how to politely decline invitation?

dottie

Well-known member
i have a friend (really its more like an aquaintance that i hang out with once or twice a year and keep in contact via net- to be specific!) anyway, she invited me to her birthday get together that was supposed to be this weekend and supposed to be a pool party- which i would've been down with. it would've been awkward and uncomfortable but i would've gone to that because it's more casual. well, the weather sucked so she said the new plan was to go to a bar.

i hate bars.

the fact that it was far-ish + i don't really know any of her friends + the fact that i've never enjoyed myself at a noisy bar... well, i didn't go. i feel bad because it's her birthday and i want her to have a great birthday. she invited a ton of people so it's not like she was totally counting on me to come.

what do i say to her? HI BARS MAKE ME FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE I AM A SQUARE FROM EVERY ANGLE. blah. i want to be a good friend but bars just make me cringe.
 

worrywort

Well-known member
I so wish I knew the answer to this one! I hate having to decline peoples invitations. I feel like such a bad person every time I do it.....I think it's about balance. On the one hand you've gotta go at your own pace and if you don't feel comfortable in bars yet then you shouldn't have to go until you're ready, but on the other hand if we never went anywhere with anyone we'd get very lonely very fast.

I think it also depends on how much you value the friendship. If this person means a lot to you then I think the right thing to do would be to just tell her bars make you feel uncomfortable and the reason you didn't go had nothing to do with her. I mean, it's always scary having to open up like that because if she doesn't understand you might start getting a wave of interrogation....but if she does understand you might end up with a much deeper friendship.
 

zofia-life-coach

Active member
You hate bars probably like all other big social events. I think it would be great exercise in overcoming your anxiety to go there even for 30 minutes and than excusing yourself.
All the best.
 

klytus

Well-known member
I am going to decline my school's invitation to the prom-style graduation party and demand my leaving certificate be sent home to me by mail. Kch. How to do it politely? Well, the point is that the inviter will feel hurt in one or another way, no matter how politely you do the declining. Telling the truth often is the right way to do it. Or telling a well-scripted lie. Or not explaining it at all - you seldom owe an explanation to anyone.
 
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market.garden

Well-known member
One thing I always do is never say yes when asked, no matter what the event is. I always say something like "Erm...I might be free for that, but I might be away...I'll let you know"

That way your in a better position to decline once you've thought about it, and if you do turn up, then your friends are happy
 
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