help me out

[inthetrees]

hello my friends. i am 20, male, and live with my cat. i have severe seasonal affective disorder which only exacerbates my psychological issues. my childhood was horrible and isolating experience. i never new my father and had no father figures or people to look up to as a child. my mother is bipolar and has many psychological issues from her childhood. i grew up completely alone and isolated (even stopped going to preschool because i could not socialize and relate with others). in fact, for the last 20 years i have wondering alone, with no idea who i am supposed to be or what i should do with my life. i have no heritage either, i am 7 or 8 ethnicities and look (in my opinion) much different that other people. my life has been one vast disconnect from reality and humanity. the only person i can really talk to is my cat, who i feel closer to than anyone else in my life. so far im taking st johns wort to deal with anxiety around people, and trying to focus my energy towards saving enoug money to move somewhere remote. the only thing that gets me through the day is hope that i will eventually be able to move to a remote island and live my life in nature. but until then i have to put up with the constant isolation and anxiety towards people, which sometimes can be too much. i often resort to buying weed off a friend just to escape this isolated hell i call my life. how am i supposed to succeed in society if i never learned people skills? i dont even think in words and sentances unless i focus, even then its still hard. people say i drift off when i speak, which makes sense.
i just dont get this life, never have, never will. i feel like the only one who understands and accepts me is my cat, which i am grateful for. anyone else in a similiar situation?

 

[SilentStranger]

Hi inthetrees,

Welcome to the group!

Well I can certainly relate to your desire to live alone. In the past, when I was really depressed and feeling that I could not continue with my studies or do work, I too have wished that I could live as hermit away from everybody. You know living off the land alone still has some attractiveness to me. And I still have very few friends, don't go out much at all and live alone, I suppose its a solitary life.

As for heritage, what does belong to one ethnicity mean during these days of the globalised world? It seems there seems to be only one popular culture.

Even though my heritage is of one ethnicity, I don't feel that connected to people of my own ethnicity (I am not from Australia originally). I don't connect with other people around me either. At times I feel that it would be easier if I was like and look like most other around me. But in reality... well at least partly, its my SP that is holding me back from connecting with people. Its not only the fear of a social situations, but also the lack of communication and social skills.

As for St John Wort and weed, I don't know if it helps or not as I haven't taken them. Have you considered looking at professional help?

Well they say a company of a pet is therapeutic. I wish I had a pet. Anyway, hopefully you will find people here understanding.


-SS

 

[recluse]

Hi. We are all in the same boat here. I also feel that the only living things i can trust are my two cats.