I feel like an idiot, because i am not attending any lectures today. I couldn't force myself to give a presentation.
..I wanted to do something about my SA that day..very badly. And then - how convenient- lecturer asked - ''who wishes to give a presentation about population changes from 1850 years til nowadays next lecture?''..so, as no one raised hand and she asked twice.. i had this thought that it is a good chance to prove myself.. or smth like that..and then it happened..i saw my hand raising up and my mouth spilling words ''i would like to!''...while shaking a bit.
BUT today...
I just can't. No. No.
So i am acting like i am absent. Too ashamed to pick up the phone as well.
Can't even e-mail my lecturer. Ahhh. :omg:
I feel like an idiot, because i am not attending any lectures today. I couldn't force myself to give a presentation.
..I wanted to do something about my SA that day..very badly. And then - how convenient- lecturer asked - ''who wishes to give a presentation about population changes from 1850 years til nowadays next lecture?''..so, as no one raised hand and she asked twice.. i had this thought that it is a good chance to prove myself.. or smth like that..and then it happened..i saw my hand raising up and my mouth spilling words ''i would like to!''...while shaking a bit.
BUT today...
I just can't. No. No.
So i am acting like i am absent. Too ashamed to pick up the phone as well.
Can't even e-mail my lecturer. Ahhh. :omg:
That seems like an odd thing for your professor to ask. Was there extra credit?
Baby steps, my friend, take baby steps.
I can't stop getting headaches.
I can't stop hating myself.
I can't stop eating ice-cream.
I can't stop bad thoughts being in my brain that should not be.
I can't stop being angry.
I can't stop wanting revenge.
I can't stop all of the above because I can't stop not caring about stuff I should be caring about. :oh:
Feel worried about my Dad. He's been in the hospital for almost a week now. But I'm excited to maybe hangout with one of my really good friends tonight.
I feel...lonely. This is a strange and unpleasant sensation. I've been out of town for only a couple of days. A couple of days with no cats or dogs or cows trying to cuddle with me and converse with me and demand food and other things.
I feel...lonely. This is a strange and unpleasant sensation. I've been out of town for only a couple of days. A couple of days with no cats or dogs or cows trying to cuddle with me and converse with me and demand food and other things.
Do you mean like you want to smash things?
I have fantasized about smashing every single breakable thing in my kitchen; plates, glasses, cups, bowls, vases etc. Just throwing them as hard as possible against the wall.
Unfortunately I don't have the money to replace them all, so is still only a fantasy.
I feel...lonely. This is a strange and unpleasant sensation. I've been out of town for only a couple of days. A couple of days with no cats or dogs or cows trying to cuddle with me and converse with me and demand food and other things.
Lonely IS hard to suffer through.:sad:
Do you know when you will be back with your cats and affectionate moo cows?
I have often focussed on (imagined it happening) the moment of being reunited with the particular thing I miss to help take the edge off.
Yep, that is frustrating when there is not a reason you can think of.
When there seems no reason I find it harder to get any relief from things that normally offer at least a tinsy bit of enjoyment for a short time. Do you find that is the case too?
another night watching the news and seeing just how sh!tty the human race can be.
I really wish I could jump into some thought up place.. a place from a story, game or a movie.
Me too. I get so caught up and immersed in some memorable video game settings, even though most of the time they're even more tragic than real life.
A lot of news is also pretty tragic, but I feel that the world would'nt be as interesting and diverse as it is without the darker side of humanity, which is always going to be around whether we like it or not. All the negative emotions and terrible things humans do make for interesting stories to tell and listen to. It almost sounds like I approve of people to do bad things which is definitely not true, it just seems kind of appropriate in a strange non-sadistic sense that these things happen, like these things are supposed to occur. There's some kind of poeticness to it all. I have no idea if any of this makes sense to anyone here, it's difficult to explain.
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