How to make friends / become closer to people?!

[cheeky-g]

making friends at uni

Hi guys
Am new to this! Iv just started back at uni and have found myself alone - as usual. I dont know where I go wrong. Im preety normal looking and laid back and even friendly, but somehow I always have trouble taking it to the 'next level'. Before I know it, everyones walking out of class or whatever and Im left standing alone. I do get paranoid that people think Im desperite for friends, and a lot of the time, I just dont connect with people on more than a surface, classmate type level. Im introverted at the best of times, if I try to join in a converstion, it seems people just ignore me, I find myself feeling like I dont belong there. Its tough, being starved for company, but not being sure how to act on it. Its bothering me a lot.

 

[Waybuloo]

Re: making friends at uni

Hi guys
Am new to this! Iv just started back at uni and have found myself alone - as usual. I dont know where I go wrong. Im preety normal looking and laid back and even friendly, but somehow I always have trouble taking it to the 'next level'. Before I know it, everyones walking out of class or whatever and Im left standing alone. I do get paranoid that people think Im desperite for friends, and a lot of the time, I just dont connect with people on more than a surface, classmate type level. Im introverted at the best of times, if I try to join in a converstion, it seems people just ignore me, I find myself feeling like I dont belong there. Its tough, being starved for company, but not being sure how to act on it. Its bothering me a lot.

Hi Cheeky,

ditto for me, its a wonder with so man people around its hard to establish friendships. How many year have u got left? At least u still have one more year to try. Do u want to join a club? Or take a sport course?

 

[unleashed]

oh i havent posted here for a long time. i just got an email saying someone had replied to my post! i think being interested in people and not too self absorbed is good but not so non-self-absorbed that you appear to have no life. most people are very interesting and complex when you enquire.

 

[Diluted_Acid]

Making friends is really hard! The only way i've made friends really is through hobbies, so i got no friends at school, but then atleast a small amount outside. How to get closer with friends? I could give you my 2 cents. Usually for me, complimenting, listening, and sharing personal things usually lets others get closer to me . . . . i probably abuse those tactics though , but it's always good to open up to other friends, even if your a guy! The other day i was out playing sport with one friend, tell you the truth i never really ever talked to him full on or anythin. I started running through my problems with him, and then he began running through his. It was great because you realise people understand alot more then you think quite often, and can somewhat relate.

 

[thequietone]

Im preety normal looking and laid back and even friendly, but somehow I always have trouble taking it to the 'next level'. Before I know it, everyones walking out of class or whatever and Im left standing alone. I do get paranoid that people think Im desperite for friends, and a lot of the time, I just dont connect with people on more than a surface, classmate type level.

This is so true for me. I see it happen every time I start talking to someone new at school, there is always a point where something inside me says, "okay, time to back off now, let's turn tail and get out of here." :?

I have such a hard time being close to people other than on a superficial level. I had one close friend my whole life, and when we started to grow apart, it was so painful, and there was always this wall between us, there was always so much she didn't understand about my mental problems. The gap just grew. She was outgoing and I was not. We were completely different people.

I guess I figure being close to your friends just creates more problems and that's one thing I don't need anymore of!

 

[mute]

same boat with me...never made a single true friend at uni. I just cannot seem to relate to anyone. sure, there was acquantices that i did projects and assignments with, but these links where quickly lost once the work was over.
now iam more lonely than ever. the fact that my embarrassement for not having friends is preventing me making new friends is even worse. its like a cycle. i even make imaginary friends so i can pretend i go out on weekends when inevitable "what did you do on the weekend?" comes up on Mondays at work.

I completely identify with this! I moved towns to go to uni, so I moved to a city where I knew no-one. To top it off, the culture in this city is pretty insular, and I have heard from several people the observation that it's hard to make friends here.

I also make up friends so that my boss doesn't know that I have none at all. I'm thinking about leaving this town so that I can start over again (again, again, again).

 

[shipost]

The main problem is change, I could easily go back to how I was when I was in high school. But thats just not me, and most people now have changed to. I know how to socialise with 14year olds but not my own age, how sad is that lol.

 

[MrSquid]

I know how you feel shipost, have only really a few friends I have known since high school and I always hear about all these kewl things that they have done. One of them went to Japan recently, and sort of makes me feel really inferior for not having done anything fun with my life. Always feel like everyone around me is doing all these amazing things and I'm still at the same stage I was in high school.

 

[thirtysomethin]

I was actually pretty good at Uni, and in the jobs ive had at being with people, but now that ive isolated myself more...im finding it increasingly difficult. Uni can be pretty daunting..especially in the first three or four months when your still checking it all out.