j_mo
Member
hi, this is my first post
i am 26 and recovering slowly from this world of pain and frustration of social anxiety. Ive been using CBT techniques to modify my perspective on social interactions and so far they have helped me significantly. I am better to the point now that i can pretty much have a conversation with someone and not go red or sweat, however i am still very reluctant to speak up in groups of people and find myself acting very conservatively, my conversation in groups of people is limited to questions and quick statements- i am very reluctant to recount personal experiences for fear that i'll somehow humiliate myself. I know this thinking is symptomatic of social anxiety but currently i find myself genuinely believing these thoughts to be true, which is a problem and i am not happy about it. This thinking extends to a range of different situations and impinges on my happiness and enjoyment of life significantly.
examples:
-i hate introducing myself to anyone especially infront of people- for fear of humiliation if they reject me or make me look stupid
-im a mess trying to run a meeting at work- anxious and quiet
-i don't put much effort into maintaining releationships i have with friends because i fear ill humiliate myself at some point.
-i dislike making phone calls especially if someone is next to me & able to hear
-i can barely talk to a girl if i like her- this situation will pretty much guarantee sweating and redness,
-i even don't keep particularly good contact with my family because i'd rather not have them think im useless or stupid or disappointed in me
-i don't much like going to socail events- especially be myself for fear of having no one to talk to and then looking stupid and humiliating myself
However- once in a social situation and in a group of people i am comfortable i can be chatty and witty and relaxed, however this certainly isn't always the case.
I think ive always been a bit shy- from about age 8 onwards (before this i was quite loud outgoing however something happen and my world caved in on me and i became quite quiet) though high school and through university, then luckily i got a decent job before i had my first panic attack which caused my world to collapse in around me again. After my first panic attack (at work) i became anxious around people for fear of humiliating myself and for fear of having a panic attack which would humiliate me alot more- once the thought that i might have a panic attack entered my head it was pretty much guaranteed to happen because thats all i could think about.
After trying to hide my problems i looked up my symptoms on the net and began to learn about Anxiety, i then went to a GP who gave me some drugs which didn't really work that effectively, the beta blockers are pretty good though to stop your heart rate getting up ad out of hand, after a 6month course of drugs the doc reffered me to an anxiety psycologist who prceeded to try and cure me by educating me about my condition but this wasn't that effective so i found myself a CBT specialist and have been seeing her for the last year or so, it is with her advice that i have seen the biggest improvements.
I now hardly ever have panic attacks and are much calmer and able to talk to most people to a reasonable degree- much better than before.
It is these remaining thoughts (mentioned above) that still plague me.
I need adice on what to do about them
Heres how my CBT technique works: i have a notebook and i do "thought records" where i write down the situation i was anxious in, then in another column i write what i was thinking at the time, generally it goes like this " oh no, thats wrong, they'll think im stupid, this is humiliating, i look like a fool" then in the next column i write logical balanced thoughts such as " this isn't humiliating, they don't think i look stupid, if im doing that i think is right then people won't think im doing the wrong thing, im doing well here" or something similar tailored to each situation. The key is that when you recount these situations in your head and try to think of non anxious rational thoughts your mind will start to see the situations with a differnt perspective- the alternative balanced thoughts must be believeable to you- this is the hard bit.
I have found a very poweful technique to coming up with these alternative thoughts is to talk through your anxoius situations with someone and ask them how they would be thinking in that situation- i found myself asking "but why did u not find this humiliating" & its amazing but my friend who helped me out here very much actually didn't think that she would be humiliated- having this veiw point helped to put things in perspective and made counter-statements in my thought records more believable.
Can anyone who has pretty much recovered from social anxiety help me out here, back when i started CBT i my altenate thoughts where aimed at countering " i've made a mistake" then "i look stupid" and now they have evolved to "i am not actually humiliating myself".
is there a further variant to this alternate thought that will help me defeat these thoughts because at this stage i still am fearful of something that keeps me quiet and stops me living my life how i want to,
i will continue what im doing to try and figure out this last (hopefully) issue, advice would be so welcome.
My advice for others, try and use CBT, and if you can talk to people, as you get better this will get easier, and go see a CBT psycologist, it is worth every penny. And yeh i know this aint easy, but this has worked so far for me, and im pretty sure it should work for most people.
Good luck,
& sorry this post was so long
i am 26 and recovering slowly from this world of pain and frustration of social anxiety. Ive been using CBT techniques to modify my perspective on social interactions and so far they have helped me significantly. I am better to the point now that i can pretty much have a conversation with someone and not go red or sweat, however i am still very reluctant to speak up in groups of people and find myself acting very conservatively, my conversation in groups of people is limited to questions and quick statements- i am very reluctant to recount personal experiences for fear that i'll somehow humiliate myself. I know this thinking is symptomatic of social anxiety but currently i find myself genuinely believing these thoughts to be true, which is a problem and i am not happy about it. This thinking extends to a range of different situations and impinges on my happiness and enjoyment of life significantly.
examples:
-i hate introducing myself to anyone especially infront of people- for fear of humiliation if they reject me or make me look stupid
-im a mess trying to run a meeting at work- anxious and quiet
-i don't put much effort into maintaining releationships i have with friends because i fear ill humiliate myself at some point.
-i dislike making phone calls especially if someone is next to me & able to hear
-i can barely talk to a girl if i like her- this situation will pretty much guarantee sweating and redness,
-i even don't keep particularly good contact with my family because i'd rather not have them think im useless or stupid or disappointed in me
-i don't much like going to socail events- especially be myself for fear of having no one to talk to and then looking stupid and humiliating myself
However- once in a social situation and in a group of people i am comfortable i can be chatty and witty and relaxed, however this certainly isn't always the case.
I think ive always been a bit shy- from about age 8 onwards (before this i was quite loud outgoing however something happen and my world caved in on me and i became quite quiet) though high school and through university, then luckily i got a decent job before i had my first panic attack which caused my world to collapse in around me again. After my first panic attack (at work) i became anxious around people for fear of humiliating myself and for fear of having a panic attack which would humiliate me alot more- once the thought that i might have a panic attack entered my head it was pretty much guaranteed to happen because thats all i could think about.
After trying to hide my problems i looked up my symptoms on the net and began to learn about Anxiety, i then went to a GP who gave me some drugs which didn't really work that effectively, the beta blockers are pretty good though to stop your heart rate getting up ad out of hand, after a 6month course of drugs the doc reffered me to an anxiety psycologist who prceeded to try and cure me by educating me about my condition but this wasn't that effective so i found myself a CBT specialist and have been seeing her for the last year or so, it is with her advice that i have seen the biggest improvements.
I now hardly ever have panic attacks and are much calmer and able to talk to most people to a reasonable degree- much better than before.
It is these remaining thoughts (mentioned above) that still plague me.
I need adice on what to do about them
Heres how my CBT technique works: i have a notebook and i do "thought records" where i write down the situation i was anxious in, then in another column i write what i was thinking at the time, generally it goes like this " oh no, thats wrong, they'll think im stupid, this is humiliating, i look like a fool" then in the next column i write logical balanced thoughts such as " this isn't humiliating, they don't think i look stupid, if im doing that i think is right then people won't think im doing the wrong thing, im doing well here" or something similar tailored to each situation. The key is that when you recount these situations in your head and try to think of non anxious rational thoughts your mind will start to see the situations with a differnt perspective- the alternative balanced thoughts must be believeable to you- this is the hard bit.
I have found a very poweful technique to coming up with these alternative thoughts is to talk through your anxoius situations with someone and ask them how they would be thinking in that situation- i found myself asking "but why did u not find this humiliating" & its amazing but my friend who helped me out here very much actually didn't think that she would be humiliated- having this veiw point helped to put things in perspective and made counter-statements in my thought records more believable.
Can anyone who has pretty much recovered from social anxiety help me out here, back when i started CBT i my altenate thoughts where aimed at countering " i've made a mistake" then "i look stupid" and now they have evolved to "i am not actually humiliating myself".
is there a further variant to this alternate thought that will help me defeat these thoughts because at this stage i still am fearful of something that keeps me quiet and stops me living my life how i want to,
i will continue what im doing to try and figure out this last (hopefully) issue, advice would be so welcome.
My advice for others, try and use CBT, and if you can talk to people, as you get better this will get easier, and go see a CBT psycologist, it is worth every penny. And yeh i know this aint easy, but this has worked so far for me, and im pretty sure it should work for most people.
Good luck,
& sorry this post was so long
