lally
Active member
Hey, my names Aly. I'm home schooled and I'm 15 years old. I know I have SP because I've experienced many of the symptoms and I believe my SP has caused my depression which I've had since I was 12.
I have no friends. I had friends when I was in school but I only had one best friend and lost touch with all the others when I dropped out at 10 and became home schooled. At the beginning of 5th grade I began getting really bad stomach aches from being so scared of attending school. I'm really starting to believe that's when my SP started then. I had always been pretty shy I guess. But it seems like every year that passes I become even more shy and anxious. I hadn't seen my best friend in 3 years and we've completely lost touch so I can official say that I have no friends now. The only person I hang out with is my brother who also has SP. Everyday (it seems to be everyday) since I dropped out of school I regretted it. I always ask myself if it was the right decision, what I would have been like if I stayed in school. These questions are always running through my head. You might say, "Well, go back to school then." Well, the problem is I can't. I can't because I'm behind in math and I don't want to have to be put back a grade or two. I'm also terrified of going to high school. All the really attractive guys who I get so scared to even make eye contact with and all the intimidating girls who just stare at me. I forgot to mention I went back to school in 9th grade for only a week or something like that and noticed how much I hated it and how scared I was. I got out quickly, I couldn't handle it. Now that's my second time dropping out, and I'm regretting it! It just eats and eats at my brain every damn day.
I've never had a boyfriend, been on a date, kissed a guy, or anything. And believe me, I want one so bad. Having a boyfriend or just a friend seems like more of a fantasy then reality. It seems like I can’t make friends anymore – it’s like the only time you can make friends is when you’re really young. But where am I to go to find one – the grocery sotre? Just being around anyone my age scares me. It feels like I'm lower then them and they're lives are great and mine is depressing and boring.
I've tried keeping a journal, doesn't seem to work. I've tried talking about my issues - it helps for that day or 2 and then I start feeling depressed about it. I've tried overcoming my anxiety by attended classes but it isn't helping me overcome my fear of applying to my first job. (I'm so pathetic I know.) I have no self confidence, and I envy other people too much because I think their lives are better then mine. I'm such a negative person my mind just doesn't think positively, ever.
I guess that’s all I really wish to say at the time. I’m not sure what I’m looking for from this site…maybe help or advice? I don’t know. I just want to talk to someone; I have nobody.
I have no friends. I had friends when I was in school but I only had one best friend and lost touch with all the others when I dropped out at 10 and became home schooled. At the beginning of 5th grade I began getting really bad stomach aches from being so scared of attending school. I'm really starting to believe that's when my SP started then. I had always been pretty shy I guess. But it seems like every year that passes I become even more shy and anxious. I hadn't seen my best friend in 3 years and we've completely lost touch so I can official say that I have no friends now. The only person I hang out with is my brother who also has SP. Everyday (it seems to be everyday) since I dropped out of school I regretted it. I always ask myself if it was the right decision, what I would have been like if I stayed in school. These questions are always running through my head. You might say, "Well, go back to school then." Well, the problem is I can't. I can't because I'm behind in math and I don't want to have to be put back a grade or two. I'm also terrified of going to high school. All the really attractive guys who I get so scared to even make eye contact with and all the intimidating girls who just stare at me. I forgot to mention I went back to school in 9th grade for only a week or something like that and noticed how much I hated it and how scared I was. I got out quickly, I couldn't handle it. Now that's my second time dropping out, and I'm regretting it! It just eats and eats at my brain every damn day.
I've never had a boyfriend, been on a date, kissed a guy, or anything. And believe me, I want one so bad. Having a boyfriend or just a friend seems like more of a fantasy then reality. It seems like I can’t make friends anymore – it’s like the only time you can make friends is when you’re really young. But where am I to go to find one – the grocery sotre? Just being around anyone my age scares me. It feels like I'm lower then them and they're lives are great and mine is depressing and boring.
I've tried keeping a journal, doesn't seem to work. I've tried talking about my issues - it helps for that day or 2 and then I start feeling depressed about it. I've tried overcoming my anxiety by attended classes but it isn't helping me overcome my fear of applying to my first job. (I'm so pathetic I know.) I have no self confidence, and I envy other people too much because I think their lives are better then mine. I'm such a negative person my mind just doesn't think positively, ever.
I guess that’s all I really wish to say at the time. I’m not sure what I’m looking for from this site…maybe help or advice? I don’t know. I just want to talk to someone; I have nobody.
