help! Teacher in need of advise on dealing with parent confrontation

[Littlemissteacherlady]

Hey guys,

I'm a teacher with SA. I've been working on alsorts over the summer holidays and felt really positive. I've made loads of progress but now I'm really in the thick of it and I've had a bit of a down this week: could do with some advice...

I gave out a whole class detention this week - at least 80% of the class was talking and I'd given really severe warnings about not talking - so I felt like there was no alternative. It's something I don't usually do as it punishes the good kids who weren't talking too, and I told them that, but I felt like since it was week 3 it was a good time to show them I wasn't to be messed around.

As a result of this, I met 8 parents in an afternoon and morning. Most were understanding and agreed punishment was needed. 2 of them however, were extremely confrontational. I've never ever been able to deal with confrontation. My lip was trembling, I couldn't breathe and I got palpaptations.

I've worked out that my symptoms go away after a few minutes - the fight or flight adrenaline feeling can't last any longer. Unfortunately, I need to be in control for those first few minutes as it might only be a meeting of a few minutes. Even though I've made progress, and I was really pleased with myself that I didn't back down, I am feeling pretty depressed. I know I'm in the right, I know that they can't push me around...but when the symptoms take hold, I can't get my sentences out. And then I have to see that uncomfortable look on their faces as they see how upset/nervous I am.

I'm getting it all down in my blog if anyone is interested.littlemissteacherlady

I would love any advise about dealing with confrontation. When it's with kids it doesn't bother me, but with adults, I just hate it. Sadly, as much as I love my job, confrontation is something that comes alongside it.

Thanks!
M xx

 

[kilojoule]

You're a teacher, you need to have authority. Parents would be doing better by their kids supporting you in trying to teach their children not questioning you. It's far more constructive for them to back you up. They should be disciplining their children at home for this and drilling it in to them to listen and respect their teacher.It's in their own best intetest. I would say something along these lines rephrasing maybe a bit.

 

[Littlemissteacherlady]

Most of them are really supportive, but there's a few that seem intent on bringing their kids up to think that noone can blame/upset them for any reason. Thanks for your help...I think I'm going to try and think of a way of talking them round though - making them think they've got the upper hand, but not actually changing anything I'm doing. The problem is the nerves!

 

[kilojoule]

sorry what is with me today? I left that bit out haha sorry Im a bit out of it today

when something freaks me out. I very discreetly tap my fingers together. The tapping symbolises something I tell myself before I do something that's scary. Before I leave home I usually tell myself: I dont have to do this. I am in control. Im walking out the door because I want to. I don't have to. I can crawl under my bed for my life if I want that but I dont want that.I do this because I choose to.

When I go out and I have to deal with something frightening and I feel that fear I cant really talk to myself. So I do two things. 1) tap out discreetly 'I am in control' on my fingers to my thoughts and 2) possibly the MOST valuable thing I zone in on something within the situation that doesnt intimidate me.( For example haha and as dicreetly as I can) someones hat or shoes or rings or trying to guess how old they are (in my head!) I can do all this at this stage without averting my eyes. Sometimes Im imagining that I am listening to somebody who suffers badly from sa or agoraphobia or sometimes just visualing one of my closest friends. Then they're not so scary and I can talk quite freely.

 

[Littlemissteacherlady]

Thanks Jewel - will definitely try this and I've read things before about distracting yourself but never managed to do it in the actual situation yet. It's definitely worth a try!

 

[Section_31]

Hi teacher,

I have to agree with everyhing Jewel said. I dont really have any additional pointers, but i would also say after a situation like that, when you get home, spoil yourself a bit and reward yourself for a tough day. You deserve it.

Youve done nothing wrong in this respect, and unfortunately im seeing more and more parents that just dont teach their kids respect. And then we wonder why there are so many incidences in society with police and kids and teachers and kids...

Keep up the good work, we need more teachers like you .