How you act in realtionships...

[nerdgirl178]

I was wondering how you guys act in realtionships? I am very scared to get in one because I am ashamed of my disorder and plus I don't know if the person will understand. And ofcousrse I have a hard time opening up and I hide my feelings and stuff, don't know if you all relate. I was dating this really great guy and in a month he lost interest in me already! I knew it was going to happen since he is so social and has tons of friends and I am socially anxious and I knew it won't work but I wanted to work it out but I guess it was hard for him to handle. I know it has to do with my disorder but he says it doesn't but I know it is because SA takes overy my entire life now. Just wondering how you guys, in relationships, manage to be in one, in other words how do you make it work?

 

[Chilling__Echo]

it depends on how severe your anxiety is. but most people know that i don't drink or go to clubs or whatever. so i just try and let people know that ahead of time so i don't get dissapointed later. i also try the best i can to go places and do things. compromise is important. but opening up is fairly easy for me, with some things, but i have known the people i've dated for years before it advanced to more than just that.

just be yourself, you don't have to tell them you have SA and you'll find people that will be able to work with you. don't be afraid of relationships themselves, the best thing to do is to be friends beforehand and then let things advance - that way they are used to you and you are used to them. so you'll want to be with that person, not want to be in a relationship (does that make sense?). you won't be afraid to open up b/c you will already have some trust in that person. don't think things have to be forced - good luck :wink: any special person in your life right now? even if they don't know it yet?

 

[Remus]

I tend to get insecure and fuck it up royally

mind you in my four long term rels (and the last short term one) I tend to get dumped for someone else, so its understandable

mind you its understandable as I have a big problem with intimacy and ALL my ex's felt neglected, then again....I'm an abuse suvivor so that a whole host of shit to deal with in itself

 

[ColdFury]

I don't form relationships because of it

 

[nerdgirl178]

I feel like Coldfury does. I tend to tell myself not to get involved because of my disorder. But then I meet a great, handsome and intelligent guy and I fall for him and I can't help it. I risk it. It always hurts in the end.

 

[LittleMissScareAll]

I'm always really nervous around them until I get to know the person really well. And usually they don't stick around long enough FOR me to get to know them well.

 

[LittleMissScareAll]

I'm always really nervous around them until I get to know the person really well. And usually they don't stick around long enough FOR me to get to know them well.

You have to be very selective about the people you fall in love with.

I usually "study" them pretty intensely and I'm very selective about the people I talk to and/or eventually fall in love with. If someone falls in love with me I don't immediately take the chance to start a relationship, or anything. I have serious conversations with them about feelings and I always explain and try showing how I really am so they won't be disappointed. I feel that if someone doesn't understand or doesn't want to cope with the way I am, then they don't deserve me. Luckily, there ARE people in this crazy world that are able to love and understand the person you are inside, and that's something to smile about

That may be true for you, but nobody could ever love or understand me. I don't believe in love...maybe it exists for other people, but not for me. Everytime I meet somebody, it always ends the EXACT same way...with them trying to get away from me, but they're too cowardly to tell me to my face that they don't like me, or to tell me what it is that's so terrible about me that they never want to see me or speak to me again...but instead, they just ignore me and avoid me and eventually they're gone. :? And some people have told me it's because I don't try hard enough but that isn't true either... it's the person I'm in the "relationship" with that won't try, because I'm obviously not good enough for anybody.

 

[ColdFury]

I feel like Coldfury does. I tend to tell myself not to get involved because of my disorder. But then I meet a great, handsome and intelligent guy and I fall for him and I can't help it. I risk it. It always hurts in the end.

I'm not telling myself anything. I'm saying my SA keeps me from having any relationships. I don't even have anyone to fall for.

 

[LittleMissScareAll]

See, that's why I said you have to study their behaviour and emotions first. Not all people would diss you for who you are, and there are most likely lots of guys in the same situation as you are. Someday you'll find someone who understands you fully, and luckily you'll feel the same way about him. It's just a matter of time, as these things are very unpredictable.

People who end relationships the cowardly way (as in, by cellphone, internet) rock my world :roll: :?

In my specific case, I know that when someone loves me, it's because of who I really am inside, and not for any exterior aspect. I've been able to find a few people who think that way and I'm glad I did. Actually I really like who I am inside, pity about my extremely low self-esteem and self-confidence. I'm basically a guy who's able to love, comprehend and I'm very romantic when it comes to relationships. I also hate seeing other people in pain. I always tend to help other people feeling better when I'm the miserable one :?

Oh well, you'll prove me right the day you find someone like I was talking about, because love does exist, and in a great variety of ways.

There's no guarantee I'll ever find anybody like that though. Especially in Kentucky...obviously pretty much everybody here's about the same. At least everyone I've ever known. There may be a few people like me hiding here somewhere but I may never find them. I honestly don't believe everyone finds somebody. I guess some people are meant to be alone.
I might be ok with people ending relationships over the phone/internet if they would actually END them instead of acting like a moron... but like I said, they usually just ignore me or avoid me without giving a reason for not wanting to talk to me or anything. :? Like the last guy...every time I tried to talk to him online, he'd just leave every time I signed on, or just ignore me.

 

[Scottish_Player]

.

 

[black_mamba]

Should I be ashamed for laughin at that joke? :lol:

Makes sense though doesn't it, a ship full of people you're related to in some way or another; blood, hobbies, lifestyle...

 

[Scottish_Player]

i just deleted it black_mamba i was ashamed of myself for putting it up lol

 

[Yossarian]

Damn I missed the joke!

The last relationship I was in, which was ages ago. Just before they invented the wheel I think....anyway I digress. Yeah I'm usually very insecure/jealous etc - go figure! lol but anyway the last time I thought it would be beneficial for my gf to make some friends so I encouraged her to make friends with this guy.... who in the end she dumped me for. Stupid, stupid me.

 

[Jack7]

Like the last guy...every time I tried to talk to him online, he'd just leave every time I signed on, or just ignore me.

He sounds like an idiot anyway, I wouldn't bother if I were you. Same thing happened to me with a girl I liked. Note the past tense "liked" :wink:

I had an on-off thing with the girl I mentioned that lasted for about three months. She kept telling me she liked me and she enjoyed spending time with me, but she only ever came to see me in the very early morning and was out with her "real" friends all the time and heavily involved in the whole socialising thing at the University we go to. I knew from what people had told me about her that eventually, she would dump me for someone else, probably some totally successful bloke who rowed or was on a Students Union group of some kind that she was involved in, and so I decided to tell her I didn't want to see her anymore because I probably would have killed myself or severely beaten the crap out of the bloke she ended up going out with. I'm still totally depressed about what happened, and it doesn't really help that my only two friends went out with her, and are still on good terms with her, while I erupt into outbursts of uncontrollable raging on inaminate objects whenever I see her out and about, enjoying herself. So I reckon, best out of sight, out of mind.

Cough. I'll shut up now

 

[thugaveli]

The first stages of a relationship takes a while to overcome with the nerves and stuff but once thats dealt with (given time it will be) then you start feeling comfortable with yourself i think its great

In past relationships ive found that actually being in a relationship cures my depression, or just about anyway.
Feeling lonely and insecure is awfull i hate that feeling you just feel so on your own!

Love is a great feeling, feeling secure and knowing someone cares deeply about you.
All the affection and lovey dovey stuff, its great fun and some very strong feelings inside.
Nothing compares....... not in my experience anyway.

I'll say its tough stuff at first but through all the pain of anxiety and anticipation its well worth it!
Providing you and your partner are still together! Lol

 

[KeepTheFaith01]

Love is a great feeling, feeling secure and knowing someone cares deeply about you.
All the affection and lovey dovey stuff, its great fun and some very strong feelings inside.
Nothing compares....... not in my experience anyway

i'll second that, it's just a pitty that the oppurtunities i get for this are few and very far between.

Sorry, i just really felt i had to let it out lol

 

[thugaveli]

.......lol

tell me about it!

I think desperation will print my name in the 'lonely hearts' 8O

 

[nicola_maire]

i agree that you need to examine people, and their behaviours first. if your not the kinda person who likes joke insults, and finds em really offensive, then you dont wanna befriend someone who has thsat type of humour.
i like people who r quite reserved and use their huimour in the right times which amkes it so more funny. and i wouldnt worry. only my bestmate understands me and know's the things i say r jokes. and i fuck up alot with the things i say. for example i ment to say to the cinema woman 'oh is it a ghost or monster things?' insted i said 'ghost or ghoul?' in a wierd voice, pure accident, but she know's that sorta shit is an accident, and i didnt rerally mean to say it, so its funny. other people would be like 'u knob!'.
i also feel the same, i dotn actualy like alot of people...nothing personal but i dont. i guess its coz i have high expectations of myself, i expect them from others too. alot of people i find boring, and alot of people find me boring, but ive got to the pint now where i dont actualy care. i like who i am, and my life, so why let anyone else's opinion change that?

ive just had to ditch someone i didnt examine before befriending them...me n her a just so differnt, she made my life miserabe in my old job. so ive said bye to that bit of my past.

 

[nerdgirl178]

Maybe I should be in a realtionship when I'm on meds. I am more likeable.

 

[mikebird]

I had good friends and enjoyed everything together for years

Each girlfriend ends and walks away. It hurts. The first time made me think it was the end of me. I'm always right.

No friends at work. The closest chance of any friend is always the boss, or three of them.

The employer leaves me in the dirt. I never leave any girl, or employer. Never.