How do I keep friends when I'm avoidant?

WishingICould

Well-known member
#21
I've lost a few friends because they thought i didn't make enough effort and wasn't interested when in reality i was terrified of contacting them in-case they thought i was annoying or they rejected me.
 

bsammy

Well-known member
#22
I also feel I don't have that (I think) natural urge of 'oh I need to contact him/her again!'. When I have it it's out of guilt, cause I usually just forget. It's not in me.
this is my problem, i dont have or feel the natural urge to reach out to someone unless there is a good reason for it..example, something big is coming up or something happened to a friend etc etc..i see no need in calling friends up to make small talk as i hate small talk..im very introverted which only makes matters worse..
 

Sacrament

Well-known member
#23
My friends know. They know that when I "can't" go with them somewhere, it's not because I don't like them. They understand and they agree to go to certain places where I feel more comfortable and not as "trapped", but it still weighs on you because you wish it were better. The only way to improve on that is what you said, step out of that comfort zone and just keep going.
 

Deco

Well-known member
#24
Better keep any friends as much as you can. At least the closest ones. Specially when you hit 30s after a hermit time. If I knew what I was doing in 2011 my social life would be not as bad as it is now. Now I have almost zero friends, but I used to have dozens. I stayed away from them for 4 years, and now, not even Facebook worked when trying to hang out again. No one cares or comments about almost anything I post or is interested in seeing me again. It's hard to believe, but I even helped some of them start their own busineses and offered support during hard times. I really want people to avoid reaching this point. Negative thoughts can really ruin your social life. Now I have to restart my social life all over again.
 

jayfan

Well-known member
#25
I dont care for people and have been told i very jaded outlook on life by people close to me.
Ive never been able to make friends. All the people i hung out with when i was younger were my brothers friends.

i do play lots of basketball and have alot of acquaintances that i play with but no interaction outside of basketball other then texting about what time we are going to meet up . Never had guy friends. Only girlfriends but never platonic. How i made those friendships? They just sort of fell in my lap and came on to me why i have no idea I'm an ugly dude. My last girlfriend i never called her . avoided it . would text her and only if she would text me first. i broke up with her because she asked me why i hadnt texted her in over a week. Told her i don't like feeling pressured to text or look for people who dont look for me so goodbye.
 
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