Here comes my story at the moment

SilentAndShy

Well-known member
#1
I'm writing this as I've suffered another setback in life - due to my own personal weaknesses and social phobia - and I'm back to square one.

Today I left my job (working in a call centre) because I've had time off for depression, and my phobia has rendered me useless and lazy to try and rectify the situation. I had another day off today, due to lazyness and social phobia and my team leader advised (although not directly) to return permanently or consider leaving.

I'm going to do the latter as I hope that I can use the time to start off my CBT/counselling sessions that I'm trying to arrange with my local surgery and see what life brings.

My social phobia in relation to my job is: not mixing in with my team members due to shyness (this involves at times sitting on my own to avoid people, not engaging in discussion on things as much as I want to, and struggling in my job due to my lack of assertiveness, lack of concentration and understanding customers' more in-depth issues), and mainly my decision to purchase a car to help me to get to work. I passed my driving test in 2009 but due to financial issues, unable to buy a car until recently where I found some confidence to bite the bullet and go for it despite my apprehension at driving again as I wouldn't say I'm a confident driver. I tended to fear the worst and when a few incidents happened (damaging the car, experiencing a few bad driving journeys to work) that re-inforced that fear then my confidence plummeted and because it's my car - some members of my family tend to have a fascination on whether I drive it or not. If I don't take it to work it's like I have to quizzed on it. And because I'm clueless on cars and their workings, I fear the worst when I take it out (i.e I'll crash, I'll breakdown and I won't have a clue what to do) and have tried to get to grips with these issues by reading things online but I'm too shy and unassertive to ask any people that I know incase they look at me and think: "Man, he's 26 year old man and he don't know this? lol".

On a personal level, I've always been shy and reserved. Looking back as a kid, I was probably more louder and a had a short fuse that has deteriated as I've got older. But I'm 26, have a degree that I can't use due to tough economic conditions, don't have any relationship prospects either with or without family's ideas, never came close to a relationship even though I had crushes on girls that I really liked but lacked the confidence to engage in them to a depth that might facilitate a deeper relationship. I don't have a big friends' circle, a few close friends whom I trust but sadly rarely get to see as they have something I don't - a wife! I'd always seen myself as a quite presentable but over the past two decades, my figure has now got a belly with it.

So besides all that, everything's great! lol

I have had a doctor's appointment to discuss my depression, and these feelings I've been experiencing. Will be arranging a session with a psychologist soon and see if that helps.
I've tried to see whether developing a deeper religious affiliation might help but again, I'm too concious of other people's reactions to take that step incase I get mocked or get the tons of questions.

Has anyone else experienced this sort of journey or feelings similiar to mine?

Advice please my friends
 

laure15

Well-known member
#4
I'm in my 20s and feel like a loser too. But I believe it's not too late for a new beginning, and with a new year arriving, we can make new goals and try to reach them. It's good that you're getting professional help for your depression. Try to make the most of out it.

Beware of thinking religion is the answer to all your problems. In the past, I've tried out many different religions (Christianity, Buddhism, New Age, etc) but I still end up feeling unsatisfied with life. Then I realize there is a difference between religion and spirituality. Now, I try to pursue a more spiritual path through life without being bounded by religion.
 

Gadfly

Well-known member
#5
Journalism is a dead end degree now too? I guess the internet and the blogosphere killed it.

Words of reassurance? I wish I had some meaningful ones. There's plenty of reflexive positivity to be had here, if that's what soothes you. It does absolutely nothing for me and in fact quite turns me off. Most of what I read here seems to be teenage angst of the "I can't get laid" variety or nearly incomprehensible rants from the deeply disturbed. Your issues sound similar to your entire generation's, lack of meaningful opportunity and a bleak future of economic marginalization. You're not working in your field and I can't imagine there are a lot of relatable people in a call center. I'm sorry you don't fit in, but is that really your fault? You can't expect to relate to everyone well. You can work on your assertiveness, I suppose, but if I had a journalism degree I don't see how pushing myself to rise in the ranks of a call center would be motivational. If it weren't so hard to find any work at all, I'd congratulate you for quitting. You just need a better fit. Hope you can find it. I'm 46 today (yay)...I've never fit in anywhere. Good luck.
 

SilentAndShy

Well-known member
#6
Journalism is a dead end degree now too? I guess the internet and the blogosphere killed it.

Words of reassurance? I wish I had some meaningful ones. There's plenty of reflexive positivity to be had here, if that's what soothes you. It does absolutely nothing for me and in fact quite turns me off. Most of what I read here seems to be teenage angst of the "I can't get laid" variety or nearly incomprehensible rants from the deeply disturbed. Your issues sound similar to your entire generation's, lack of meaningful opportunity and a bleak future of economic marginalization. You're not working in your field and I can't imagine there are a lot of relatable people in a call center. I'm sorry you don't fit in, but is that really your fault? You can't expect to relate to everyone well. You can work on your assertiveness, I suppose, but if I had a journalism degree I don't see how pushing myself to rise in the ranks of a call center would be motivational. If it weren't so hard to find any work at all, I'd congratulate you for quitting. You just need a better fit. Hope you can find it. I'm 46 today (yay)...I've never fit in anywhere. Good luck.
Some might not only a dead end degree but a "Micky Mouse" course to do, i.e. easy to obtain a degree but I tried to follow my strengths and passions and hope that one day, something will come up that utilises them well.

Appreciate the words, found some comfort within them but glad you're honest. I think the crux of what you said - finding your degree job in a deteriating job market - is what has fallen onto me and others. I found it extremely difficult trying to maintain a job when I knew that I wanted more but maybe lacked the assertiveness to do it and compounded by the fact that others (former class mates and other people I know in other fields) are doing what they want to do. But like the poster above said, trying to hope a New Year, plus seeking help with depression via CBT and some direction helps improve my mind.
 

ImNotMyIllness

Well-known member
#7
Your post was well written. You should consider using your degree and skills against your illness. Take a negative and turn it into a positive. Perhaps you could write for a magazine or website?
People with depression and social anxiety end up lacking in many areas because they don't ask questions.........There's definitely a need and market.
 

SilentAndShy

Well-known member
#8
Your post was well written. You should consider using your degree and skills against your illness. Take a negative and turn it into a positive. Perhaps you could write for a magazine or website?
People with depression and social anxiety end up lacking in many areas because they don't ask questions.........There's definitely a need and market.
lol, despite having aspirations of wanting to become a journalist - that is one thing I've never thought of. At the moment, I'd find it difficult to have the inner confidence and strength to push writing articles but hopefully, once this counselling sessions begin and I start clear my clustered mind, you're right. It is a good opportunity to write about this issue. Depression is very much discussed in publications but I wouldn't say the same about Social Anxiety.
 

SilentAndShy

Well-known member
#10
Bloody hell, just flicking through this forum and came across this post from 2012.

I wish I could say things were better from an anxiety point of view but sadly, I can't.

Maybe married life might help me but I'm not overly confident.
 
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