I hope my post help some of you guys because over the past few weeks I've felt that these things put me at peace and can see some noticeable change. Feel free to add in anything that has help you or to critique what I have said.
1. Life is a intermix of things. Be careful not to fall to far into one side of the yin or yang. Imo I do believe people with social anxiety have fallen too far into one side.
2. Don't be a people pleaser. Because most of us tend to have less social contact or friends we tend to want to "buy" peoples friendship or love. Respect them but don't try to win their love. You cannot buy someones love. It is freely giving to whom we want to give it to. People pleasing backfires and instead of getting what we want, we hurt ourselves by putting others first. Being a people pleaser always makes you a liar and a fake but you are unable to see it unless someone was doing it to you. But sometimes we have to do things we don't want to do. No one wants to flip burgers for a living but its one of the things someone has to do in order to make a living. But when someone tries to cross this line, the line that it is just your job, then you have a definite choice to say yes or no.
Being able to say no at the appropriate time or when you definitely feel its imposing on what you value says alot about you.
-It says you are not trying to win anyone's approval. This means you don't need anyone to make you feel good about yourself. If you don't need anyone to feel good about yourself then it is a indicator of good self-image or esteem.
-It says to people that they are not going to impose their will on you but you on theirs. This means what you value is more important than what anyone else says or think. People will believe it if you believe it.
-Saying no can help you! People will try to scam you. This is fact. They will sweet talk you into falling for their tricks. Your intuition will tell you something is wrong but you don't want to let the other person down so you say yes. You have just falling into a trap. Seen it happen too many times.
-It can help you in the dating world. Showing interest and at the same time not giving up what you value is very attractive. People want what they cannot have. This is why the nice guys finish last, this is why the "a$$holes" attracts the girl. The nice guy isn't actually nice. Hes just giving up what he values, this shows a low self-worth. The a$$hole isnt actually an a$$hole, hes just not giving up what he values or what he believes to be important to him. Going up to someone and calling them a ugly bitch is being an a$$hole. Don't be an a$$hole. So its not a$$holes that girls are attractive to. Its just a word that have been wrongly labeled to someone. The nice guy and bad boy live on two very different terms of life.
-Remember that saying no or yes isnt going to make that person like you any more or less. If they like you then they like you. There are people out there that run on the "if I do this for you then you do it back for me" mentality. They will try to do favors for you with for future repayment. If you run into this kind of person it is fine. Just be cautious that if you dont repay them, then they will have resentment towards you. They will also see you as a bad friend when in reality you are not.
3. Be nice but not to0o0 nice. Be stern but not to0o0 stern. Again this the yin and yang. People with SA tend to be too mean or too nice. For me I am the super nice guy. This is spawned from people pleasing. Being too nice can hurt you more then benefiting. We become too trusting of others and that in turns backfires. We can think people are always good and that they would never take advantage of us. FALSE. We can think people are always bad and they would never do good, FALSE. So, take things slow or until you can get a true sense of what someone is like.
4. Question your beliefs, actions and values from time to time. Sometimes we think we know it all but in reality we aints know $hit. Your intuition is there to help you but it can be wrong. Very wrong. But more often then not it is usually right. I use to believe God is real...boy was I wrong. But I wouldn't have come to that conclusion had I not question my beliefs and values. That can be a whole different topic but I just wanted to prove how what we believe can take a 360 turn just like that. So maybe how you view the world is totally different then what it really is. Which is again an intermix of good and bad. The world isnt as negative or positive as you think and more often then not we get to choose what side we want to baste in.
5. Care for yourself. Have some love for yourself. Be able to hold your own. Because we haven't any love for our self we go looking for it externally. I cant tell you how many times when I've eaten lunch by myself and just wanted some company because I wasn't comfortable with myself. Had I view myself in better light I would have careless. And I do believe people can sense how you feel about yourself. They in turn treat you how you treat yourself...and then there's always that ahole who disregards everything. In the end only you can be there for you.
I knew this one guy in hs who never gave a shit about anyone. But when you talked to him he was always funny and stern. He ALWAYS had someone around to keep him company. He was highly respected by everyone and people always wanted his company. It was weird because he didn't want their company. Once you stop caring about others they start caring about you. Its very weird how it works.
6. Learn. Put yourself in the position to learn. Learning can suck but the rewards are there.
7. Research. Use the internet. Ask Google. Compare. The internet is the human consciousness. Think Yin and Yang again. Not everything on the internet is worth believing which is why I said to compare and use judgement. 9/11 was done by our government and not by Bin Laden. This is just an example of me doing research, comparing, and using judgement. You can do the same and come to a different conclusion and there isn't anything wrong with that.
8. Get rid of the bitterness. Be happy for other peoples success. Get rid of the Jealousy. Care for yourself.
9. Be careful of the "nice" people or people with SA. At first glance you would think that they are nice but deep down they have alot of baggage, hidden agenda and built up whatever. The first person they find that they can unleash that built of pain they will. So, you are not as nice as you think you are. In #3 I said I was a super nice guy. I finally realize that it is just a mask that I put on in order to gain others approval. Its a mask that people can see that you have on. Too many times I have made friends with the social outcast hoping that we both can be understanding of each other but sooner or later the other person will attack at any chance they get. So, don't hate the popular kid because you have resentment towards him, be friends with him and learn from him. And steer clear of the loner kid. Thats not to say that all popular kids are someone worth being friends with or loner kid not being worth friends with.
10. Don't be an a$$hole. You will lose so many friends this way. Give people the basic respect they deserve and move on with your life if you don't like them. This way you don't lose any respect for yourself but gain respect from others. And if you have negative thoughts about someone, keep them to yourself and avoid that person or let them down without having to be an a$$. Some people have a harder time getting the message you don't like them more then others and that's ok. Sooner or later they will get the message. But don't make them feel like $hit. People who are a$$holes always let what they think seep out through their actions and words. People can sense this and will hate you for it. Its fine for someone to dislike you but don't let that reason being an a$$hole. Only bad things can come from it.
One of my problem was that when im not people pleasing, im being a passive a$$hole due to bitterness and jealousy and just bad past experiences in general. Its a awful lose-lose situation to be in. Even with those horrible traits I was able to make a few friends and push even more people away. So you see? There's good people out there willing to put up with your bs! And if you want to associate yourself with them then you need to start picking up some of their traits and getting rid of the ones you have now that are detrimental to your mind and health.
11. Be loyal. We have very few people in our lives who truly cares for us but the bad that they did could overshadow everything. Depending on what the bad was. Our family deserves our loyalty and very few friends deserve loyalty. It is because these people have the biggest impact on our lives so don't ever forget about them.
1. Life is a intermix of things. Be careful not to fall to far into one side of the yin or yang. Imo I do believe people with social anxiety have fallen too far into one side.
2. Don't be a people pleaser. Because most of us tend to have less social contact or friends we tend to want to "buy" peoples friendship or love. Respect them but don't try to win their love. You cannot buy someones love. It is freely giving to whom we want to give it to. People pleasing backfires and instead of getting what we want, we hurt ourselves by putting others first. Being a people pleaser always makes you a liar and a fake but you are unable to see it unless someone was doing it to you. But sometimes we have to do things we don't want to do. No one wants to flip burgers for a living but its one of the things someone has to do in order to make a living. But when someone tries to cross this line, the line that it is just your job, then you have a definite choice to say yes or no.
Being able to say no at the appropriate time or when you definitely feel its imposing on what you value says alot about you.
-It says you are not trying to win anyone's approval. This means you don't need anyone to make you feel good about yourself. If you don't need anyone to feel good about yourself then it is a indicator of good self-image or esteem.
-It says to people that they are not going to impose their will on you but you on theirs. This means what you value is more important than what anyone else says or think. People will believe it if you believe it.
-Saying no can help you! People will try to scam you. This is fact. They will sweet talk you into falling for their tricks. Your intuition will tell you something is wrong but you don't want to let the other person down so you say yes. You have just falling into a trap. Seen it happen too many times.
-It can help you in the dating world. Showing interest and at the same time not giving up what you value is very attractive. People want what they cannot have. This is why the nice guys finish last, this is why the "a$$holes" attracts the girl. The nice guy isn't actually nice. Hes just giving up what he values, this shows a low self-worth. The a$$hole isnt actually an a$$hole, hes just not giving up what he values or what he believes to be important to him. Going up to someone and calling them a ugly bitch is being an a$$hole. Don't be an a$$hole. So its not a$$holes that girls are attractive to. Its just a word that have been wrongly labeled to someone. The nice guy and bad boy live on two very different terms of life.
-Remember that saying no or yes isnt going to make that person like you any more or less. If they like you then they like you. There are people out there that run on the "if I do this for you then you do it back for me" mentality. They will try to do favors for you with for future repayment. If you run into this kind of person it is fine. Just be cautious that if you dont repay them, then they will have resentment towards you. They will also see you as a bad friend when in reality you are not.
3. Be nice but not to0o0 nice. Be stern but not to0o0 stern. Again this the yin and yang. People with SA tend to be too mean or too nice. For me I am the super nice guy. This is spawned from people pleasing. Being too nice can hurt you more then benefiting. We become too trusting of others and that in turns backfires. We can think people are always good and that they would never take advantage of us. FALSE. We can think people are always bad and they would never do good, FALSE. So, take things slow or until you can get a true sense of what someone is like.
4. Question your beliefs, actions and values from time to time. Sometimes we think we know it all but in reality we aints know $hit. Your intuition is there to help you but it can be wrong. Very wrong. But more often then not it is usually right. I use to believe God is real...boy was I wrong. But I wouldn't have come to that conclusion had I not question my beliefs and values. That can be a whole different topic but I just wanted to prove how what we believe can take a 360 turn just like that. So maybe how you view the world is totally different then what it really is. Which is again an intermix of good and bad. The world isnt as negative or positive as you think and more often then not we get to choose what side we want to baste in.
5. Care for yourself. Have some love for yourself. Be able to hold your own. Because we haven't any love for our self we go looking for it externally. I cant tell you how many times when I've eaten lunch by myself and just wanted some company because I wasn't comfortable with myself. Had I view myself in better light I would have careless. And I do believe people can sense how you feel about yourself. They in turn treat you how you treat yourself...and then there's always that ahole who disregards everything. In the end only you can be there for you.
I knew this one guy in hs who never gave a shit about anyone. But when you talked to him he was always funny and stern. He ALWAYS had someone around to keep him company. He was highly respected by everyone and people always wanted his company. It was weird because he didn't want their company. Once you stop caring about others they start caring about you. Its very weird how it works.
6. Learn. Put yourself in the position to learn. Learning can suck but the rewards are there.
7. Research. Use the internet. Ask Google. Compare. The internet is the human consciousness. Think Yin and Yang again. Not everything on the internet is worth believing which is why I said to compare and use judgement. 9/11 was done by our government and not by Bin Laden. This is just an example of me doing research, comparing, and using judgement. You can do the same and come to a different conclusion and there isn't anything wrong with that.
8. Get rid of the bitterness. Be happy for other peoples success. Get rid of the Jealousy. Care for yourself.
9. Be careful of the "nice" people or people with SA. At first glance you would think that they are nice but deep down they have alot of baggage, hidden agenda and built up whatever. The first person they find that they can unleash that built of pain they will. So, you are not as nice as you think you are. In #3 I said I was a super nice guy. I finally realize that it is just a mask that I put on in order to gain others approval. Its a mask that people can see that you have on. Too many times I have made friends with the social outcast hoping that we both can be understanding of each other but sooner or later the other person will attack at any chance they get. So, don't hate the popular kid because you have resentment towards him, be friends with him and learn from him. And steer clear of the loner kid. Thats not to say that all popular kids are someone worth being friends with or loner kid not being worth friends with.
10. Don't be an a$$hole. You will lose so many friends this way. Give people the basic respect they deserve and move on with your life if you don't like them. This way you don't lose any respect for yourself but gain respect from others. And if you have negative thoughts about someone, keep them to yourself and avoid that person or let them down without having to be an a$$. Some people have a harder time getting the message you don't like them more then others and that's ok. Sooner or later they will get the message. But don't make them feel like $hit. People who are a$$holes always let what they think seep out through their actions and words. People can sense this and will hate you for it. Its fine for someone to dislike you but don't let that reason being an a$$hole. Only bad things can come from it.
One of my problem was that when im not people pleasing, im being a passive a$$hole due to bitterness and jealousy and just bad past experiences in general. Its a awful lose-lose situation to be in. Even with those horrible traits I was able to make a few friends and push even more people away. So you see? There's good people out there willing to put up with your bs! And if you want to associate yourself with them then you need to start picking up some of their traits and getting rid of the ones you have now that are detrimental to your mind and health.
11. Be loyal. We have very few people in our lives who truly cares for us but the bad that they did could overshadow everything. Depending on what the bad was. Our family deserves our loyalty and very few friends deserve loyalty. It is because these people have the biggest impact on our lives so don't ever forget about them.
Last edited:
