I am not going to be okay.

[ForWantOf]

I've ruined my life. I had nothing for so long. By some miracle, I gained everything, and I sabotaged it. I don't know what's going to happen to me. I have no idea what I'm going to do tomorrow. I've never felt more lost in my life.

I feel like I'm wasting away. Pieces of me are chipping off and disintegrating, and soon there won't be anything left.

What I've lost, I can never have again. What I had was beyond special, beyond anything I could have imagined. I don't know why I've made this thread. I'm not looking for advice or sympathy. I just don't have anyone to talk to right now, and I needed to write down what I was thinking and feeling. This place is where it all started for me. So it seemed as good a spot as any. I don't know if I'll post anything else in this thread. For right now, I need to go for a walk because I'm certainly not sleeping tonight.

 

[neardeath]

I relate and agree with the disintegrating part. I feel less able every day, and will never be able to pick up the pieces. Coming here is the only thing that helps anymore.

 

[Opaline]

Both the original post and the reply above me are so sad... I don't even know what to say. I feel kind of hopeless myself, maybe that's why.

 

[Alienated]

Why has society bullied us into hole we have to hide in ? I look out my window and don't want anything to do with their insanity, but the loneliness terrifies me. I have spent 7 years in isolation, and watched everybody just disappear. Nobody will even have a cup of coffee with you anymore, unless they see a profit for themselves somehow.

They are so delusional, they can't follow any line of reason. Personally I think it's just we are so meaningless to them, they don't listen. I asked myself what is the very least thing someone can do for another human being ? I came up with...
Listen to what they have to say.....But they can't even do that....

The funny thing is I have spent 7 years studying and preparing myself, so I could be of value. And now that I have something worth while to offer, it's meaningless, valueless, and unwanted....I'm hated for my beliefs, because I don't believe in hate.... I have educated myself to find the meaning of life, but the world loves death. I have fought my way out of a pit of despair, and want to help others get out of theirs.

Only to find totally apathy for any truth at all, and personal emotional experience has replaced evidence. And delusional daydreaming swapped for rational thinking. And the most bizarre Ludacris childish behavior is rewarded, and maturity of any kind is attacked. I am beginning to regret the day I was ever born, and I am glad my family didn't live to see what we have become.