kathyk
Member
I have had OCD since I was 11 years old. I actually think that I've had it all my life pretty much, but when i was little i just thought it was worries that i was having. I still remember the day that i actually noticed something was wrong. I was looking thru a magazine and saw an ad talking about cancer, and all of a sudden it's like i became terribly scared of cancer. I would constantly think about if i got it or if someone i knew got it. I dreaded of going to sleep at night because it would take me foreverrrrrrrrr to be able to lay in my bed. I would turn on the light and off literally like 20 times until i wasnt thinking about cancer anymore in my head. if i was, then i had to turn on the light again and turn it off once i had something else on my mind. Then i would have a whole routine of looking out the window and under the bed, not because i was scared, well that too, but if i didnt do that then i might get cancer and it would be all my fault. it got to the point where hearing the word cancer would ruin my whole day.. Like if i was about to do something fun like go to the pooll, and i would hear the word cancer on the radio onthe way there, the whole trip would be ruined and i woulndt have a good time bc i would constantly be thinking about what i heard. It was soo irrational. I didnt know what this was at first and i thought i was just crazy.. then i read a magazine article about ocd and i realized thats what i had. I didnt dare tell anyone about it because i was so embarassed. I lived with constant fears about everything until i was 20. My fears would constantly change. I hateeeeeeeeed everythign about this disorder, it took over my life. I'm finally on medication and it helped a lot, but lately i feel like it's coming back.
. Welcome to the site.