How did I go from being 'The Man' to the 'Outcast'??

[Bama_Heath]

I have never really enjoyed being around large groups of people. I tend to enjoy close personal conversations with a small select group of people instead. I was always very popular in High School and College though. I had tons of friends because I didn't belong to any one particular clique. I liked and got along with everyone. I'm a pretty good looking guy who had lots of Girlfriends and played Lead Guitar in a lot of different up and coming bands. I was confident...not arrogant or cocky...but confident.

Now I am almost completely alone. I have no friends and no confidence. I have not had a meaningful relationship with a girl in over 2 years. I have recently lost my job due to my anger problems getting the best of me and now my degree feels like a worthless piece of paper and I have nowhere to go. I have pushed all my friends away because they are happy and outgoing like I used to be, but I am more secluded and depressed than I have ever been in my life. I have OCD and Anxiety Disorders and have to take Xanax to just be around people or I get super nervous, flushed in the face, and almost have panic attacks.

I am getting older by the day like everyone else and feel like I don't fit in anywhere. Like I will never have a great job, or wife, or children. I think about suicide all the time and the only thing that stops me is my Christian Faith. What happened to me?? How did I go from being the charismatic life of the party that girls wanted to date and guys wanted to be friends with to being a depressed outcast that no one wants to be around??

 

[Lost Girl]

Do you believe you were being your true self when you were Mr. Popular? Or were you playing a part? Hiding behind a mask? Portraying someone that wasn't really you?

 

[Bama_Heath]

Do you believe you were being your true self when you were Mr. Popular? Or were you playing a part? Hiding behind a mask? Portraying someone that wasn't really you?

Good question. I guess I was probably playing a part to a degree. I mean we all want to fit in with society in general and especially when we are in school. I may have been hiding behind a mask...because now that I think about it....when I had girls chasing me all the time I was playing the role of the quick witted devil may care badboy....but when I tried to be myself and open up and express my true feelings was when the relationships went sour...I guess this would apply to guy friends as well. Maybe I should have been an actor huh? lol......I don't know....I just wish I could be happy again and be more outgoing without having to swallow 2 whole bars of Xanax at a time to be around other human beings.

 

[Lost Girl]

Good question. I guess I was probably playing a part to a degree. I mean we all want to fit in with society in general and especially when we are in school. I may have been hiding behind a mask...because now that I think about it....when I had girls chasing me all the time I was playing the role of the quick witted devil may care badboy....but when I tried to be myself and open up and express my true feelings was when the relationships went sour...I guess this would apply to guy friends as well. Maybe I should have been an actor huh? lol......I don't know....I just wish I could be happy again and be more outgoing without having to swallow 2 whole bars of Xanax at a time to be around other human beings.

::

I can relate somewhat to your first post. It was a little like that for me and then I went through a sort of breakdown a few years ago. I was convinced that I had been a fraud my whole life without knowing it, that my friends weren't my real friends because they didn't even know me. They thought I was this confident, fun girl, but I wasn't. When I was alone I was shy and weak. And like you, when I opened up, it's like people didn't want any of it. I ended up cutting everyone out of my life.

In my opinion it is likely that you opening up to people close to you and then seemingly getting rejected for it made you lose faith in friendships, in the people around you, I think you just no longer trust people, and perhaps may even keep away from others because you don't think the real you is all that likeable anyway. Which of course, in reality, probably isn't true.

I got over my whole identity crisis thing a while ago, by getting to know myself again, accepting all the different sides of me, and trusting my instincts. I still don't let too many people in my life, but I think that is a good thing, I've been burned many times by people close to me, and I have a higher respect for myself now, where I just will not accept it. I won't risk being friends with a person whom I don't think can meet my standards of loyalty and trust. Sounds harsh, but hey, I'm happy now, and no longer have ****ty friends.

 

[Bama_Heath]

::

I can relate somewhat to your first post. It was a little like that for me and then I went through a sort of breakdown a few years ago. I was convinced that I had been a fraud my whole life without knowing it, that my friends weren't my real friends because they didn't even know me. They thought I was this confident, fun girl, but I wasn't. When I was alone I was shy and weak. And like you, when I opened up, it's like people didn't want any of it. I ended up cutting everyone out of my life.

In my opinion it is likely that you opening up to people close to you and then seemingly getting rejected for it made you lose faith in friendships, in the people around you, I think you just no longer trust people, and perhaps may even keep away from others because you don't think the real you is all that likeable anyway. Which of course, in reality, probably isn't true.

I got over my whole identity crisis thing a while ago, by getting to know myself again, accepting all the different sides of me, and trusting my instincts. I still don't let too many people in my life, but I think that is a good thing, I've been burned many times by people close to me, and I have a higher respect for myself now, where I just will not accept it. I won't risk being friends with a person whom I don't think can meet my standards of loyalty and trust. Sounds harsh, but hey, I'm happy now, and no longer have ****ty friends.

Wow...That was really enlightening Lost Girl. I think you hit the nail on the head. I have lost faith in friendships and relationships. I also truly have trust issues. I guess my next step should be to 'get to know and accept the real me' as you put it and also find a way to respect and like me for who I am and only seek out people who can accept that and then maybe I will be better and happier because of that. Thank You for your input and insight.

 

[Why]

well at least you had the experience and knowledge to be socially successful, you just have to figure out what went wrong

but for me, ive never experienced that and not sure if i ever will

 

[Bama_Heath]

well at least you had the experience and knowledge to be socially successful, you just have to figure out what went wrong

but for me, ive never experienced that and not sure if i ever will

Well yeah I had the experience and knowledge...but was that the real me or just an acting role I was playing? I was like the character 'Dean' from the TV show Supernatural. I was witty and confident and had my choice of super hot girls but it was all superficial and everything fell apart when I tried to be the real me. I think Lost Girl is right. We have to learn to love the person that we truly are...if we do that...then we are successful. I would say just discover who you are and what you enjoy and seek out people who have similar interests as yourself....easier said than done I know...I have to work on this myself. But don't down yourself for not having a period of being socially popular. If you have to fake it then it is not worth it in the end anyway.

 

[jco3]

Just know that life is not a movie, or a book. There are literally no rules. Take it anywhere you want to take it. Do what's good for you.

It is hard not to fall into "roles" in life. Whenever you feel like you have to act a certain way for whatever reason, think to yourself "Okay, where's the camera?" There will most likely never be a camera, production crew, or paparazzi shadowing your every move. Just be you, man.

The reason I say this is you keep bringing up things like playing a role, and you even sort of describe yourself like you were part of some large production. I'm not trying to be harsh, I actually do the same thing a lot.

 

[Lost Girl]

Wow...That was really enlightening Lost Girl. I think you hit the nail on the head. I have lost faith in friendships and relationships. I also truly have trust issues. I guess my next step should be to 'get to know and accept the real me' as you put it and also find a way to respect and like me for who I am and only seek out people who can accept that and then maybe I will be better and happier because of that. Thank You for your input and insight.

Aww no problem, I'm glad my experience could help you.

 

[Lost Girl]

Just know that life is not a movie, or a book. There are literally no rules. Take it anywhere you want to take it. Do what's good for you.

It is hard not to fall into "roles" in life. Whenever you feel like you have to act a certain way for whatever reason, think to yourself "Okay, where's the camera?" There will most likely never be a camera, production crew, or paparazzi shadowing your every move. Just be you, man.

I like this. Super.

 

[redski]

Wow...That was really enlightening Lost Girl. I think you hit the nail on the head. I have lost faith in friendships and relationships...

I think I fall under this category too. Not that I was way popular in high
school just that I have had friends or bad friends who were not good for
me.

...I still don't let too many people in my life, but I think that is a good thing, I've been burned many times by people close to me, and I have a higher respect for myself now, where I just will not accept it. I won't risk being friends with a person whom I don't think can meet my standards of loyalty and trust. Sounds harsh, but hey, I'm happy now, and no longer have ****ty friends.

This is something I have learned to empower also. If I see some small thing
emerge in a friendwhip I know I will have a problem with later, that is basically it. End of friendship. So I understand what you mean.

 

[Lost Girl]

His true self? Surely, his true self is neither OCD nor an anxiety disorder.

No. Not what I was saying at all.

 

[Marletta]

A cognitive therapist can help you with this. There was some event or series of events that led you to where you are today. Unlike you, I was always a shut-in, recluse and a loner. Some thing or somethings turned you around. Think about when that change happened. It also could be, like someone suggested, that it was all an act and you are discovering the real you. Get some face time with a psychologist and figure it out.