I have had social anxiety for many years. Middle school and High school years were torture. I was so quiet that I was voted most quiet in my middle school class. I was terrified of talking to people and being laughed at or ridiculed. I was afraid of people judging me. I had one close friend in high school and that was it and we have drifted apart over the years and gone our separate ways. I am older now and though I can leave the house, go grocery shopping, hold down a job, I cannot seem to break the barrier of a friendly small talk-like conversation with others. I think my anxiety has gotten better but I still have no close friends and I am very lonely. I have thought about suicide a lot because my job really sucks and I have no support system. Well, I do have a cousin I am close to and an aunt and, of course, my mother.....but that is it. I desperately want to have a connection with other people and go out on the weekends and go to movies, go out for a drink, go hiking, camping, and other fun things that friends do together. Instead, I sit at home wondering when I am going to have the courage to end my life because I find that prospect more likely than making friends. I don't know how to talk to people or what to say to people. I can't initiate conversations and when I do I can't sustain them. I am very boring and have nothing interesting to say. I can't maintain eye contact with people because I get intimidated. I am really a mess! I grew up in an abusive, alcoholic home with a father who was very emotionally abusive and threatening. It was very hard and I still have contact with this person because my mother is still married to him. I often wonder if that's the root of my problem. You would think I'd get over by now but I can't kick this. My question to you good people out there is......how do you make friends? It seems so simple but for me it is complex and daunting. I am not talkative, I live inside my head a lot, I don't have good social skills and don't know how to acquire them, I am awkward and weird. I don't have a lot in common with most people. I don't know what to talk about with people. Sometimes I can't get past "Hi" or "How are you." I often wait for people to approach me and I want to be able to approach others but I'm afraid and I just feel so awkward and uncomfortable. What has worked for people with this condition? How did you make friends? What if you can't find anything you have in common with others? I would appreciate your help as I am at the end of my rope here and I feel lonely, sad, and empty.
How do I talk to people and make friends?
- Thread starter Ineedhope
- Start date
Lavinialuna
Well-known member
I would start online and try to make some online friends with similar interests. That seems like the perfect scenario because you have time to think about what you really want to say without having to look someone in the eye.
My daughter is really shy and wants to make new friends and I keep telling her to go where people hang out (she is 20). Like a coffee shop, sit and read a book or bring your lap top. After awhile people will see you as a fixture and maybe strike up a conversation. I told her that even if she was too shy to initiate, just being there is half the battle. There are plenty of extroverted people out there that will eventually notice you and start a conversation. I know this would probably be really hard for most people with social anxiety, but if you are desperate enough to try to change your life (better than committing suicide) then it's worth the risk. It might take time, but it might pay off.
Also, positive self talk might help. Tell yourself all the things you needed to hear when you were a kid that you didn't hear, that you are important, you are safe, you are wonderful. Hope that helped a little.
My daughter is really shy and wants to make new friends and I keep telling her to go where people hang out (she is 20). Like a coffee shop, sit and read a book or bring your lap top. After awhile people will see you as a fixture and maybe strike up a conversation. I told her that even if she was too shy to initiate, just being there is half the battle. There are plenty of extroverted people out there that will eventually notice you and start a conversation. I know this would probably be really hard for most people with social anxiety, but if you are desperate enough to try to change your life (better than committing suicide) then it's worth the risk. It might take time, but it might pay off.
Also, positive self talk might help. Tell yourself all the things you needed to hear when you were a kid that you didn't hear, that you are important, you are safe, you are wonderful. Hope that helped a little.
Thanks for your responses. I will take your advice about finding online friends with similar interests and chatting people up there. However, I really want to meet real people in person. I suppose Rome wasn't built in a day though. My social anxiety gets so bad that going somewhere where people hang out by myself will lead to paranoid thoughts that everyone is looking at me and laughing at me. I know it's sick but I can't keep to shake it.
