how can i be happy with the way i am?

[ichiban]

I've been reading this site off and on for a while now. Sometimes I really feel like I'm any normal person, but days like today I just get stuck in a funk...

I hate that it's so difficult for me to open up to people and be social. A lot of times I feel like I'm the invisible person in a group because I so rarely talk that people don't know me and just give up on trying to know me. But I'm trying to change that. And some days, I can just have a great conversation with someone and it'll just make my day. But other times, especially if I'm in a large group, I just won't have much to say. And I'll get jealous in a way of all the other people who seem to be able to talk and have fun so easily.

I wouldn't mind being like this if it didn't make me feel sad and lonely at the end of the day, when I'm back at home and I realize that I've barely spoken to anyone all day. It's worse when I have a lot of alone time to dwell on my thoughts. Sometimes I do like to be left alone, but if I have too much free time alone and I can't busy myself with something it just makes me feel lonely and disconnected.

I think I was getting a little off track there, but my point is that although I'm trying to change and be more sociable, I realize that won't happen overnight. And honestly, it doesn't matter, as long as I get to a point where I can accept myself and be content with my situation. But how do I make that happen? Thoughts/advice?

 

[agoraphobickatie]

the best thing you can do is keep trying. don't give up for anything. it's great that you are trying to change, you just have to keep at it.

i think a lot of people here have trouble accepting their issues. this is the way we are. it doesn't make us any better or any worse than anyone else.. it's just the same as to say "i was born with curly hair and blue eyes". i've been severely agoraphobic for a year now. but the first 21 years of my life, i lived pretty "normally" apart from mild panic attacks sometimes. the agoraphobia came out of nowhere and i have no idea how or why, but i know that i miss doing the things that used to be effortless, like driving in my car alone, going to a friend's house or to my niece's softball games. i have to take the cards i'm delt and work with them, ya know? i have to work to overcome my own issues because i know it's possible to be happy, i just can't give up.

anyway, the best advice i can give is just to keep your head up, try to be as positive as you can with yourself because being negative and putting yourself down will only make your problems 10 times worse, and that's a fact. i've grown tremendously over the past year and have been getting out of my house and doing things that a year ago i couldn't even imagine myself ever doing again. so i know the persistence pays off, i'm proof. i still have things to overcome, but i know that i've gotten this far somehow, so i just have to keep working.. best wishes to you