I have a confession to make and I hope you don't mind me making it here. I am currently ruining an innocent man's life. I am in love with a man who I have lied to about everything right down to my name and birthday. I am incapable of telling a single truth about myself because I have been buillied by everyone including my parents and I just don't want to be me. I create a fake persona when I meet new people because it's the only way I feel slightly able to communicate with them, if I'm wearing a mask and playing a part. I fell in love with a man under my fake persona and 3 years and a marriage proposal later he still believes it's who I am. I'm going to marry a man who does not know my name. Rather than owning up to all my lies I changed my name by deed poll so that he won't find out. I'm pushing my family out of my life because they don't fit in with the lies I've told. I hate what I'm doing I hate lying but I want so bad to be 'the new me' that I don't seem to care who gets caught up along the way. I love him. I'm evil. It would be better for everyone if I just died, this sounds dramatic but it's true. You only get one life, and in my quest to find a better one I've ruined everyone else's. Selfish, disgusting, cow. I did my life wrong, delete, delete, delete.
I am a massive bitch.
- Thread starter target101
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BiWinning
Well-known member
Sometimes it is easier to pretend to be someone else, but could you live with this man if you don't tell him the truth? Or at least some form of the truth....
Lies do seem make everything better sometimes. But they are just like band-aids and they won't stay there forever. Better tell the truth now and lose a fiance then have him find out the truth later and lose a husband and future kids....
Lies do seem make everything better sometimes. But they are just like band-aids and they won't stay there forever. Better tell the truth now and lose a fiance then have him find out the truth later and lose a husband and future kids....
upndwn
Well-known member
Hi, welcome to SPW target101 
I don't know you so I can't really say what kind of person you are, but it sounds like you have a lot of self-guilt. What you have done sounds selfish and not fair to anyone. My suggestion would be to come clean with your feelings no matter the cost. There is no reason to ruin anyone's life over this. You will feel better about your decision in the long term and you spare yourself and anyone else involved a lot of anguish.
I don't know you so I can't really say what kind of person you are, but it sounds like you have a lot of self-guilt. What you have done sounds selfish and not fair to anyone. My suggestion would be to come clean with your feelings no matter the cost. There is no reason to ruin anyone's life over this. You will feel better about your decision in the long term and you spare yourself and anyone else involved a lot of anguish.
coyote
Well-known member
i married a woman who turned out to be someone different than i thought she was
if i were him, i'd rather find out now than later
maybe your past isn't as bad as you think - or perhaps he won't think it's as bad as you do
he may very well love you more for having the courage to reveal yourself to him
if i were him, i'd rather find out now than later
maybe your past isn't as bad as you think - or perhaps he won't think it's as bad as you do
he may very well love you more for having the courage to reveal yourself to him
WeirdyMcGee
Well-known member
I think if you were to explain it to him the same way you did here- he may be understanding of your situation.
Afterall... he's in love with you as a person and if he plans to have you in his life, he has to deal with all of you; including your lying.
He may actually know about your lies and just be playing along.
My boyfriend of 8 years was a compulsive liar.
He never told me that he was lying; but I could tell when what he was saying wasn't the truth and I would choose to look past it because I loved him and lying is a hard thing to stop once you've gotten started.
You will be hurting him if you choose not to tell him sooner or later and everything will blow up in your face.
It would be better to get things out in the open and start with a fresh slate.
Tell him that you love him and that is the one thing that you are most sure about - if anything. That's true about you, right?
If he doesn't freak out and run away - which, I don't think he will - couples counseling will be the next positive step you can take.
Afterall... he's in love with you as a person and if he plans to have you in his life, he has to deal with all of you; including your lying.
He may actually know about your lies and just be playing along.
My boyfriend of 8 years was a compulsive liar.
He never told me that he was lying; but I could tell when what he was saying wasn't the truth and I would choose to look past it because I loved him and lying is a hard thing to stop once you've gotten started.
You will be hurting him if you choose not to tell him sooner or later and everything will blow up in your face.
It would be better to get things out in the open and start with a fresh slate.
Tell him that you love him and that is the one thing that you are most sure about - if anything. That's true about you, right?
If he doesn't freak out and run away - which, I don't think he will - couples counseling will be the next positive step you can take.
Rembrandt Broam
Well-known member
I'm sure this guy didn't fall in love with a name, or a birthday or who your family happen to be. He fell in love with you, and unless you've been putting on a fake personality for the last 3 years (which would be pretty tough to do without ever letting the real you slip out) then you are still the person he fell in love with. All that has changed are a few of the background details.
If you're going to marry this guy then you do need to come clean about most or all of this though. It's going to be a shock whenever he finds out, but I think it would be much worse if he found out after you were married. Tell him what you've done, but more importantly tell him why you felt the need to do it. He's probably going to go through quite a few emotions when you tell him, but if he loves you then he should be able to understand and move beyond this. Good luck, and I hope it all turns out well for the both of you.
If you're going to marry this guy then you do need to come clean about most or all of this though. It's going to be a shock whenever he finds out, but I think it would be much worse if he found out after you were married. Tell him what you've done, but more importantly tell him why you felt the need to do it. He's probably going to go through quite a few emotions when you tell him, but if he loves you then he should be able to understand and move beyond this. Good luck, and I hope it all turns out well for the both of you.