losttroy
Well-known member
What does it mean to be secure? Of course, you can attribute the term to having good locks on your doors. Or secure is being allright with your bf having a female friend. But I am actually talking about being secure with having a relationship at all.
Someone made a thread here before titled: Can you live without a Partner? My answer is no, personally. I like having a best friend who I can also love the way men & women do. But am I secure in the fact that she will always be there for me? Of course not! I can't read minds. I can never be fully certain, no more than I can utterly assure myself those locks won't always keep some scumbag out. So how do I sleep at night?
Well, let's look at a few life choices, here.
Option #1:
Most of you have seen Ironman, right? You know they made Tony Stark to be this loner dude who sleeps with anything, having his fun with them, before disappearing into his basement. He NEVER gets involved with these people. Pepper Potts was the exception in Tony's case. Now, is Pepper going to be good for Mr. Man? Here's why, at least in Tony's case, the answer is no:
Tony no longer has his heart shielded. Before, with his prior women, he used them for what he wanted them for, and jetted. No love ever happened. THAT"S exactly why he did this, too! Tony did not want to love. Love, like it is to so many others, has been a destructor, rather than a developer in the man's life.(Whispers: I know he's not real. Just a great example to use here.FYI)
So, he has always avoided it.
If you can hate love enough to disregard it, then follow Tony and you will be secure in your life's relationships.
Option #2:
What do you say when the Crows win the grand, and you aren't really a footie fan? Say it with me now....I DON'T CARE.:: This attitude is the next way to be secure in any relationship. We all want relationships we start up with people to work. But what happens if you go in with the "I don't care" tude?
For whatever reason, if this person chooses to no longer be with me, I will not care because that person may as well be that crappy milk distributor I used to have for my grocery store!! That is a type of relationship too, where each party expects something specific from the other. When it fails, it's time to find one that will do the job right for you. No problem, hey?
This is very nice, and you won't EVER feel bad if someone dumps you then. But your partner isn't a milk distributor, are they? You won't sit around after that milk deal fails, pondering over how prompt they were with their shipments, no matter if it was all clobbered! No, you won't frickin care about something like that. So, there you go.
If you can somehow figure out how to NOT care if your partner goes away, then you'll be secure in your life's relationships.
Option #3:
I DO care, though! I DO want to have love in my heart as well as my life!! I don't want to be some dismal who never sees any color in the world! How then can I sleep at night knowing my partner might find someone better than me, and leave me?? It may be the hardest thing you ever do: You have to somehow believe they won't.::
People can change sometimes. Love tanks can run dry, people forget why they fall in love. These things happen all the time. So all we can ever do is trust that we are doing the best we can for those we love. We do have some control over the situation, people!! We can write our love poetry. Wine & dine them for 50 years! We can find out what our partner's love language is and SPEAK IT! We can show them with EVERYTHING WE HAVE INSIDE US, that we are the right one for them! That's what "we" can do. That is ALL we can do! If they reciprocate, start planning that 60 year anniversary now, because it IS coming someday. And if they don't, they just did us a favor! We now possess the doubtless knowledge our search isn't over.
If we want love, then we mussent run from it. We must never NOT care. And security--like some say about "true love"--MAY BE just a fantasy. But always believing it is, will keep it that way.
Someone made a thread here before titled: Can you live without a Partner? My answer is no, personally. I like having a best friend who I can also love the way men & women do. But am I secure in the fact that she will always be there for me? Of course not! I can't read minds. I can never be fully certain, no more than I can utterly assure myself those locks won't always keep some scumbag out. So how do I sleep at night?
Well, let's look at a few life choices, here.
Option #1:
Most of you have seen Ironman, right? You know they made Tony Stark to be this loner dude who sleeps with anything, having his fun with them, before disappearing into his basement. He NEVER gets involved with these people. Pepper Potts was the exception in Tony's case. Now, is Pepper going to be good for Mr. Man? Here's why, at least in Tony's case, the answer is no:
Tony no longer has his heart shielded. Before, with his prior women, he used them for what he wanted them for, and jetted. No love ever happened. THAT"S exactly why he did this, too! Tony did not want to love. Love, like it is to so many others, has been a destructor, rather than a developer in the man's life.(Whispers: I know he's not real. Just a great example to use here.FYI)
So, he has always avoided it.If you can hate love enough to disregard it, then follow Tony and you will be secure in your life's relationships.
Option #2:
What do you say when the Crows win the grand, and you aren't really a footie fan? Say it with me now....I DON'T CARE.:
: This attitude is the next way to be secure in any relationship. We all want relationships we start up with people to work. But what happens if you go in with the "I don't care" tude? For whatever reason, if this person chooses to no longer be with me, I will not care because that person may as well be that crappy milk distributor I used to have for my grocery store!! That is a type of relationship too, where each party expects something specific from the other. When it fails, it's time to find one that will do the job right for you. No problem, hey?
This is very nice, and you won't EVER feel bad if someone dumps you then. But your partner isn't a milk distributor, are they? You won't sit around after that milk deal fails, pondering over how prompt they were with their shipments, no matter if it was all clobbered! No, you won't frickin care about something like that. So, there you go.
If you can somehow figure out how to NOT care if your partner goes away, then you'll be secure in your life's relationships.
Option #3:
I DO care, though! I DO want to have love in my heart as well as my life!! I don't want to be some dismal who never sees any color in the world! How then can I sleep at night knowing my partner might find someone better than me, and leave me?? It may be the hardest thing you ever do: You have to somehow believe they won't.:
:People can change sometimes. Love tanks can run dry, people forget why they fall in love. These things happen all the time. So all we can ever do is trust that we are doing the best we can for those we love. We do have some control over the situation, people!! We can write our love poetry. Wine & dine them for 50 years! We can find out what our partner's love language is and SPEAK IT! We can show them with EVERYTHING WE HAVE INSIDE US, that we are the right one for them! That's what "we" can do. That is ALL we can do! If they reciprocate, start planning that 60 year anniversary now, because it IS coming someday. And if they don't, they just did us a favor! We now possess the doubtless knowledge our search isn't over.
If we want love, then we mussent run from it. We must never NOT care. And security--like some say about "true love"--MAY BE just a fantasy. But always believing it is, will keep it that way.
