How are you feeling?

I wish I had someone I could rely upon... :(

Am shamed if I don’t ask for help, and given excuses whenever I do.

It’s kinda $h!% when you need to get things done by yersel’, and care for someone besides herself. But I seem to be the only yin who get things done, Quite exhausting having so much responsibility, and not really getting a break from it from time to time. Though, truly, I wish I could afford a tourist visa n’ just piss off to another part o’ the world and live there for a month or 90 days.
 

Kiwong

Well-known member
I watched one of my favourite bands The Church, live at the State Theatre. They were great, played the whole Starfish album. And then after a break they olayed many more of my favourite songs.

After wards I was walking along looking to play the videos of the concert.on my mobile phone.

An Asian lady walked up to me. Where are you going she asked. Back to my motel room i replied. Want sex, good massage she said. I was a bit shocked and said no thanks. Good massage she repeated, letting me know what I was missing out on.

A part of me wondered what sex would be like, another part thought my virginity is something that is my truth that I have control of.. When throughout my life people have labelled my difference as something about my sexuality, I alone hold the truth about that.
 
I watched one of my favourite bands The Church, live at the State Theatre. They were great, played the whole Starfish album. And then after a break they olayed many more of my favourite songs.

After wards I was walking along looking to play the videos of the concert.on my mobile phone.

An Asian lady walked up to me. Where are you going she asked. Back to my motel room i replied. Want sex, good massage she said. I was a bit shocked and said no thanks. Good massage she repeated, letting me know what I was missing out on.

A part of me wondered what sex would be like, another part thought my virginity is something that is my truth that I have control of.. When throughout my life people have labelled my difference as something about my sexuality, I alone hold the truth about that.

When she said 'Want sex, good massage' you should have replied; 'Baby, I don't just give 'good'.. I give the best. So I'm sorry, you'll have to look elsewhere for 'good'..
 
Not particularly great when I think about my relationship with my family. I guess confused sums it up, really. :(

Between being treat like crap if I don’t effing fall in line with no questioning why things are the way they are on the one hand. To being told, “I’m the good son, brother, etc”, because I easier to talk to. Thought of highly n’ all that.

Yet, every time I ask a simple question or question that is trying make me understand why they act the way they do, I either get yelled at, laughed at or the silent treatment. Or, an answer that amounts to a non-answer...

But still I’m told, time n’ time again, that I’m the problem, I’m in the wrong for daring to ask why they act they the way they do towards me. Though, understanding that would mean finally getting why I’ve refused to participate in family gatherings since I was 16.
 

Kiwong

Well-known member
The world is so much easier if you can put a positive vibe out into the it. Walking around with a smile and joy in your soul. People respond and smile back. You get back the vibe you put out.

It says I am happy, I have good intent, I am ok to appraoch. It disarms people.

Trouble is when anxiety is high this kind of vibe is next to impossible. And those around you see your fear and think what is wrong with that guy, he's strange I want to keep clear of him.

And that reaction is compounding until you close down completely and hide away.
 

lily

Well-known member
The world is so much easier if you can put a positive vibe out into the it. Walking around with a smile and joy in your soul. People respond and smile back. You get back the vibe you put out.

It says I am happy, I have good intent, I am ok to appraoch. It disarms people.

Trouble is when anxiety is high this kind of vibe is next to impossible. And those around you see your fear and think what is wrong with that guy, he's strange I want to keep clear of him.

And that reaction is compounding until you close down completely and hide away.
correct. the problem is that i can't do it.. that's that issue, if only it were that easy
 

lily

Well-known member
feeling all alone on this site. it's sad when it seems like the wrong people win but I'm a believer of God and i have to trust that it's not true. i have testimony that it's not true. I can't detach from God or want to, i can feel His stronghold on me.
 
feeling all alone on this site. it's sad when it seems like the wrong people win but I'm a believer of God and i have to trust that it's not true. i have testimony that it's not true. I can't detach from God or want to, i can feel His stronghold on me.
What do you mean by 'the wrong people win' Lily?
Who are the wrong people, and what are they winning?
 
I'm getting fed-up and pissed off with being told what ah should do, then, when I agree to something, it's up to me to teach myself. Aye, to some, teach yersel' how to do summit which be quite an achievement and something to be admired, but it's a struggle at time. But then, most people in ma life just assume ah know everythin'... :mad:
 
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Meh! Who cares anyway? Just the same ol’ pish, day in day oot fur me. Family dictating the direction o’ ma life.

Can’t point how emasculating that is, though. Since my mother and older siblings don’t particularly take it well when being told their wrong. Besides, taking away a spastic’s free will and ability to care for himself, it’s no like that’s a human rights violation, is it?
 

lily

Well-known member
feeling all alone on this site. it's sad when it seems like the wrong people win but I'm a believer of God and i have to trust that it's not true. i have testimony that it's not true. I can't detach from God or want to, i can feel His stronghold on me.
Oh here i also meant that i feel God's still and quiet voice and that's what it says in the bible!
 
Absolutely knackered... exhausted. Tired. Like I can't depend upon my family when I reach out to them or ask something of them. Even buying me something I need at the moment that wouldn't even cost much is asking too much it seems. Frankly, I'd be happy to send Christmas somewhere else this year. Just to get away from the almost constant nagging, complaining and demands of my family. The latter of which is always coming for me, apparently. Gotta love the projection, eh? Buckin' smashing! :mad:
 
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