Happy that I'm now, finally, going to be getting weekly physiotherapy visits. But really annoyed that being totally knackered has meant I'm not pushing myself to walk as much as I should be. :sad:
I am so tired.....oh so tired mentally and physically. How cruel existence is. Am I to just sit here and wait for time or some illness to take me? How long will that take? Words truly cannot explain how much I hate life. I just don't know what other way to word it. It makes me sick to my stomach to know that there is a good chance ill wake up tomorrow and have to endure the same torment yet again.:crying:
I'm going to visit my niece today, which means taking the train, which I'm slightly nervous about. Only slightly. I'm more nervous about meeting her roommate. If I'll be awkward and weird and quiet or talk too much.... Then the roommate won't like me and my niece will like me less.
Why bother being nice anymore? Askin' folk tae do stuf for ya, sayin' "Please" an "Thanks". When the folk yer askin' couldnae give a f**k!
Ah think am might just be a c*nt fae now on? At least then ma funeral would be a celebration, provided aw ma relatives under 30 cared aboot me enough tae show up?
But aside fae that, ah hud a great night oot last night, despite no being as talkative. And ah felt good wakin' up this mornin'. Though, it's a right b*****d tryin' tae get fit enough so ah cun get back upstairs. :kickmyself:
It seems like I get more aggravated and hypersensitive than normal to shit I see/read online lately. I know I can just hide/ignore it, but the initial sight is what ignites my anger. It makes me glad I don't have to see any of these people in day to day life.
Maybe I've been online too much these days, being unemployed and all. Maybe I'm just particularly anxious because of all the upcoming things I have to do this week (many of them being interviews), and it's making me highly irritable.
I need to start cleansing my mind of all this toxic shit. I can start today, by cramming for an exam I have tomorrow night and writing a paper due later in the week, as well as preparing for tomorrow's interview and cleaning my apartment up a bit.
I'm going to visit my niece today, which means taking the train, which I'm slightly nervous about. Only slightly. I'm more nervous about meeting her roommate. If I'll be awkward and weird and quiet or talk too much.... Then the roommate won't like me and my niece will like me less.
Thank you... for wishing me good luck. The roommate wasn't even there, so I was able to relax. The trainrides went okay, but I was nervous and too self conscious. Exhausting.
Thank you... for wishing me good luck. The roommate wasn't even there, so I was able to relax. The trainrides went okay, but I was nervous and too self conscious. Exhausting.
:idontknow: Difficult to put intae words, really. Kinda feelin' down cuz am still sleepin' in the living room, yet ah want to desperately get back upstairs. But part of me is going, "Aye, but ye cannae get it aw your way. Gie it time...". So there's that. Oh! And I'm buzzing from the great weekend ah hud. :bigsmile:
I've had those and it's awful. Sometimes it helps me if I take a combo of different kinds of painkillers. But sometimes nothing helps and I have to wait hours untill it's over.
Undermined as usual. Knew there wus a reason ah don't talk much, aside loathing the sound of ma voice. :kickingmyself: Doubtful ma recovery will bring any improvements. Since ma family seem more intent upon making me feel bad for genuinely feelin' tired, than being supportive and understanding.
Am ah not allowed to rest every once in awhile, now? :sad:
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But really annoyed that being totally knackered has meant I'm not pushing myself to walk as much as I should be. :sad:
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