This occasionally happens to me
It's never a sad moment
It's when certain difficult events pile up and compound
The root of crying is when I foresee and predict the consequences
when I know I'll be absolutely alone in my suffering
I cry real sodium chloride tears and laugh at it with personal applause and deep smiles
something touches a nerve. I find the inner stamina and I'm always well-prepared for bad things.
I think the true origin was at very young age I had the glossed-over confidence to impress people. I was very slightly aware of my weaknesses which I was lucky
never to get criticised for. I knew it
I started with more than average normalness and acceptance from others. I was a magic self-diagnosis I just didn't think of. I progressed to an OK life. It took a while to recognise the way everybody began deserting and turning their backs on me. Months in hospital at school did firm my esteem muscles.
Desperation of loneliness has made me laugh at myself.

erfect: it's my biggest stronghold lookout. Loneliness does provide something a bit wholesome. The perception of progression or gain is unrealistic. I cling onto one thing - a star shining from inside, which I understand than normal people don't have a smidgen of appreciation. I am unique in my opinions and attitude, and so is everyone. But there's a different level between everyone
My encounter with simple plankton people yesterday has stirred my afterthoughts, while I held tight in my demeanour and didn't turn any desks upside-down. I learn. It's important. It drives me. I won't meet them again. That makes 'em very lucky indeed. :sarcastic: