Hey There :)

[Chrono88]

I've actually joined this forum a while ago and never posted anything. I completely forgot that I had an account with this website until yesterday when I checked my email and saw a Happy Birthday email (today is my 23rd birthday). So I thought that I would actually take the time to introduce myself properly.

I've had a problem interacting with people for quite a while. I was bullied all throughout school from elementary to high school when I developed a severe social anxiety and started avoiding social interaction altogether out of fear of rejection and being bullied again (I've self-diagnosed with Avoidant Personality Disorder). In college I failed a couple of classes and performed horribly in general. I had almost no friends and I just started hiding from the world even more. Now I'm still living with my Mom and Brother and they are starting to get frustrated with my lack of social interaction. I can't drive. (I don't have a driver's license and I've put off getting on for years. I just get too scared of driving every time I practice. I pretty much know that I'm going to have a problem when I have a car.) This has prevented me from being independent and going out to different places, joining clubs or groups and meeting people. So I pretty much feel trapped.

I struggle with dark thoughts about what would happen when I meet new people. I fear that people may ask me to change my identity to blend in with them. I think about being humiliated and ridiculed for being myself. I prefer to be a nonconformist but most times I find myself conforming just to get along with others anyway, which upsets me. I just don't have the strength to say "this is who I am and I'm not going to change who I am just to fit in with you". I just want to be accepted for who I am, and I feel like this may not ever happen.

Sorry for the long introduction... I'm glad I remembered that I was still on this site.

 

[DeadmanWalking]

Yo and welcome (back) to this site::! Happy birthday to you!

I can understand how you feel about driving. It is scary, but you've just got to take a deep breath and get behind the wheel. I don't have my license either (although I'm 19, so it really doesn't hold much water here). However, I'm starting to get behind the wheel more often (my family's forcing me to:. The fear lessens as you drive more and get used to it. Just start out on empty parking lots or streets and then work towards driving with other cars. After your first crash, the fear will go down even further (I've experienced this first-hand!). You could even see if there are any driving classes in your area. But, don't feel rushed to get one. Go get a driver's license when/if you feel like you need one.

I won't lie, there will be people who will trash you for being yourself and make you feel like you need to change into one of them to be accepted, but that's not true. If someone doesn't like you for who you are, then toss them to the curb and keep moving. You'll find people who like you, I promise. You just need to go to places that have to do with something you like and you'll find people just like you. You may also need to work on your view of yourself and getting an edge to yourself, showing the world that you won't bow down, kneel, or try to please anyone but yourself. Basically, standing up for yourself.

 

[Silatuyok]

Happy Birthday, and welcome back!

 

[Mr.Prez]

happy birthday and welcome back

 

[Chrono88]

Thanks for the birthday wishes!

I won't lie, there will be people who will trash you for being yourself and make you feel like you need to change into one of them to be accepted, but that's not true. If someone doesn't like you for who you are, then toss them to the curb and keep moving. You'll find people who like you, I promise. You just need to go to places that have to do with something you like and you'll find people just like you. You may also need to work on your view of yourself and getting an edge to yourself, showing the world that you won't bow down, kneel, or try to please anyone but yourself. Basically, standing up for yourself.

DeadmanWalking, thanks for the advice. I've always had a problem with this. I've always been the sensitive, introverted type and can be pretty absent- minded. I've had obscure interests that most people don't really know (or care) about (like Myers-Briggs Personality Types or any kind of Personality Psychology, Anime or anything Fantasy-related, Lucid Dreaming, Radio and Broadcasting/Media etc). This is what kept me feeling like an outcast or some sort of alien. It's horrible when I try to socialize and I just feel awkward before I even open my mouth to speak. I really do have to work on getting out because I found that there are some clubs and groups to join that center on these obscure interests. It would be great to meet people who think and feel like me.

You are also right about standing up for myself. This has been tough because I fear conflict so much that I feel like I have to ignore myself to fit in. But you are right that they probably aren't worth my time anyway if they don't accept me for who I am. Thanks again for the advice!