Here I Am

jaixo

Active member
Would you consider that a good or bad thing? That nothing could change you but yourself. I mean, it sounds like something I'd perceive as a positive trait but when I read it, it felt slightly negative. I think my contradictory views are based on my tendency to view everything from as many possible angles as I can and compare them all until I can't comprehend my own thoughts. I analyze things until they don't make sense anymore and wonder if I've been wrong all along.

"..if I start by stating my philosophical conclusions they would be thought complete nonsense by the average listener, so they will not care to listen any further to something that seems of no benefit."
I seem to have this same problem though I've always blamed it on my lack of speaking/explaining skills. I've never thought to blame the listener..or maybe I'm not as advanced as you seem and it really is me.

So, kind of like: if you don't know what you really want, life appears to have a purpose of figuring something out. Then do you believe that ignorance really is bliss? That ignorance is what makes the world seem worthwhile, perhaps? When it possibly has no purpose at all..that seems a tad bit depressing, actually.

When you put it that way, I guess leaving behind the ones you don't relate to seems perfectly logical.

I'm not sure, I think everyone wants everyone to be the same (although seem to "encourage" diversity). I can't wrap my head around living without money. I know it's possible to survive but only under harsh conditions. Everything costs something and there's so many things that aren't possible without technology (to an extent) and..I guess pulling away completely isn't exactly what I was going for but for the most part, maybe? Ugh, I'm sorry, I'm awful at sharing my thoughts. I think too quickly for my ideas to be accurately dispensed. But I agree with the fact that the improved inventions of today aren't much better that the originals.

The sense of freedom you speak of is what I think life should be like. I just don't know how it would be possible. I guess that's where ignorance would come in handy.

PS. Sorry for the piece-y response; I find it easier to focus on one idea at a time. And also for apologizing in most of my replies. ::p:
 
AHHHHHHHH Remus! I AM THE ONLY SANE PERSON ALLIVE! AHHHH! THAT IS WHAT IS WRONG! AHHHHH! I would go to a suicide forum, but those idiot fools would tell me exactly what other idiot fools have told me! AHHH! I won't go to a philosophy forum because AHHHH! IS THERE ANY HOPE? AHHHH! AHHHHH! AHHHHHHHHHH! I AM SO DAMN INTELLIGENT AND ALONE! AHHHHHHHHH! No offense to anyone, I just need to find my own kind. I don't hate any of you, and I appreciate your time. AHHHHHHH!!
 
Jaixo, thanks very much for replying again. I can hardly write at all anymore. I have so much to say and I don't know anyone to talk to. I am writing calmly here, now at least, but my thoughts are ready to explode out of my head. But, to make it easier for others to understand, my intelligence is telling me to compose my thoughts better. Life is not worth living if nobody understands. What is the point of me gaining knowledge for the rest of my life, and dying alone and insane with nobody to share it with? I also analyze in great depth, everything. I know it is no fault of my own that I am misunderstood. I'm ready to explode, I don't know what to say.
 

jaixo

Active member
Jaixo, thanks very much for replying again. I can hardly write at all anymore. I have so much to say and I don't know anyone to talk to. I am writing calmly here, now at least, but my thoughts are ready to explode out of my head. But, to make it easier for others to understand, my intelligence is telling me to compose my thoughts better. Life is not worth living if nobody understands. What is the point of me gaining knowledge for the rest of my life, and dying alone and insane with nobody to share it with? I also analyze in great depth, everything. I know it is no fault of my own that I am misunderstood. I'm ready to explode, I don't know what to say.


Well, just know that you're not alone. No matter how much it feels like you are, you're not. :)
 
After all I have said, all we can talk about is 1-2-3 and a-b-c? I am completely serious here, and have spilled my guts because I am desperate. I have nowhere else to turn. I don't know what else I could possibly do. I have been sitting at my computer for a week, going into chat rooms, searching the internet for hope! Trying my hardest to find even the smallest amount of hope. Traveling the US because I had hope! Coming back hopeless! I have nothing to live for. Suicide is about the only rational option I can think of.
 

NathanielWingatePeaslee

Iä! Iä! Cthulhu fhtagn!
Staff member
You betcha! I learned in from watching Sesame Street. :) That's one of my favorite shows ever! That and 'Oz'.
You should totally make a video of that and post it!

After all I have said, all we can talk about is 1-2-3 and a-b-c? I am completely serious here, and have spilled my guts because I am desperate. I have nowhere else to turn. I don't know what else I could possibly do. I have been sitting at my computer for a week, going into chat rooms, searching the internet for hope! Trying my hardest to find even the smallest amount of hope. Traveling the US because I had hope! Coming back hopeless! I have nothing to live for. Suicide is about the only rational option I can think of.
If you are the smartest person, and the only sane person, how am I going to help you? If you are thinking of suicide, please contact someone more qualified than myself to talk about it with you. Really, please.
 

chrisjurban

Well-known member
This sounds like something I would have said when I was highly depressed around eighth or ninth grade. It wasn't necessarily true, really it was more a kind of performance I'd put up, picking out nice sounding words and talking about things I'd like to do. I was perfectionistic about the way I would write and it sounded a lot like what you just wrote. I'm 18 too. Believe me, it takes time, but perspectives like this change.
 
Hi Endless,
It's amazing that you went on a journey in search of something more 'real.'
I simply want to say that at one point I could also relate to how you are feeling. I hate to say it, but I was also young, between 11 to 14 years old. Yup, I hated the world, felt alone and would not listen to anyone trying to tell me how to live my life. Needless to say, I isolated myself. In my alone time, I learned how to focus on my breath and shut my mind up enough to experience a greater reality. I found solace in my isolation and largely because it's when I felt most connected to something more than what we see in this 3rd dimension.
Endless, I want to run a thought by you...we are more than just our thoughts, mind. If the mind has found peace when it's host (the organism, e.g. myself, you) is alone, than it will create thoughts and situations to lead the organism into isolation. Some of those thoughts may sound like "I am different than everyone else." All I am saying is question where your thoughts are coming from.
If you find an aversion to what I am writing, than ask why? That is what an intelligent mind does, right? ask questions?
I personally like to focus on increasing my state of consciousness which is way different than attaining intelligence (a faculty of the mind). Intelligence can work against us. (Who was that genius that created the atomic bomb?).
I really do hope you find your reason for existing.
Blessings,
Rizing
 

Pookah

Well-known member
There is a distinct ego-maniacal tinge to your statements. I think you might want to carefully examine your disdain for other people. Therein you might discover why you cannot find many like minded individuals. Condescension isn't an endearing trait.
 
Endless,

I echo jaixo's comments. Have you ever considered taking up writing? I think you'd find an audience for your thoughts.
 

Iseesky

Well-known member
Why does there have to be a reason to live? Why do you have to associate with intelligent people?

I've been happiest without a reason to live. I've learned more valuable lessons from dumb people than intelligent ones. Intelligence is overrated in my opinion. Maybe you should put some effort into spending time with folks you think are idiots to see what you can learn from them. You can learn something from anyone. It'll only make you more intelligent.
 
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