How do you know that what you really have is S.A?

[Flyingheart]

Because I've never really been sure what was the matter with me. Before I was 13 everything was fine. I was friendly quite enthusiastic in my studies, albeit shy but I could strike up a conversation with people. Then BAM, for no reason I can pinpoint (and believe me, I've been through everything) I suddenly can't speak to people without huge difficulty, I look in the mirror and suddenly don't know who I am, I question myself over and over and I become so depressed. I'm scared I'm going crazy. This has only built up over the years.

I constantly wonder what happened to the cheerful, shy, friendly girl who had so much life in her. I want to be her again, but I don't know how.

I suppose what I'm trying to say is, for me personally, when I started to 'change' I was and still am so confused.
I KNEW I found it difficult to talk to people all of a sudden, but there was no distinct, CLEAR reason. I refuse to listen to what my psychiatrist said about there having no need to be a reason, that some things occur due to a number of possible factors in our past life and present. With all of my counsellors, they pretty much told me to get over the fact that I'm like this, to accept it and try to get better, but for me I cannot get any better without knowing the reason why...except there is no reason I can think of. It seems to be a cycle I neither want or can get out of.

I've spoken to a number of people who have SA, all who have self-diagnosed themselves like me. A lot of them seem to readily accept that that's what they have, there's some who aren't sure why they have SA either but they still accept it. Then there's a few who also don't have a clue what's wrong with them.
There's a part of me that believes I have SA; I can't talk to people easily, I match the symptoms so that must be it. So why can't I fully accept it??

I keep thinking that I "should" be normal, but I'm not. I feel like I've turned into a freak of nature or something then I feel guilty for thinking that. I feel completely stuck.
Sorry if none of that made sense and for rambling quite a bit...I just feel so inhuman ::

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

I feel inhuman much of the time as well.
I think most of us feel lost or like we don't know who we are...
The best thing we can do for ourselves is continue to search out the answers- find things we like to do and make ourselves happy; be comfortable with however we are.
I think most humans feel lost at some point in their lives but that's just a part of the experience of living, I guess.

You don't have to accept if you are 'socially anxious'- it's just a label and honestly, labels aren't the issue... it's just how you feel.
If you don't want to accept it then don't; but you know what your 'problem' is and you know you want to find yourself, so you should focus on that instead of struggling with your identity and with labels.

 

[MrJones]

Easy: I don't know.

And to be honest, I don't care.

This is me, and I know I behave and I feel in a certain way, and now I know other people are similar.

I thought I was an unnatural freak until I found this site, and in the months I've been here I still don't know if this is me, I don't know if I could or even should fit in here.

But I don't care, because now I understand more things than I knew before.

Just to know I'm not alone...

 

[IGotSeoul]

I feel anxiety mostly related to things social.

I try to convince myself that I simply do not take interest in social events, and while it may be partly true, I know for a fact that I'm afraid.

 

[Flyingheart]

Thank you for all your answers. They made me feel a bit better. I'm not really sure why I'm so obsessed with knowing what exactly I have.

Maybe you're right about it just being labels. Maybe this is simply how I feel and that's that.
I think maybe it's hard for me to come to terms with my feelings as I've never felt such strong and negative emotions before. I've never thought so deeply before. Anyways, I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels this way.