Hmm no idea what title I should give it - its a weird thing

[j_brown2]

Anyone else can relate to this? (ha maybe that should be the title haha ah Iam so not funny, I know)

Ok does that happen to some people, where for example your talking with your brother, parents or friends (if you have them), like you have a good relationship with them, then they go somewhere for a month or so for example or you go away and next time you meet each other or if it's your brother for example he comes back after a month.... so you start feeling weird or anxious around him for the first few days till you talk a bit and then a bit more and it's all to the old way again.

Is it just me or does that happen to someone else too? I just find it weird, coz even if I have a good relationship with someone (feel no anxiety) around him that if I don't socialize with that person for a month... I get all anxious and feeling weird around him for the first few days after we see each other again till we spent some time together

 

[Ihateit]

My sister lives away from home, well she has her own house down the road. She only ever visits once in a month or something like that, everytime she visits I go in my room so I don't have to see her for fear of my facial blushing, but also fear of my shyness showing and not knowing what to say. Me and her talk everyday on MSN anyways, and I can be real chatty over the net but face-toface it is a different story.

 

[Off The Wall]

yes!!!!! since everyone in my fam has started moving out. I've become so anxious when they are around. I was so close to my sister we did everything together now it's like um hi... um yeah... so would you like a drink?? i feel like an idiot.

 

[j_brown2]

Ha wow really, well I know what the reason behind is (at least in my case)... loneliness. I feel lonely around my brother for the first few days every month he comes home, Iam so self conscious and feel so unatural, so shy and reserved that it's crazy, before he left I could talk with him about anything... after he comes back, the first few days Iam like a shy, reserved baby... Weird as. I so wanna avoid him the first few days, but I usuaally get through it, we talk a bit more each day and it's fine again... well until he leaves and comes back again

Well it's scary when you act like a social phobic around your own family, but again I know the reason for it in my case (loneliness)

To clarify I don't really feel lonely around him, but anxious, weird, disconnected... I just know the painful emotion of loneliness is behind it- the cause for it

 

[lurknomore]

I'm kind of in the same position- I have lived away from home for a long time, but I visit my mom often enough that I'm comfortable around her and my two brothers and a sister that are still at home, but my three other sisters who live kind of far away and don't visit as often, I'm kind of shy around, even though one of them is only a year younger than I am, we shared a bedroom from the time she was born until I moved out at 18, and were pretty close up to that point. Also, these sisters are very different from me- well, two of them are maybe a little shy, but do not seem to be SP like me- they have friends, go out to clubs, other social things- they have even dragged me out a few times. But I think there are other factors in my case as well. Like, I'm probably comfortable around my brothers more because I've always gotten along with guys better than I have girls in general, and the sister that's at home is the youngest- 12 years younger, and I tend to get along with much older and much younger people better. The other sisters I'm more self-conscious around I think too because they are closer to my age, and just seem to be more popular than I have ever been- more in tune with social things, fashion, girl-stuff in general that I've never been much interested in.

 

[j_brown2]

Well I think I know why Iam super anxious around hot girls that are same age as me for example and much less around let's say old people.

Let's say an international student is gona come and live at my home for some months. I would be so anxious at the start, first few days... with time but only if I wouldn't avoid him (avoiding him would make me feel even more lonely around him next time I see him)... so if I wouldn't avoid him and start talking more and more with him, socializing, feeling like we connected the loneliness feeling would go so my anxiety around him

I think that's what SA is about. Well I know from my own experience and theraphy... if you read about loneliness on wikipedia, you will see.. it causes social isolation, creates believes of being not good enough about yourself... causes avoidant personality disorder which is close to SA anyway

Strong social phobia doesn't exist in people who are not feeling lonely, or are alone all the time and feel lonely

 

[TheNewZero]

Yeah I love my aunt and uncle to death but I only get to see them a few times a year. Whenever they do come visit, I always have a day or two where I have to get used to them again. It's sort of sad sometimes. I went to this sleep away camp since every year since I was seven, and I made a lot of really good friends there. They were like my sisters. Anyways, I didn't go for one little year, and that summer when I came back to visit, it was like I didn't know them at all. I got really shy and awkward and didn't know what to say. One of my friends even said to me why are you being so awkward? Sad. But yeah, I do it all the time. Sort of freaks me out...

 

[j_brown2]

another thing I have is going outside.... I can go out after a long time of not going out... I will be so anxious, but with time it will get better, if I for some reason stop going out every day for some days... I will be back at the beginning- be super anxious when i go out coz in reality what is happening is I feel so disconnected and lonely in the outside world again (the world outside my room)


Same with my grandparents I liked being around them always, my grandmother told me Iam thin one day though when my SA was developing and it was over, from then on I just felt disconnected from her, she made my feeling of loneliness just stronger, so I avoided her, never wanted to see her or talk to her, when I did had to she just hurt me more and mentioned how I changed lol, with time whenever I had to go to her or she came for a visit I would have anticipitory anxiety... to make matters worse they started talking bout me being embarassed, shy... which all just made me more and more lonely feeling around them... all I needed was someone to care for me make me not feel so lonely... but everyone just kept rejecting me and make me feel so isolated

I can see how I got in this vicious circle... The question is how to get out of it, people around you are going to hurt you and make you feel pain

I guess that's the reason why I don't tell my parents about my SA, Iam to scared of loosing the only people I got around me... I don't know what there reaction will be... they will blame me for it coz they are not understandable parents... so I will feel completely alone in this world with noone here for me

 

[Uix]

I get this all of time but not within the family i live with. i'm always nervous alright aints/uncles/grandparents/cousins etc if i havent seen them in awhile.. and i havent seen them in awhile right now so next time is them it'l happen again

 

[Errordotocx]

I get anxious when seeing an old friend from school or a co-worker I used to work with. Although it doesn't happen all the time, it's more annoying than anything.

 

[Satine]

I think you could call that 'under-exposure'.

Have you ever heard the phrase, 'exposure leads to desensitivity'? It means that if something worries you, facing it on a regular basis makes you less worried. But if you have time away from it, it is possible that when you come back you are worried again.