How u feel i relationship with SA if u had any?

[DespairSoul]

Helllo,

I have boyfrend 1 year and couple months and i love him more then anything on the world. Here is this problem i actually love him to much and im dependence on him im afrraid every day that he will leave me alone.
Im only afrraid if he go work and im alone.But now im meaning that he leave me forever alone. With my SA is very hard to hold my relationship coz he is completely diffrent then me: He loves my fear he loves Public and to me is this going on nervess if he go out with out me coz im so much longing break my fear!Im get always very upseting if he should go somewhere and me not.Relation actually make me for one side very sad and somedays very happy but more sad i dont understand that feeling. It is coz i cant do stuff what he can and im closed in my castle of safety home? I dont know if is better end this relation for his own luck coz i always say he will have million times better live woth out me as with me. Maybe im supposed to be whole live alone if make me realtions more sad but i cant imagine lost him. But im so angry on myself on him that he is healthy and me not that he can do stuff and me not. I dont know what to do. You have guys some sugestion? If some have mood to write about his experiences how do you was feeling in relation pls share with me! Thank you guys. Any asnwer is welcoming im really despair about it what to do. And i love him from whole heart so much i cant imagine be with out him and constantly be with him to coz of us diffrences?Coz im propably envy he is healthy and can do stuff and i cant sound to me so embarrasing my own bad feelings![/COLOR

 

[deleted user 1]

In my opinion, forming a relationship that has dependency at its centre is not healthy, or sustaining. What it also does is enable you to be locked in your situation. My last relationship was roughly fifteen months, and was a similar, though I never lived with her. The problems I had with it where that she was more outgoing, I wasn't. I had trouble mixing with her horde of friends. In the end I ended up feeling like I was tagging on, struggling to keep pace just to make her happy. It was too much of a burden, in the end I broke up with her, and that definitely worked out the best. The reason why I have refrained from getting into another relationship is because I believe that you have tto enough as an individual. I don't want to carry extra baggage into it. These are all my opinions based on personal experience, others may disagree and that's ok. There are ways of dealing with your situation without breaking up with your boyfriend, but they have to be pro-active in dealing with your problems.

 

[DespairSoul]

In my opinion, forming a relationship that has dependency at its centre is not healthy, or sustaining. What it also does is enable you to be locked in your situation. My last relationship was roughly fifteen months, and was a similar, though I never lived with her. The problems I had with it where that she was more outgoing, I wasn't. I had trouble mixing with her horde of friends. In the end I ended up feeling like I was tagging on, struggling to keep pace just to make her happy. It was too much of a burden, in the end I broke up with her, and that definitely worked out the best. The reason why I have refrained from getting into another relationship is because I believe that you have tto enough as an individual. I don't want to carry extra baggage into it. These are all my opinions based on personal experience, others may disagree and that's ok. There are ways of dealing with your situation without breaking up with your boyfriend, but they have to be pro-active in dealing with your problems.

Hello Aristocrat,

I appreciate your sharing with me. Thanx. Yes,you are right i know this by myself building relation on dependency isnt healthy but u know what im not healthy::. Thats mean i cant have relationship never coz i build me always dependency on relation is coz of my ****in SA and BDD whatever. I have the same he is very easy outgoing he have a lot of frends (wich doesnt like me and isnt coz of my SA just im not sympatic to then i feel that i cant change that or is just only my sugestion but i dont think so if i act so nervous and like a stupid girl what dont have even little self-esteem and they can feel it) but the truth i dont like them so much isnt sort of people what i will meeting so much coz they see only fun,drinking the most creative and this i dont like so much, i like alkohol but in norm i dont see fun in this that go out is go drinking every week and they do. I think broke with him isnt solving to my situation. I know u say u was feeling better i will to for one side coz i will must no more think what they think about me if he go with them alone and me almost never or if i go im totaly nervous and freeze up. And i relax only if i drink a lot and if drink to much and later i go back on normal level then i get paranoia and start be agressive later home to my bf and complaining all the time that they doesnt likes me. But i think im not so far from true. I dont think so that breaking relation will solving my problems coz i cant imagine my live with out him he is my soulmate but only if we are home and we cant be all the time home. But thats mean im not able to have any relation then?Im affraid be alone and i dont want to be alone sound to me like nightmare. I just dont wanna lose him but i know im destroying him not only myself. Im glad that to you was helping breaking your relation and u feel now better. Thats mean people with us issues cant build propably nice relation? Thats sound really terrible to me. Love is for me everything but i know is unhealthy.With out him i will be even less as im now.

 

[deleted user 1]

Why not set yourself goals in trying to push your boundaries? You don't have to be aone forever, but you can work on trying to get better, push yourself out of your comfort zone from time to time. You'll be surprised what you can do when you really want it. Try to focus on building as much independence as you can.

 

[DespairSoul]

Why not set yourself goals in trying to push your boundaries? You don't have to be aone forever, but you can work on trying to get better, push yourself out of your comfort zone from time to time. You'll be surprised what you can do when you really want it. Try to focus on building as much independence as you can.

Why not?This i ask me every day nice mann from UK, but i cant give me goals if my answer is always is the same: I CANT.
Trying i can thats true but will be again later feedback to my comfort zone as usually. I only play that im independence and later i again start to be. My mom was raising me like im something special and giving to me this monkey love and thats why im so soft by everything. She was puting me everything to my noise and now i must deal with bad world in my eyes. I turn little but i think this have a lot comon with my dependency on people. If i wanna try i must force me to that but i need someone hold my hand by it. How i can do that? Some sugestion maybe?If i hate myself so much first step will be try loving myself?Umm very hard to start love myself if im how im. I dont know im one of giveuping i know im miserable. Thank u anyway and your sugestion is really good. Then your own opinion i should break this relation or what is should?U say i dont have to be alone forever but i will feel like that anyway even if is someone next to me. But little i feel better if i have bf. But is to much complicated.

 

[DespairSoul]

Do you guys know this feeling if you idealize to much your partner?Actually i do this all the time he is the best im nothing. I see his mistakes but anyway i dont. Is so stupid that i act like that but i dont have self-esteem and i think this is the reason. Or i really believe he is so great?I know he isnt. He is nice person but not great as i see him.