Topofthemountain
Member
Hi, folks. I’m a 52 year old guy, living in the northeast U.S. From what I have learned from the posts I’ve read, I’m older than a lot of you, but I can relate so closely to what many of you are going though now, the difficulties starting college, getting jobs, meeting others, because I have been there, too. I hope that everyone here gets the help they need so that they can have an easier trip than I have. The fact that so many of you already realize what the problem is that is causing so much pain, although maybe the means to get through it aren’t yet clear, already puts you way ahead of those people who think they are the only one in the world suffering from this. When I was in my 20’s and early 30’s, I thought I was the only one. I didn’t even see or hear the words “social phobia” or “social anxiety” until I was in my mid-30’s, although I’d been trying to deal with it, mostly unsuccessfully, since my late teens.
I've been even more introspective than normal the last few months (mid-life crisis?) and it sometimes feels, and much more so recently, like I have squandered away so much of life, missed so many opportunities, because of this condition. Initially dropping out of college (although finishing some years later), 2 failed marriages, no children, few close friends, an okay job, but less than what I feel I could have achieved without SA. Of course, the vary nature of SA makes you live inside your head, examining every detail of what you said, how you performed, what did people think. If I try to regain my usual optimism, I realize that I do have a few good friends (though none I could talk to like this), I do have a pretty decent job with responsibility, that I wouldn’t have if I was half the loser I sometimes think myself to be. Most people think I am upbeat with a good sense of humor (frequently sarcastic), but they have NO idea the misery I find myself in sometimes, or the misery I have caused others. At those times, I feel like an actor, trying to hold together my crumbling (as it seems to me) performance. I happened upon the Personality Test thread. I took the MBTI when I was going though some supervisory/management training courses. Obviously, I was STRONGLY introverted (can’t remember the number), but my co-workers couldn’t understand it. They saw me as much more outgoing than I really am. Guess I'm a good actor! Funny.
Sorry for the long intro. Guess I needed to open up to somebody. It’s been a difficult summer. This weekend was Labor Day weekend, was one more holiday spent alone….sigh. My best to everyone, and thanks for reading.
I've been even more introspective than normal the last few months (mid-life crisis?) and it sometimes feels, and much more so recently, like I have squandered away so much of life, missed so many opportunities, because of this condition. Initially dropping out of college (although finishing some years later), 2 failed marriages, no children, few close friends, an okay job, but less than what I feel I could have achieved without SA. Of course, the vary nature of SA makes you live inside your head, examining every detail of what you said, how you performed, what did people think. If I try to regain my usual optimism, I realize that I do have a few good friends (though none I could talk to like this), I do have a pretty decent job with responsibility, that I wouldn’t have if I was half the loser I sometimes think myself to be. Most people think I am upbeat with a good sense of humor (frequently sarcastic), but they have NO idea the misery I find myself in sometimes, or the misery I have caused others. At those times, I feel like an actor, trying to hold together my crumbling (as it seems to me) performance. I happened upon the Personality Test thread. I took the MBTI when I was going though some supervisory/management training courses. Obviously, I was STRONGLY introverted (can’t remember the number), but my co-workers couldn’t understand it. They saw me as much more outgoing than I really am. Guess I'm a good actor! Funny.
Sorry for the long intro. Guess I needed to open up to somebody. It’s been a difficult summer. This weekend was Labor Day weekend, was one more holiday spent alone….sigh. My best to everyone, and thanks for reading.
