soulwindows
New member
Hi All,
I suffer heavily from a condition/affliction where I cannot look people in the eye. I’m not sure how or why it started for me, but I do know that is started around 9 years ago. Prior to this I had practically no issues with confidence. In fact others would tell me that they were jealous of the self-assurance and belief that I had in myself. I guess this is the hardest part for me – 1) knowing that my social interaction skills and confidence have fallen from such a great height, and 2) I still remember what it was like to be the person that I used to be. If truth be known, I want that person back.
Now? Well now, social interaction is uncomfortable, and at best awkward.
When I do look people in the eye I get a rush of anxiety and feel panic, especially when our eyes meet. I become hot and sweat, and then worry that this affliction is manifesting itself in my facial expressions - I’m sure it does from the reaction I see in the other person. It takes so much energy and thought to deal with all of this (not that I do deal with it) that the interaction with the other person becomes second to the coping with the emotions that I am feeling.
This happens with everybody – the person working at the supermarket checkout, colleagues, friends, and worst of all, my family and girlfriend.
My family. Why, oh why can I not look these people in the eye when I have known them all my life?
So I look away. 90% of the time I will fixate on the nose. I know that the other person notices this because pretty much EVERYONE will scratch or wipe the underside of their nose. The other 10% of the time I will fixate on something else: a mole, a wart, etc. Again the other person will notice this but I’m not doing it to be rude, its just that my eyes are drawing away from their eyes and that is where they have landed. With women I sometimes fixate on the breasts. I’m not doing this for some sort of sexual kick but that is the embarrassing impression it gives. I’ve noticed women covering low-cut tops or buttoning-up.
So what has this done to me? Because I spend so much time being aware of what I am doing I try to keep conversations and interactions as short as possible. At work I’m not taking in all the vital information I should do and it is affecting my outputs. I hate doing this to friends and family, and meeting new people is a disaster.
In short, I lose a bit of my personality. I haven’t turned into a complete recluse, e.g. I will go to the cinema or to a sports game with friends, but any social event where there is a little more conversation (e.g. a dinner party) I will either avoid or dread going because I know what will happen.
I’ve tried all sorts of ‘remedies’: fixating on other facial features, imagining it is all in my head, relaxing (yeah, right!), practicing in the mirror, deep breathing, positive thought, but none of it has worked so far. In fact the conditions has slowly worsened.
I don’t hate myself but I don’t like what I have become. I deal with this all the time, and to be honest, I would do anything for just 24 hours of normality.
Can anyone help... please?
I suffer heavily from a condition/affliction where I cannot look people in the eye. I’m not sure how or why it started for me, but I do know that is started around 9 years ago. Prior to this I had practically no issues with confidence. In fact others would tell me that they were jealous of the self-assurance and belief that I had in myself. I guess this is the hardest part for me – 1) knowing that my social interaction skills and confidence have fallen from such a great height, and 2) I still remember what it was like to be the person that I used to be. If truth be known, I want that person back.
Now? Well now, social interaction is uncomfortable, and at best awkward.
When I do look people in the eye I get a rush of anxiety and feel panic, especially when our eyes meet. I become hot and sweat, and then worry that this affliction is manifesting itself in my facial expressions - I’m sure it does from the reaction I see in the other person. It takes so much energy and thought to deal with all of this (not that I do deal with it) that the interaction with the other person becomes second to the coping with the emotions that I am feeling.
This happens with everybody – the person working at the supermarket checkout, colleagues, friends, and worst of all, my family and girlfriend.
My family. Why, oh why can I not look these people in the eye when I have known them all my life?
So I look away. 90% of the time I will fixate on the nose. I know that the other person notices this because pretty much EVERYONE will scratch or wipe the underside of their nose. The other 10% of the time I will fixate on something else: a mole, a wart, etc. Again the other person will notice this but I’m not doing it to be rude, its just that my eyes are drawing away from their eyes and that is where they have landed. With women I sometimes fixate on the breasts. I’m not doing this for some sort of sexual kick but that is the embarrassing impression it gives. I’ve noticed women covering low-cut tops or buttoning-up.
So what has this done to me? Because I spend so much time being aware of what I am doing I try to keep conversations and interactions as short as possible. At work I’m not taking in all the vital information I should do and it is affecting my outputs. I hate doing this to friends and family, and meeting new people is a disaster.
In short, I lose a bit of my personality. I haven’t turned into a complete recluse, e.g. I will go to the cinema or to a sports game with friends, but any social event where there is a little more conversation (e.g. a dinner party) I will either avoid or dread going because I know what will happen.
I’ve tried all sorts of ‘remedies’: fixating on other facial features, imagining it is all in my head, relaxing (yeah, right!), practicing in the mirror, deep breathing, positive thought, but none of it has worked so far. In fact the conditions has slowly worsened.
I don’t hate myself but I don’t like what I have become. I deal with this all the time, and to be honest, I would do anything for just 24 hours of normality.
Can anyone help... please?