FinalSolution
Well-known member
Hi all
I am new here.
I thought i am the only one with this problems, but yesterday i was googling my "symptoms" coz i rly wanna do something about it and i found this forum and rly had alot of interesting reading. Well i am a stupid idiotic loser that is affraid to talk with ppl and with low self-esteem. I dont know how it started. I guess when i was kidd and went to school and after 4 years i went to another school. And i didnt have any friends there from before so i was more alone. I was a bit fat too and kidds there were making fun... but stil i was patient and stil had my dreams to be someday something special.. i dont know
But one day i had enough of 1 boy there that was "best in class" and always making some fun of me and always hitting me,... and i hit him back and fight started and of course i lost, got my finger hurt and i started to cry.. for 1st time in public.. i was arround 12 years old.. and bye bye my pride.. After that i hated to go in school, every day there was pain, i got some serious health problems coz of stress and went to hospital 2 times. Later i used it for excuse to not to go to school coz was scared... Well i used to be the most quiet kidd in class. After that went in high school. I think it started kinda good. I made some friends in 1st days already. Even fall in love for 1st time (ofc i never told her ). I liked her alot, we spoke alot in school.. went on some drinks... No idea what went wrong except me being stupid, shy, nervous,... After that just went down with everything. I guess coz i started to spend to much at PC and online gaming. I was never talk active in group talkign, i never opened my mouth coz i just never had anything to say. Sometimes hours passed and i didnt even said a word. Again i used to be most quiet person in whole class. I wont even mention presentations in school which were just big FAIL. I dont know how but it feels like my brain "shut down" when i am standing in front of public and i cant get even 1 word out of me... Well i dont know what else to say about me, but now i am 21 years old, out of school for 2-3 years, without job, without friends (maybe 1 childhood friend but i see him like every month or 2). I tried 3 jobs til now. 1 was fine, i didnt talk much but i got used to ppl there and boss was nice to me and everyone else. It was selling and mostly working with ppl. Yea it was scary i was nervous all the time but stil was kinda ok. But it was onyl temporary. So after i found another job was similiar, just the boss wasnt nice and working 10 hours at night sucked. And again it was selling some stuff and working with ppl what i really hated so i left after 2 months... Then the last one was... big fail.. i found a job where i wouldnt work with ppl in some industry, but stil i had annoying boss and worked with coworkers which were actually nice, at least most of them, but work was brain-killing so i left after 2 days.. Ofc everyone there was talking, making jokes, but i was quiet, didnt even said a word for hours... Well alot more to write but i am kinda sleepy coz its late in my country and i doubt anyone will even read this. So my problem is that when i am talking to other ppl (except my family and some ppl i know rly good) i get nervous, my hands kinda shaking and i just cant find any words. like something blocking my brains. If anyone suddenly ask me some question and i am not prepared i usually just say something stupid. On internet is fine i can talk normally, and everything but real life not.. I dont know if i am affraid of ppl or i am more affraid what ppl will think about me when i open my mouth. I guess i already look stupid enough when i am quiet all the time, so i couldnt make it worse if i would talk, but stil i can tell myself many things i will be stil scared to talk to other ppl or if not scared then i wil have no idea what to say. I hope i will fix this someday and i will be better. I am not trying to be normal like everyone else, normal is boring anyway, i just wanna talk normally with ppl without being scared and nervous. I wanna be above average. Not like now a total loser scared of ppl... Yea high goal... But thats the only hope i have. If i lose that, and i stay pathetic like this forever, then there is no point of living anyway. Someday i will be better or i will die trying. Ah this world just sux. I hope it will end soon, that would make me happy after long time
Btw i never told anyone about this and i cant believe i just wrote it here...
PS: sry for my bad eng, but i am sure u can understand
zzzzzzz wont even read again what i wrote, to sleepy
I am new here.
I thought i am the only one with this problems, but yesterday i was googling my "symptoms" coz i rly wanna do something about it and i found this forum and rly had alot of interesting reading. Well i am a stupid idiotic loser that is affraid to talk with ppl and with low self-esteem. I dont know how it started. I guess when i was kidd and went to school and after 4 years i went to another school. And i didnt have any friends there from before so i was more alone. I was a bit fat too and kidds there were making fun... but stil i was patient and stil had my dreams to be someday something special.. i dont know
But one day i had enough of 1 boy there that was "best in class" and always making some fun of me and always hitting me,... and i hit him back and fight started and of course i lost, got my finger hurt and i started to cry.. for 1st time in public.. i was arround 12 years old.. and bye bye my pride.. After that i hated to go in school, every day there was pain, i got some serious health problems coz of stress and went to hospital 2 times. Later i used it for excuse to not to go to school coz was scared... Well i used to be the most quiet kidd in class. After that went in high school. I think it started kinda good. I made some friends in 1st days already. Even fall in love for 1st time (ofc i never told her ). I liked her alot, we spoke alot in school.. went on some drinks... No idea what went wrong except me being stupid, shy, nervous,... After that just went down with everything. I guess coz i started to spend to much at PC and online gaming. I was never talk active in group talkign, i never opened my mouth coz i just never had anything to say. Sometimes hours passed and i didnt even said a word. Again i used to be most quiet person in whole class. I wont even mention presentations in school which were just big FAIL. I dont know how but it feels like my brain "shut down" when i am standing in front of public and i cant get even 1 word out of me... Well i dont know what else to say about me, but now i am 21 years old, out of school for 2-3 years, without job, without friends (maybe 1 childhood friend but i see him like every month or 2). I tried 3 jobs til now. 1 was fine, i didnt talk much but i got used to ppl there and boss was nice to me and everyone else. It was selling and mostly working with ppl. Yea it was scary i was nervous all the time but stil was kinda ok. But it was onyl temporary. So after i found another job was similiar, just the boss wasnt nice and working 10 hours at night sucked. And again it was selling some stuff and working with ppl what i really hated so i left after 2 months... Then the last one was... big fail.. i found a job where i wouldnt work with ppl in some industry, but stil i had annoying boss and worked with coworkers which were actually nice, at least most of them, but work was brain-killing so i left after 2 days.. Ofc everyone there was talking, making jokes, but i was quiet, didnt even said a word for hours... Well alot more to write but i am kinda sleepy coz its late in my country and i doubt anyone will even read this. So my problem is that when i am talking to other ppl (except my family and some ppl i know rly good) i get nervous, my hands kinda shaking and i just cant find any words. like something blocking my brains. If anyone suddenly ask me some question and i am not prepared i usually just say something stupid. On internet is fine i can talk normally, and everything but real life not.. I dont know if i am affraid of ppl or i am more affraid what ppl will think about me when i open my mouth. I guess i already look stupid enough when i am quiet all the time, so i couldnt make it worse if i would talk, but stil i can tell myself many things i will be stil scared to talk to other ppl or if not scared then i wil have no idea what to say. I hope i will fix this someday and i will be better. I am not trying to be normal like everyone else, normal is boring anyway, i just wanna talk normally with ppl without being scared and nervous. I wanna be above average. Not like now a total loser scared of ppl... Yea high goal... But thats the only hope i have. If i lose that, and i stay pathetic like this forever, then there is no point of living anyway. Someday i will be better or i will die trying. Ah this world just sux. I hope it will end soon, that would make me happy after long time Btw i never told anyone about this and i cant believe i just wrote it here...
PS: sry for my bad eng, but i am sure u can understand
zzzzzzz wont even read again what i wrote, to sleepy
