How do people make big groups of friends?

WishingICould

Well-known member
For example, when you see on Facebook, profile pictures of girls with about 10 friends or at a party or whatever. I've also heard people saying "oh, we're only inviting 80-100 people to our wedding". ONLY?! How the f does anyone know that many people?

I feel like such a freak/alien. It's like everyone else is in on this big secret about how to make friends/get people to like you and i don't know what it is. I know my awkwardness and the fact that (apparently) i don't smile enough makes it harder for me but i've met people who aren't exactly special yet they have friends.

I wear nice clothes, make up, look after my hair etc I try and "fit in" but no matter how hard i try if someone speaks to me i'll either be really awkward and say something stupid or my mind will go blank. I really think i must have been born by mistake because i sure as hell don't belong.
 

coyote

Well-known member
perhaps you are too discriminating

why not consider everyone you know that doesn't want to kill you outright a "friend?"

or even if they do, but you can tolerate being in the same room with them if it means you'll look like the better person for it?
 

vj288

not actually Fiona Apple
"oh, we're only inviting 80-100 people to our wedding". ONLY?! How the f does anyone know that many people?

Yeah, I think about that two and I have a hard time thinking about even 50 people, and that seems like a lot to me! But I have a small family, all my aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents (and immediate family) totals up to 17 people. I think a lot of weddings, I say I think because I've never been, consist up largely of family and extended family. And then after that, there are a bunch of co-workers to invite, people they met through school (high school, college, ect) and just anywhere else they could know people. And give all those people a "+1" and that number can get really big. (The more people you invite the more presents you get :bigsmile:)
 

coyote

Well-known member
you "know" people by allowing them to get close enough to you that you can use the word "friend" to describe them

i'm sure if you've encountered more than just a few people in your life

how many of them have you kept at a distance?

why?
 

Hellhound

Super Moderator
I don't think you'd go partying or on holiday with people who aren't your friends.

"Friend" is a superficial word in the "normal" world. People call anyone they talk to a "friend"

Can somebody have 100 acquaintances? Maybe. 100 friends? Never.
 

WishingICould

Well-known member
you "know" people by allowing them to get close enough to you that you can use the word "friend" to describe them

i'm sure if you've encountered more than just a few people in your life

how many of them have you kept at a distance?

why?

I haven't kept people at a distance. They're just not interested in me so i've stopped bothering.
 

coyote

Well-known member
there were 400 invitations sent out to my first wedding

my (ex)wife had a large extended family, and they all had a lot of friends

my extended family was also pretty large, but not too many connections beyond that

it was a small town - lots of people know each other - it was a big social event for her and her and her parents and family

the good thing was that that the gift registry was pretty nearly filled out :thumbup:
 

ImNotMyIllness

Well-known member
For someone relatively social, it's a lot easier than you think to invite close to a hundred people. You have to remember, family ( + plus their significant others), coworkers(+ their significant others) and then (literally) anyone you barely know or were friends with (+ their significant other). If you went to a Fraternity/Sorority in college, you already have 30+ people.

Forget about making a lot of friends that really will never be there for you when you need them. One or a few close friends (+ a handful "lite" friends, coworkers etc) is all you really need.

Why don't you meet with someone people from this forum? There are a lot of people here who need friends too. I think you've just found your answer. Also, join clubs and try to meet people that way. (i.e reading, cooking, sports, etc).
 

WishingICould

Well-known member
For someone relatively social, it's a lot easier than you think to invite close to a hundred people. You have to remember, family ( + plus their significant others), coworkers(+ their significant others) and then (literally) anyone you barely know or were friends with (+ their significant other). If you went to a Fraternity/Sorority in college, you already have 30+ people.

Forget about making a lot of friends that really will never be there for you when you need them. One or a few close friends (+ a handful "lite" friends, coworkers etc) is all you really need.

Why don't you meet with someone people from this forum? There are a lot of people here who need friends too. I think you've just found your answer. Also, join clubs and try to meet people that way. (i.e reading, cooking, sports, etc).

No, i haven't found my answer. Like i said, forget the comment about weddings. What about the other things i said? People who have 10 plus friends who they go out with etc
 

vj288

not actually Fiona Apple
Why don't you meet with someone people from this forum? There are a lot of people here who need friends too.

Well, as appealing as that sounds, I think most people on the forum don't live anywhere near anyone else on the forum. And even if there are I think being a social anxiety web site many people would have a hard time meeting even if they lived near other members.
 

coyote

Well-known member
Well, as appealing as that sounds, I think most people on the forum don't live anywhere near anyone else on the forum. And even if there are I think being a social anxiety web site many people would have a hard time meeting even if they lived near other members.

yes, but everyone has an open invitation to visit me in North East Wisconsin

:thumbup:
 

ForeverTheWeirdKid

Well-known member
Ever heard someone say "hey! me and a friend are going to go grab some ice cream, what to tag along? that's how people become big groups of friends. Friends introduce a friend to a friend. It's a cycle.
 

ImNotMyIllness

Well-known member
People who go out with ten plus people are very social. If you're not very social adept, don't expect to go out with ten plus people.

If you want a lot of friends, then you need to start meeting people. If you're unable to do that well enough to form a friendship, then therapy could help you with that.
 

coyote

Well-known member
Ever heard someone say "hey! me and a friend are going to go grab some ice cream, what to tag along? that's how people become big groups of friends. Friends introduce a friend to a friend. It's a cycle.

yeah, you just have to be open to the possibililty

don't be so quick to say "no, I have to wash my guinea pig" or whatever

go along, join up, participate, relax, etc....
 
Top