How to help a corker with social phobia

cadiza

New member
I have a worked with a woman for 7 years, and clearly her life is negatively effected by her phobia of social settings. She has confided in me that she has lost friends and alienated family members by turning down every invitation that comes her way.

This also effects her profesionally.. As the BIG boss has commented several time to me that Jane(not her real name) isn't much of a team player, because she never makes an efffort to come to work events.. ( Mostly parties, but also conferences and symposiums) He doesn't buy the phobia expalnation(I am actaully shocked at how many people in her life deny that a phobia is the source of her reclusive behavior and choose instead to be angry with her)!!

There have been a few work events that she genuinely wanted to attend, agreed to go, and then at the last minute her anxiety causes her to bow out.

I love her dearly. She is goood people. And we maintain an after hours friendship by talking on the phone--often. She has two people that she feels comfortable at work.. me and another woman who is retiring soon. I suggested to Jane that maybye just the three of us could go out to celebrate the other woman's retirement.. i would drive.. we would pick somewhere quiet.. and none of the people from work who make her uncomfortable or who she feels judged by would be there!!! Jane said she would absoulutely love to do this.. but doubts she will be able to go through with it.

So here is my question to all of you you live with this hell. How do I , a person who does not have such anxieties, best support her? Also about the retirement party for 3... should I let it drop.. or should I push?

I should add that she is very resistant to the idea of therapy.. I suppose she will go when she is ready.
 

Odo

Banned
Even though I don't know what she does, I find it pretty amazing that she hasn't been fired because of it... I was recently fired because I didn't participate in things and it meant that everyone else didn't like me, so I got voted off the island despite my job performance.

It's nice that you want to help, but it's not really your problem. I'm also not someone who is big on accommodating other people's issues and for that reason I really can't expect them to accommodate mine... and I'm sure that she doesn't want special consideration because that would make her feel disabled or something, and people still have their pride.

If you're a good friend who cares, that's pretty important to anyone, I think... if she wants to get help then you should support her in that but it's not something that you can force someone to do.
 

mismeek

Well-known member
Try doing something at someones house.. buy or make dinner, bring drinks etc. It might be a bit easier for her. I know it is for me. :) Youre a good friend!
 

cadiza

New member
Try doing something at someones house.. buy or make dinner, bring drinks etc. It might be a bit easier for her. I know it is for me. :) !

Thanks , i think this is a good idea! Ill give it a whirl... Besides i have a gardeni think she might find relaxing
 
Top