Hi was wondering if I could get some advice

[Ximn7]

Sorry if this is in the wrong section. I'm feeling depressed at the moment and thought it might be worth asking for some advice.

I'm at University at the moment but I haven't shown for a few weeks, I've probably missed a few deadlines or tests but I don't have my heart in it anyway. It all feels so pointless. If I fail at this I don't know what to do either, I could try to redo the year, try to see if they could switch me to another course (doubtful), or go into work with a higher education award in software.

In terms of my personal life, if you can call it that, I spend my time shut away from the world. I fear new places and crowded spaces, even walking the street puts me on edge. My doctor gave me some medicine for it, it stops the heart racing feeling I get while anxious but doesn't get rid of the fear or the social awkwardness.

I don't have much passion in my life at the moment. I've started sketching which is interesting and I'd like to write but when I read the work of others I feel stupid and inadequate. My writing is poor and disjointed, with no rhyme, reason or purpose to it.

I'm also pretty lonely at the moment. I haven't spoken to friends in a while and I don't discuss this stuff with them. Really I can't discuss it with anyone, my parents have never cared about how I feel and they've never took an interest. I don't think they're proud of me either, I've never gone off the rails but I've never achieved really. I think the only person who was always proud of me was my Grandmother and she passed away last year.

I don't know what to do, I don't know if I will be ok in future. I feel like I'm drifting rudderless in life. I have no hope or passion in my life, I just exist, living an unlived life.

 

[Luna1740]

Okay, if you are looking for genuine advice about what you should do, then here are the exact steps that I would take if I were you (I've been exactly where you are currently, I was stuck in your current mindset from ages 18 - about a month ago (I'm 22))

Step One: School.

Dealing with this is going to be the hardest of the steps, but I swear that the sense of relief you'll get from no longer having that constant dread/sense of failure hanging over you will drastically change your mental outlook. I did exactly what you did, as far as just not going to classes, and here is what I learned:

Is there any chance that you will still pass all of your classes?
If so: go back to class
If not: you NEED to withdraw from your classes. When you withdraw from your courses, your transcript will not be affected by your grades this semester, and will allow you to attend other universities without closing any doors or you having to attempt to explain your grades to other admissions offices, to make a long story short, on paper it is like you were never at your current school.

Now, I'm not sure, but it may be passed the deadline to withdraw from your classes:
If not: withdraw from them
If so: You need to find your school's policy when it comes to "Medical Withdraw/Discharge (something a long those lines)". It is the policy that deals with, for example, if you lost your leg in a poorly calculated attempt to whoo your crush via the art of wood-chipper skiing, well that is where this procedure goes into place. Obviously, due to the trauma of both losing your leg as well as losing the girl to that ski instructor bully from earlier in the movie (okay, so apparently you're a mentally handicapped John Cusak stuck in a low budget love child of Fargo and better off dead.... anyway, that's beside the point). Once you find out what your school's policy on the topic is you simply have to meet the requirements and you'll be able to withdraw regardless of the date.

READ THIS!!!!! IT WILL SOLVE ALL OF YOUR IMMEDIATE PROBLEMS!
Steps 2-3: Once you've completed the requirements in order to qualify for a medical discharge (for me, it was that I had to meet with the school therapist for them to assess whether I was as depressed as I claimed to be, and needing to fill out paper work) my withdraw was totally legit btw I was far too depressed to function. Anyway...

HERE IS THE MOST IMPORTANT PART:
Okay, so you just withdrew. Suddenly it's like the weight of the world is off your shoulders, because not attending classes (especially if you deal with anxiety) has a snowballing effect, and it's like every day makes you feel worse about yourself as you watch the clock tick to the class' starting time.

Next: Your family (which, regardless of their motives) will be there for you. Whereas if you'd stayed they'd probably be pissed due to your grades which would only cause your mental state to further deteriorate. Trust me, once someone sees a piece of paper saying that the school agrees that you are unfit to continue your schooling at the moment, they will not yell at you, and instead you will be able to receive the treatment that you need all without losing any of your futures potential, and in an environment that is geared towards you feeling better.

The second most important thing that I've been told since I began dealing with my own issues was when someone told me that, "It's okay to be selfish sometimes. Take an airplane's oxygen mask for example, you have to put yours on first, otherwise you won't be able to help anyone else."

Now, I don't know you, or what you are/have/will go through, but the way I see it, that kid next to you on an airplane is your life as it is, and something is going on in your head that's making the cabin fill up with smoke... so my advice: evaluate your situation, take care of yourself because at the end of the day you're the only one who can, (sure your life may breathe in more smoke while you're putting your mask on, but it won't die) clear your mind of all that smoke and focus on putting your mask on first, breath in, and take the first step towards saving your own life. Because, I promise, University isn't going anywhere and you can always go back, hell it's a full proof plan...

Want to know the beauty of change?... If you hate the change, you can always change it again

 

[Pacific_Loner]

^Great advice... And if you need help to get rid of depression, I suggest you make some research, because there is ways to help yourself that are way more efficient on the long term than taking meds.