I can never do anything right

[planemo]

Something I've noticed a lot in my life, is that people who are supposedly similar to you, by whatever circumstance tend to show less sympathy towards you when doing nothing.

Teachers in primary school who were of same race and ethnicity, and social status - hated me, despite me not doing anything wrong. They wanted the class to be quiet and listen - I was one of the people who always followed that rule. They wanted the students to do their homework and listen to their instructions - I did that without fail. I caused them no trouble whatsoever. You think I would be one their favourite students. Wrong, they hated me for being so quiet and distant. Even when I did nothing, they still found fault in me. How can someone do something wrong if he is not doing anything? They were always on my case for anything I did "wrong". Like looking a little tired or having a stare which seemed like I was in a distant place and time, daydreaming.

The same goes for other people similar to me like other social phobics. They adopt the same attitude towards me. Even though I've never in anyway harmed or hurt them, they still adopt an attitude of contempt towards me and find fault in everything I do, or should I say don't do.

I just had to get that off my chest.

 

[theslowesthand]

That's a very good point .. a truth that is so subtle that it tends to get overlooked by everyone, including ourselves.

I felt a fair bit of that growing up, especially in school. I was a very very quite student. Just did my classwork, and hardly said "boo" to anyone, even my "friends" whom i sat next to in all my classes. And i never even realised it was an "issue" really, until at the end of one year, where each student in my class had to do a "talk" on anything. One girl did a "humourous" talk on her "take" on various classmates, and she said sth like 'the talkative one' about me, at which everyone laughed. There was the odd other instance of "class ridicule", but otherwise i didn't actually BELIEVE i was ever "annoying" anyone else.

I guess some (or many?) people find such a quality to "get on their wick"? Maybe they see it as unhealthy, or unnatural? Or maybe they're just extremely shallow, & only "respect" those who are "active and engaging"? (else they believe the person to have no feelings, substance, or whatever?).
I think that most people are actually very "dumb" (shallow, self-centered, literal, take things on face value, judgemental, etc, etc), and so one can fairly well expect to be viewed & treated in a not-so-nice way, by most people (?)

 

[OceanMist]

We are a social species, and status and value of someone is based on one's ability to communicate with others. It's no surprise that shyness is looked down upon considering it violates human nature.

The reason you got bad responses in class was because you didn't say anything at all. Yes, you followed directions to be quiet, but teachers hate it when students don't participate in class discussions. They probably didn't hate you, but they did hate that you didn't contribute to class discussions. I had that same problem throughout all my schooling. It was always my one flaw that teachers brought up about me.

I'd advise getting used to people not liking you. There are a lot of people that have not liked me throughout my life. I think it's impossible to avoid if you have SAD.

 

[planemo]

That's a very good point .. a truth that is so subtle that it tends to get overlooked by everyone, including ourselves.

I felt a fair bit of that growing up, especially in school. I was a very very quite student. Just did my classwork, and hardly said "boo" to anyone, even my "friends" whom i sat next to in all my classes. And i never even realised it was an "issue" really, until at the end of one year, where each student in my class had to do a "talk" on anything. One girl did a "humourous" talk on her "take" on various classmates, and she said sth like 'the talkative one' about me, at which everyone laughed. There was the odd other instance of "class ridicule", but otherwise i didn't actually BELIEVE i was ever "annoying" anyone else.

I guess some (or many?) people find such a quality to "get on their wick"? Maybe they see it as unhealthy, or unnatural? Or maybe they're just extremely shallow, & only "respect" those who are "active and engaging"? (else they believe the person to have no feelings, substance, or whatever?).
I think that most people are actually very "dumb" (shallow, self-centered, literal, take things on face value, judgemental, etc, etc), and so one can fairly well expect to be viewed & treated in a not-so-nice way, by most people (?)

I suppose it can be seen as being unnatural by others who are more prone to expressing themselves. But what I never seem to understand is why people attack you when you're not doing anything. If someone is bothering you, by doing something, then I can understand, but by staying out of your way completely? I guess it does tend to bother other people. So much so that they have to do something about it.

Another thing I noticed is that people who tend to know more about you or have come in contact with you in some way, or have heard or are told something about you by others (which is usually not verified but taken as fact), are usually the ones to act upon your invisible wrongs. I get the feeling they take your aloof behaviour more personally as compared to that of a stranger.

 

[planemo]

I'd advise getting used to people not liking you. There are a lot of people that have not liked me throughout my life. I think it's impossible to avoid if you have SAD.

Yep you're right. I've been on the receiving end of this type of treatment for my whole life. I guess I should just take it on the chin. Thanks

 

[OceanMist]

Yep you're right. I've been on the receiving end of this type of treatment for my whole life. I guess I should just take it on the chin. Thanks

Something I forgot to add is to surround yourself with people that do like you, because there will people that like you. Block out the bad, take in the good.

 

[new account]

People did the same thing to me. If I didn't speak, they always said "why are you so quiet?" They never thought that maybe I stayed so quiet because they kept bothering me. If someone keeps offending you, would you try to talk to them, or be quiet hoping they leave you alone since you're not harming them? If you mock someone, you shouldn't ask them later on "why are you so quiet?"