Hey. This is me.

[DiorIsMyLover]

Hi. My name is Mary and I'm pretty sure that I have social phobia. It truly sucks. I have no friends and that is the worst part. I was I guess you could say I was a shy child,and I had some close friends,but not tons, I really never thought twice about it.

When I was I think a freshman in high school, that is when my sa got going full force. I was never really a geek, just quiet and reserved. I had one or two friends and that was it. I was always worried about what other people thought of me and I thought everyone was talking about me. My shyness came off as snobbiness I guess.

I changed schools and it was the same there too. Only about 2 friends and that was it.

I changed schools again, this time I really didn't have anyone except for a really nice girl who was friends with everyone.

Now I'm in college and it's still the same. I've never kept in touch with any of my past friends. I can only be friends with seriously, 2 or 3 people at a time. I hate large groups of people.

I'm 19 years old & I've never had a boyfriend, beacuse I really don't think I'm good enough or pretty enough and I also have a little ocd and I just think that guys think I'm a weirdo or something.

I hate not having friends. People in the past have truly tried be-friending me, but I just push them away because I'm afraid of rejection. So it's just a cycle.

When i'm out with my family or in the past when I was out at the mall with a "friend" I always think people are looking at me and talking about me saying how strange I am.

I don't have a job yet, because I'm scared that I won't do the job right and people will think I'm stupid. But my mom is making me, so I might work at a daycare or in an office.

I feel like I'm the only 19 year girl who sits home friday nights, while everyone else my age is at the club partying and having fun with their friends & boyfriends.

I'm just sick of it. But thanxs for reading

 

[Thelema]

Welcome! Oddly...you just explained me exactly :wink:

 

[alabanzai]

hi mary,

you are not the only one! i am also a 19-year-old who sits at home alone. it is hard not having friends. i tried going to parties last year, but it's scary to be at these things by yourself. you should not feel obligated to go out just because it's friday night. i think clubs and parties are too crowded anyway. there is no shame in staying home alone, and i've found that i would rather play games or watch movies at home than dance with drunk strangers. i know it sucks feeling left out, but i like to think of it as a break from dealing with other people. i hope this helps a little.

 

[Richey]

welcome!

as alabanzai describes, it may just be that the (night club, party) environment isnt that appealing to everyone, for isntance i have a friend who enjoys drinking and dancing but cant stand being squashed inside a night club with drunken lunatics!!! where you can barely hear people speak.

i personally enjoy going to the cinema or going to a friends house instead, or a rock/indie concert where i can enjoy the band, there is always a small chance i could meet people who share the same tastes.

funnily enough its happened to me, and if i can do it then you can do it too, its just that you may not have had the exposure or experiance of a moment where you realise it is possible to meet new people who share your interests and wont judge you on being shy.

i was with a friend at a "yeah yeah yeahs" concert .....there was a group of young people my age who were wearing all "black" tight punk clothing, typical of the demographic at a yyy's concert.

a girl in the group came over and started talking about her life story and favourite bands, how many times she has seen the band, i tried hard to show interest and we ended up hanging around with this group all night, the two guys were easy to talk to and werent really bothered if i slipped out an awkward comment, just by showing interest you can make a new friend with the "SNAP" of a finger ......im fairly adament they were pleased to ahve us as company to chat to.

even the guy i was talking to about bands and school, he seemed shy and yet you wouldnt expect it by observing them from a distance.

and i was in a state of panic that night because it was the first time i had been for a night out in a while, so my eyes were scanning the room in a haze of self conciousness, as you could imagine.

i noticed after me and my pal had bonded with these people, and how easy it all played out, my anxiety levels dropped to zero, which proves that alot of this social anxiety is all in our heads, whether we like it or not, its all a matter of perception and how we place what other people might be thinking of us Waaay! out of proportion.

a half an hour before i was sweating, feeling edgy, escaped to the toilet for some air, thinking that im not hip enough to be at this concert, then suddenly once i was getting along with strangers out of sheer curiosity and a "what do i have to lose anyway" mentality, i felt like it was possible.

that incident didnt cure me at all, but it made me realise that even if your shy and anxious in public, there are people who will still be interested in you, there will also be people who can relate to you even if they are louder types.