How good are your social skills?

[LonelyLeaf]

I'm relatively ok with my family, but when it comes to strangers or people I know only superficially my social skills break down...

 

[freestylemonster]

Same...I just can never think of anything to say. Luckily I'm training myself and getting a bit better

 

[Day_Tripper]

They're okay, I'm just not quick enough to think of anything meaningful to say.

 

[Some_guy]

they're good i believe

only thing sometimes blocking me is anxiety

 

[marciaX3]

the only person i can 100% comfortably talk to in person or on the phone is my boyfriend and my mom. everyone else, regardless of how i know them or how long, will get a rambling, jumbled speech, nervous-nelly me. they'll be incredibly lucky if they get any eye contact from me too. and every single one of those interactions will be overanalyzed and obsessed about for months/years to come by me.

 

[hartbrokenvirgo]

i think my social skills are ok,but below average most of the time i need to warm up to the person or people then i let go and get comfortable

 

[JonnyD]

i'm overgentle and a social liar , i'll never make anything to anyone, so i basically don't exist, i'm inert.

people often say that i'm quiet and kind, the truth is that i don't live because i fear being a stone in other peoples shoe, everytime , everywhere.

It's some kind of self protection mechanism. but it leads to never making anything on my life because i ever find a path where what i do will hurt somebodys feeling.

so i might say that i have "too much" social skills, or i don't have any skill at all.

 

[Psychedelicious]

Social skills? I don't have those, at all. If I wasn't so anxious, I would still have no idea at all to act socially. So my social skills are pretty much non-existant.

 

[PhantomPod]

I converse pretty well with my family members.

However, with others (especially coworkers) my social skills are definitely lacking. I cannot start a conversation to save my life. Even when someone else starts a convo with me, I can barely keep it going.

 

[morningstar]

I talk to my family and my husband, but anyone else gets short answers. My coworkers tell me constantly that I am too quiet, and it just makes me more aware and nervous. So they just give up and so do I. Grr...

 

[Walk]

Social skills? I don't have those, at all. If I wasn't so anxious, I would still have no idea at all to act socially. So my social skills are pretty much non-existant.

Then learn some.

 

[Psychedelicious]

Social skills? I don't have those, at all. If I wasn't so anxious, I would still have no idea at all to act socially. So my social skills are pretty much non-existant.

Then learn some.

Oh yeah, I am totally gonna learn some just like that! I have all the perfect opportunities to learn them too. Since it's so easy, why don't you teach me how?

 

[Dodger]

Mine is horrible especially with girls.

 

[Sad-Kitten]

Yeah i don't have much in the way of social skills either. I can talk to people if they talk/ask me something but that's about it.

 

[Walk]

Social skills? I don't have those, at all. If I wasn't so anxious, I would still have no idea at all to act socially. So my social skills are pretty much non-existant.

Then learn some.

Oh yeah, I am totally gonna learn some just like that! I have all the perfect opportunities to learn them too. Since it's so easy, why don't you teach me how?

I'll just go with what I've done so far in life. I'm much more open to people now than before.

1) Talk to anyone who's sitting next to you if possible, in any situation where talking is allowed. Could be school, work, doesn't matter.

2) Remember people's names.

3) Go to the movies more often if possible. This is good because it lessens the anxiety of being out of your house, especially if it's done regularly; after you get used to that, you'll want to go to other places of interest that are outdoors, like museums, concerts, etc.; and, lastly, it gives you something to talk about with people who you meet later on, such as in school.

4) Go to school, like community college. Plan to transfer to a university, it'll keep you going in life. Takes two years to transfer to a university. You'll likely not regret it even if you don't make friends.

5) Go find a hobby, especially one that involves other people. I'm going to do BJJ. A lot of girls do it nowadays too. I've done Judo/BJJ in the past, which is similar. It's fun. I'm going to do it again this year. It's about 120/month.

6) Find a job. If you want an office job, learn Word and Excel and turn in applications through monster.com

7) Don't have such a defeatist mentality.

And just to emphasize #1, I'll repeat it: DON'T stay silent for too long in social situations, like a class room. Talk as soon as you feel comfortable because sooner is better in this situation.

 

[Walk]

And I didn't say it was easy.

It won't be, guaranteed. I'm still working on it. But the thing is, you have to work on things like this; you can't let them consume your life.

 

[ljwwriter]

I'm just not a sociable person. I've accepted this about myself. I never wanted to be a social butterfly, though. Most people's "social skills" seem generally fake to me anyway. It's like they're putting on an act on a stage when they're around people and I just find that too tiring to bother with except on special occasions.

 

[ripewithdecay]

I think my social skills have improved since I started doing self-help CBT, if even just a bit. Enough so that people's reactions and patterns tend to change towards me.

3 things I have been doing differently:
a) making eye contact when talking or listening
b) being the first to initiate a conversation (about half the time)
c) busting people's balls (after getting past small talk)

i tried all of this at my newest workplace and people seemed to be much more interested and respectful of me, instead of thinking that i was just too stuck up and quiet to bother talking to.
This lead to me getting invites to go out to bars and whatnot with coworkers, which leads to the other thing i've been doing differently.....

Not saying NO to invitations!
Just going out with people and being present at a bar for a drink has made people warm up to me rapidly, i don't know what it is, im not the life of the party even or anything like that... ppl just seem to appreciate it more. cause getting to know ppl takes a little effort on your part as it does for them.

another thing i changed about the way i think is about awkward silences...
ive learned that they're ok and just a natural occurance between two people. no need to get paranoid, laugh it off. nobody's judging you. so i think about somethin else and just walk away or just carry on doin whatever i was doin, its no big deal.

 

[Walk]

ripewithdecay, that's some good stuff you've mentioned.

Never say no invitations. I've been there! :roll:

 

[Walk]

I'm just not a sociable person. I've accepted this about myself. I never wanted to be a social butterfly, though. Most people's "social skills" seem generally fake to me anyway. It's like they're putting on an act on a stage when they're around people and I just find that too tiring to bother with except on special occasions.

Yeah, but usually, chill people don't need to put on an act. You're right though, some people do put acts on, but it's usually the kind of people you'd want to avoid.

HOWEVER, I highly suggest to fake it a LITTLE in order to get things going.

You've mentioned you're a writer. Well, I'm sure there's a few people who are into books and literature just like you, it's just finding them can be tricky.

Gotta go out more. It's the mantra that's always on a lot of people's mind but they just find excuses not to do. I def need to go out more often. I think I'm going out to see a movie this weekend actually.