I feel sick sick sick. I went way too far with what I did last night. I really need to learn to respect and know my body more, it definitely has limits. I need to be in tune with what I can and cannot do and how much is too much. I feel like absolute hell today. These horrible waves of nausea, a pounding heart, overheating, and a throbbing headache. Definitely not fun. Ugh, I hope I feel better tomorrow. Something happened that REALLY upset me yesterday and in the process of trying to drown out those overwhelming emotions I really ****ed myself over. I need to stop being so damn stupid.
^what happened that really upset you, Psych? You can PM me if you need to talk.
Thank you!! The meetings went pretty well. My boss gave me some info and seems pretty knowledgeable about transitioning people into leadership roles like this, so I feel I'm in good hands. @Pacific_Loner that's the trick! I almost envision an imaginary bubble-shield with "pains" sliding off of it and not penetrating, like Teflon. Still, I have this residual overall anxiety about it... I hope it is just the newness of it and wears off.
^That is handy to have such a helpful boss.:thumbup:
^what happened that really upset you, Psych? You can PM me if you need to talk.
I think I am going now blue thank you 🙂. I'm feeling much better today. I just am tired of people being so unreliable and manipulative. It really reminds me why I have such strong aversion to most of our society in general. I get so tired of people.
I think I am going now blue thank you 🙂. I'm feeling much better today. I just am tired of people being so unreliable and manipulative. It really reminds me why I have such strong aversion to most of our society in general. I get so tired of people.
For me.. getting tired of people= I think it's called low tolerance of bologna.. and that's the nice way of putting it.
Sometimes I think that my mind makes up false fears. I don't know if I can ever understand others, I don't feel much friendship with a friend of mine (lately) because of many reasons, but yesterday she came to meet me along with her sister. She was her usual self like she was before. Recently we met very few times and talked very less. I was beginning to feel she didn't care about me but yesterday it was different.
This makes me think, am I making up things, believing things that don't exist ! It doesn't mean I feel like before with her but I think if we meet more things will get better. I don't think she knows how I feel. It is very very alone life for me and I don't want to lose just a few people I have as friends in my real life.
I am tired of trying to ease my loneliness. It is one of the worst feelings.
Feeling a little sick to my stomach after making an emotional realization about my past, how I hurt someone, and how I didn't realize at the time I was hurting them. It took my brain 16 years to figure it out and then all of a sudden a memory made it pop into my head, and I feel bad about it... it's probably way out of line to talk about it this far out, so I won't bring it up. Argh.
I've been having very frequent lows, lately. Not intense enough that I think about how to do myself in but low enough to just hide- literally- under the covers and cry about how much I hate myself.
I've been having very frequent lows, lately. Not intense enough that I think about how to do myself in but low enough to just hide- literally- under the covers and cry about how much I hate myself.
haha
sounds so stupid.
stupid brain!
Me too. Bad lows for last two weeks.
I don't cry though. Just listen to dark music.
Things have been strange lately. Things seem "veiled". Like reality has changed and I can't figure out this new paradigm.
I was feeling a bit low but OK now. I had a dream where I was being treated disrespectfully by a group of women. They called me a piece of sh*t and that I remember leaving feeling hurt. Then, I was underground where I had to race against the flow of water submerging the cave. I was the last one running and probably didn't make it out of there. Then I woke up.
Another one of those nights where I have such an emotionally intense dream that I wake up sobbing and can't go back to sleep.
I want to die. I want to stop existing and feeling this pain that isn't getting any easier to feel... it's been 6 years and I still feel sick to my stomach when I think of how unwanted I am by the only person I've ever loved.
He won't even talk to me, so I can't try to get any kind of closure.
I just... keep dreaming about him and waking up to realize that it wasn't real-- then plot how I should disappear.
Another one of those nights where I have such an emotionally intense dream that I wake up sobbing and can't go back to sleep.
I want to die. I want to stop existing and feeling this pain that isn't getting any easier to feel... it's been 6 years and I still feel sick to my stomach when I think of how unwanted I am by the only person I've ever loved.
He won't even talk to me, so I can't try to get any kind of closure.
I just... keep dreaming about him and waking up to realize that it wasn't real-- then plot how I should disappear.
Another one of those nights where I have such an emotionally intense dream that I wake up sobbing and can't go back to sleep.
I want to die. I want to stop existing and feeling this pain that isn't getting any easier to feel... it's been 6 years and I still feel sick to my stomach when I think of how unwanted I am by the only person I've ever loved.
He won't even talk to me, so I can't try to get any kind of closure.
I just... keep dreaming about him and waking up to realize that it wasn't real-- then plot how I should disappear.
I wish I could stop feeling.
You're still trying to get over your boyfriend from all that time ago? Why is he so important?
You seem to have a decent personality to need validation from someone else, even if it was your only love. Nevertheless, I'm sorry you're still hurting a lot. It's been a long, long time.
You're still trying to get over your boyfriend from all that time ago? Why is he so important?
You seem to have a decent personality to need validation from someone else, even if it was your only love. Nevertheless, I'm sorry you're still hurting a lot. It's been a long, long time.
Why is he so important?
He isn't.
I think it's just the fact that he was a person I trusted-- and the first person outside of my immediate family who accepted me/my disorders/my past... I felt comfortable with him and I can't feel comfortable with anyone anymore because I'm too terrified of people.
He is just a face for that feeling, I think.
I hate how shallow I feel-- worrying so much about my looks and even the thought that I might 'need' validation from anyone but myself...
I always wanted to be a strong individual but I can't figure out how to not care.
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