks at me.
I avoid people - I avoid women in particular - I am always hiding my face with my hand - I am always pretending to wipe my eye or I look away from people.
I even hate being in my car in traffic and cars to the side of me are stopped too, I just cover my face by resting my head on my hand. I hate getting on a bus and everyone is looking forwards and can see me.
I hate being in queues.
I hate interviews with 2 people looking at me.
Even as I have written this at work I have hid my face maybe 10 times so far as people have walked past me.
I just believe that when people look at me they are judging me as ugly and disgusting and find me repulsive and a freak. I feel so ugly and unworthy. I feel ashamed. I believe everyone is shallow and when anyone looks at me they will think awful things of me. I believe people will even say things about how I look - because in the past so many people have done.
I feel like crap basically.
I have tried hypnotherapy, I have worked a lot on understanding my problems and trying to change how I think, I have read so many books, I have chatted lots about it with people, but I cannot stop how I feel. I fear being looked at. I feel ashamed when being looked at and believe people can only judge me negatively when they look at me.
I wish so much to beat this. I am thinking of trying hypnotherapy again. I think that is the only thing that can change my beliefs and how I think.
Can anyone else relate to this?
I have always felt that social anxiety/phobia never described my problems because I believe I have a great personality and none of my anxiety relates to fearing what to say to people, yet I suffer from social anxiety.
But I now realise my problem is a fear of being looked at, which means talking face to face, in groups, all eyes on me, centre of attention makes me so anxious.
Can anyone else relate to this?
My scopophobia was caused by years of put downs, insults, name calling, ridicule, laughed at, etc in my teenage years and in recent years. I am in my late 20s now and this problem has held me back so much in life. I always seemed to be called names, insulted, ridiculed, told I was ugly, etc in my teenage years. People always seemed to judge me negatively for how I looked.
Then around the age of 17 I seemed to get so many put downs and ridicule about how I looked and my nose, in the space of about 3 months I received so many negative comments, it was just so hurtful. I started a weekend job and people ridiculed me for how I looked. I went on holiday and some girl said I had big nose and was ugly. I started college and people there were saying I had big nose and was ugly.
My nose is bigger than average but not huge and I never thought it was that bad, but people were making me feel like an ugly freak for my nose.
I started always hiding my nose from that point and hating being looked at because I just believed that whenever people look at me or see my nose they would insult me, ridicule me, judge me negatively, etc.
Over the next few years I had more and more negative comments about how I looked. I remember times where people laughed at me, my friends at university said I was ugly as ****, at work a lady said out loud to the whole office of 35 people that I had a big nose and started insulting and ridiculing me. Some people in the office laughed, some people said they were disgusted with what she was doing. I can remember so many put downs for how I look, I became so self conscious and just hated people looking at me, I just developed beliefs if anyone looks at me they will judge me negatively, think I am ugly as ****, may insult me or say something behind my back, but basically that they would think awful things of me.
Nowadays I try my very hardest to look my best - I get my haircut every 4 weeks which is styled and cool. I have nice eyes, I have good teeth, I dress very smart, I am tall and in good shape. I often look in the mirror and think I look good, but as soon as I am around people I just hate being looked at, I still believe if people look at me or see my nose that they can only judge me one way - negatively, judge me as ugly and a freak.
It just makes life so hard, I struggle so much in any situation where people can see me.
Typical examples: I find it so hard speaking to women, I feel so self conscious with how I look and hate being looked at - which makes me so anxious and unable to get my words out.
I hate meeting new people because I hate being looked at - I feel so self conscious again, feel so ugly and that I will only be judged negatively and as ugly.
I hate walking down a street for example where many cars pass. I absolutely hate walking past stationary traffic.
I hate approaching people and asking for things as they will be looking at me.
I hate anything in groups - like meetings or training courses where you have to speak out loud - I just cannot do it, I get so anxious that I am sick and cannot get a word out.
I hate walking past windows.
I hate walking into work when its busy or walking into the office when I am late and everyone looks at me.
I avoid people - I avoid women in particular - I am always hiding my face with my hand - I am always pretending to wipe my eye or I look away from people.
I even hate being in my car in traffic and cars to the side of me are stopped too, I just cover my face by resting my head on my hand. I hate getting on a bus and everyone is looking forwards and can see me.
I hate being in queues.
I hate interviews with 2 people looking at me.
Even as I have written this at work I have hid my face maybe 10 times so far as people have walked past me.
I just believe that when people look at me they are judging me as ugly and disgusting and find me repulsive and a freak. I feel so ugly and unworthy. I feel ashamed. I believe everyone is shallow and when anyone looks at me they will think awful things of me. I believe people will even say things about how I look - because in the past so many people have done.
I feel like crap basically.
I have tried hypnotherapy, I have worked a lot on understanding my problems and trying to change how I think, I have read so many books, I have chatted lots about it with people, but I cannot stop how I feel. I fear being looked at. I feel ashamed when being looked at and believe people can only judge me negatively when they look at me.
I wish so much to beat this. I am thinking of trying hypnotherapy again. I think that is the only thing that can change my beliefs and how I think.
Can anyone else relate to this?
