Hello - I'm new

MaryA

Member
Hello, I have been sitting here reading some of your posts and introductions and it takes me back to when I was younger. I can relate to what you all have written in a lot of ways. When I was young, growing up, I was severely shy. By the time I got to high school, I didn't have any friends, people at school made fun of me, I didn't talk to anyone. I was always judging myself for every little thing, and if I would get the feeling people were staring at me, and judging me, and if I got the feeling that someone was going to talk to me, I would have anxiety attacks. I remember feeling so depressed, and misunderstood and I felt like I was the freak of the school, and all I wanted was to be accepted. The thing was I couldn't accept myself, in fact I hated myself and felt that everyone hated me. This struggle with shyness went on through my twenties, and through the years I had to work through a lot of stuff, and now at 45 I am more free than I have ever been. I can participate when I am in a group of people, I'm not afraid to express myself, I can walk onto a bus and not be afraid that people are staring at me and judging me, I have been married and have a child and now work in customer service, where I have to talk to people a lot. Most importantly, I feel so at peace within myself. Basically, I want you guys to know that if you feel like things are not going to change for you, they can. I am living proof. :)
 
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Thank you for sharing your story with us MaryA:) What would you attribute to helping you manage/overcome your problems the most? Therapy/CBT etc?
 

MaryA

Member
Well, back when I was in high school, my parents tried putting me through therapy, but that didn't work because I didn't open up to her of course. So probably a year later I got to the point to where I hated living like that, was really depressed and so I decided I didn’t want to live that way anymore. So it was either kill myself (I hate to admit that I did have that thought back then), or start doing something about it, and thankfully I chose to do something to change my life. Probably one of the main things that had an impact was that I started to change the way I thought about myself. Every time I had a negative thought I would cast it out of my head by either thinking about something positive or telling myself “STOP.” It was very hard, but I stuck with it through the years, and now I don’t struggle with it much. I also started using affirmations and visualizations. Visualizations help a lot… during a quiet alone time, I would sit and think about different social situations and visualize myself in those situations as the un-shy person that I wanted to be, it sort of gave me practice in social situations even though they weren’t really happening. Also, when I was about 19, I started seeking spirituality, and in seeking it, I found a lot of peace and healing. We didn’t have the internet back then like we do now, so I didn’t have anyone to go to for help (like this forum), not family or friends (my family didn’t know what to do, so gave up pretty much) it was very hard, but finally at 19 I had God. So I would sit in a quiet place and talk to God about things I was going through and things I went through with people at school who were mean, and cry, I was able to open up to him and felt his love in a big way (which is one major thing I needed) and I believe he helped me go from self pity, to anger to acceptance, forgiveness and peace. So that is a little summary… I have 45 years of experiencing this journey, so I will try to help you all, if you have questions, I will try my best to answer and help, I also started a blog and going to post stuff in there every so often. Please don’t lose hope, because it is possible to change your life! :)
 

mrb

Well-known member
she is right you know im 45 and my anxiety was worse when i was 20 or 30 ... i guess you just mellow with age , iv had thousands of battles inside my head .... now im a hell of a lot better .. as she says acceptance then peace followed
 

mrb

Well-known member
Welcome to SPW Mary! It brings me joy to read your story and see that it is actually possible to recover from SA!

I admire your strength!

good comment raz i agree , its a heart warming story :)
 

Darker Than Black

Well-known member
Well, back when I was in high school, my parents tried putting me through therapy, but that didn't work because I didn't open up to her of course. So probably a year later I got to the point to where I hated living like that, was really depressed and so I decided I didn’t want to live that way anymore. So it was either kill myself (I hate to admit that I did have that thought back then), or start doing something about it, and thankfully I chose to do something to change my life. Probably one of the main things that had an impact was that I started to change the way I thought about myself. Every time I had a negative thought I would cast it out of my head by either thinking about something positive or telling myself “STOP.” It was very hard, but I stuck with it through the years, and now I don’t struggle with it much. I also started using affirmations and visualizations. Visualizations help a lot… during a quiet alone time, I would sit and think about different social situations and visualize myself in those situations as the un-shy person that I wanted to be, it sort of gave me practice in social situations even though they weren’t really happening. Also, when I was about 19, I started seeking spirituality, and in seeking it, I found a lot of peace and healing. We didn’t have the internet back then like we do now, so I didn’t have anyone to go to for help (like this forum), not family or friends (my family didn’t know what to do, so gave up pretty much) it was very hard, but finally at 19 I had God. So I would sit in a quiet place and talk to God about things I was going through and things I went through with people at school who were mean, and cry, I was able to open up to him and felt his love in a big way (which is one major thing I needed) and I believe he helped me go from self pity, to anger to acceptance, forgiveness and peace. So that is a little summary… I have 45 years of experiencing this journey, so I will try to help you all, if you have questions, I will try my best to answer and help, I also started a blog and going to post stuff in there every so often. Please don’t lose hope, because it is possible to change your life! :)


that's like me, I found God too, few days before I turned 20, I found a bible my parents had put on my bed, and I've been reading it, it's kind of nice to have a psychological relief (don't know if that made sense).
 

AimeeSP

Well-known member
Hi Mary, welcome to SPW. :) It's great you now feel at peace with yourself. Like BrokenSailor said, your story gives me hope, thank you.

I hope you like it here. :)
 
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