Hello Everyone,
I am new to this forum and need advice on how to deal with a bully. In college, my roommate , in a span of 3 weeks, made my life a living hell.
Week 1: I was yelled at when I refused politely to obey her orders for something, this happened on the second day of moving in. I ended up crying in front of her(there were others too) but apologized the next day to maintain peace.She also tried instigating me against our other housemate but I did not respond.Other than the yelling and instigating, she was very friendly and we got along well.
Week 2: We were in the same class as well and she was super insecure that I would perform better than her.Once classes started she went crazy.she would walk up to me while I was studying and minding my own business and ask me a couple of questions.when I was unable to answer she would belittle and put me down with her comments and walk off.This happened on 2 occasions. She also started listening to my phone conversations and monitoring my movement in the house. Every time I would be doing something like writing, reading she would be like "what are u reading? which book is that? which chapter are u in?" . every time I bought groceries or received a package, she would go over it and ask me how much I spent etc and then of course put me down again.She would also ask deeply personal questions at times that shocked me for a sec and frequently indulged in double standards.
week 3: I was yelled at on 2 more occasions in front of others which disturbed me greatly but I still kept adjusting god knows why. I was again belittled on 2 more occasions which really made me furious.I couldn't take it anymore. College was super intense, I was 10,000 miles away from my family in a foreign country and our course was notorious for failing students. I was super stressed out, very insecure about my performance and on top of that had to deal with her putting me down all the time. I had to vent in my journal to maintain my sanity. I scribbled something about her in my journal and immediately calmed down. she noticed me writing and as usual asked me "what are u writing ?". I was dumb enough to reply that it was my diary.she was like "oh ok,no one will read it here, u can enjoy your privacy".Then, when I was out, she took out of my suitcase(it was hidden in my suitcase which was inside my closet) and read it.turns out I had referred to her as a fat pig.
All hell broke loose.she showed my diary to her boyfriend and a few others. she barked at me " If u don't like me , then why are u being nice to me".she made up a story of how a cockroach entered my closet and she was worried about my belongings and made a mess to drive out the cockroach and that's how the diary fell out!!!She also said that all the belittling comments she made at me were for my own well being. she went around calling me a dangerous psycho and started pity playing with classmates to gain support and turn everyone against me.but turns out she had misbehaved with others as well and people refused to support her. I did apologize to her for calling her such a mean name and to that she responded like as if she is a selfless martyr and I am this evil person.
I was traumatized and mortified by the fact that someone like her knew my deepest, personal thoughts.If I hadn't written something nasty about her I would have probably stood up for myself. My health and grades failed miserably after that. I felt very guilty for calling her a mean name( even though I wrote that out of anger and did not mean it at all) in my journal and making her cry for the same .she made me the bully and moved on with no remorse,guilt or shame.she finally got what she wanted, me performing badly and being humiliated in class for non performance.
1.How do I forgive myself for hurting another human being even though it was completely unintentional.Note: This is the first time I am hurting someone in my life , it is usually the other way around.
2.How do I get my power back and start living my life the way I used to do before meeting this person.
I am new to this forum and need advice on how to deal with a bully. In college, my roommate , in a span of 3 weeks, made my life a living hell.
Week 1: I was yelled at when I refused politely to obey her orders for something, this happened on the second day of moving in. I ended up crying in front of her(there were others too) but apologized the next day to maintain peace.She also tried instigating me against our other housemate but I did not respond.Other than the yelling and instigating, she was very friendly and we got along well.
Week 2: We were in the same class as well and she was super insecure that I would perform better than her.Once classes started she went crazy.she would walk up to me while I was studying and minding my own business and ask me a couple of questions.when I was unable to answer she would belittle and put me down with her comments and walk off.This happened on 2 occasions. She also started listening to my phone conversations and monitoring my movement in the house. Every time I would be doing something like writing, reading she would be like "what are u reading? which book is that? which chapter are u in?" . every time I bought groceries or received a package, she would go over it and ask me how much I spent etc and then of course put me down again.She would also ask deeply personal questions at times that shocked me for a sec and frequently indulged in double standards.
week 3: I was yelled at on 2 more occasions in front of others which disturbed me greatly but I still kept adjusting god knows why. I was again belittled on 2 more occasions which really made me furious.I couldn't take it anymore. College was super intense, I was 10,000 miles away from my family in a foreign country and our course was notorious for failing students. I was super stressed out, very insecure about my performance and on top of that had to deal with her putting me down all the time. I had to vent in my journal to maintain my sanity. I scribbled something about her in my journal and immediately calmed down. she noticed me writing and as usual asked me "what are u writing ?". I was dumb enough to reply that it was my diary.she was like "oh ok,no one will read it here, u can enjoy your privacy".Then, when I was out, she took out of my suitcase(it was hidden in my suitcase which was inside my closet) and read it.turns out I had referred to her as a fat pig.
All hell broke loose.she showed my diary to her boyfriend and a few others. she barked at me " If u don't like me , then why are u being nice to me".she made up a story of how a cockroach entered my closet and she was worried about my belongings and made a mess to drive out the cockroach and that's how the diary fell out!!!She also said that all the belittling comments she made at me were for my own well being. she went around calling me a dangerous psycho and started pity playing with classmates to gain support and turn everyone against me.but turns out she had misbehaved with others as well and people refused to support her. I did apologize to her for calling her such a mean name and to that she responded like as if she is a selfless martyr and I am this evil person.
I was traumatized and mortified by the fact that someone like her knew my deepest, personal thoughts.If I hadn't written something nasty about her I would have probably stood up for myself. My health and grades failed miserably after that. I felt very guilty for calling her a mean name( even though I wrote that out of anger and did not mean it at all) in my journal and making her cry for the same .she made me the bully and moved on with no remorse,guilt or shame.she finally got what she wanted, me performing badly and being humiliated in class for non performance.
1.How do I forgive myself for hurting another human being even though it was completely unintentional.Note: This is the first time I am hurting someone in my life , it is usually the other way around.
2.How do I get my power back and start living my life the way I used to do before meeting this person.
